If Slime Worms Be the Food of Love…
Partnership Day, Lord High Chairman Camembert mused. Every year it seemed to come round earlier. And it was becoming rapidly less meaningful. Once this celebration of marriage had been an exercise in crass commercialism – tacky greetings cards, and the rest. But the young fry these days increasingly seemed to think it was all about romance. He shuddered at the word. Where was the profit in that? Yet more old fashioned values fading away…
He recalled the wooing of his own wife. It had been a whirlwind affair – he was the up and coming progeny of Plutark’s most powerful political dynasty, she the heiress to a multi-million gill business empire. Her father had opposed the match, of course – he felt politics was so vulgar. Conventional wisdom would have encouraged Camembert to undermine the opposition’s finances by spreading rumours on the stock market. Camembert, though, liked to think of himself as a sentimental sort (not to mention wise enough not to threaten his intended’s fortune) and had merely offered the old fish favourable government contracts, once he had bribed his way to the High Chairmanship. He had honoured the promise, too – well, at least until a rival company made him a better deal…
Then there was the wedding itself. A really traditional affair: their respective lawyers presiding, an exchange of contracts guaranteeing their spouse a 30% share in their personal fortune (with secret escape clauses, naturally…). The full works. Happy days…
Abruptly he was forced to turn his mind to the present as his wife entered.
“Happy Partnership Day, my little Stinky-Winky!” she greeted him, using his pet name.
“And to you, my dearest Pustule!” he replied in kind. “I have a present for you!” He presented her with some slime worms, writing in a bowl wrapped in a tasteless pink ribbon.
“How thoughtful!” his wife exclaimed, delightedly.
“I’m glad you like it” Camembert replied. “I had them specially sourced!” With any luck, he thought, she won’t notice they’re the cheapest brand available…