I QUIT!
“I don’t want to be a mom today!”
“My job stinks! That’s it, I am outta here!”
“These people are such hypocrites! I can do church at home and NOT have to deal with this each week!”
“My husband/wife is such a jerk! I don’t have to take this anymore – I deserve to be happy, right?”
“I can’t do this anymore. They would all be better off without me!”
If I had to be honest – I have thought of each of these statements in my life at least once or twice (key words there: AT LEAST). And, again, being as transparent as possible – I have meant it each and every time. While each statement represents a difficult situation, a trial if you will, the common thread amongst them all is QUITTING. Why do we quit? How do we get to that point? Better question, how can we handle the trials and keep our head in the game and push forward?
There are not many advantages to aging, but one that I have discovered is a little bit of wisdom and perspective. Here is my story about quitting:
I married my high school sweetheart right out of school. We had stars in our eyes and thought we had it all figured out! We had been dating for all four years and knew we were going to be a part of each other’s future. The wedding day came and we began our lives as husband and wife. Perfect, right? Well….the honeymoon was! LOL But, then reality came. Living together, growing together, becoming “One” was way harder than it looked. Turn the page and we immediately became pregnant and gave birth to a bouncing baby boy! From all the fairy tales I had read, this was the example of a happy life! We had it all. What was the problem? The problem, we soon discovered, was we had no foundation. We were, at the root of it all, selfish. We were still growing up together, but in the process were learning to grow apart. My husband and I had an idea of what WE thought of great day, home, life was – but it turned out they were different for each of us.Things came to a head 11 months after we were married. There we were – there was a cross in the road and we had to decide which way to turn. My idea? QUIT. It was easy. I would not have to deal with the troubles any more. He could do whatever he wanted and, in turn, so could I.
Move forward into the future several years. I had four children. My oldest son was now a teenager. Being the parent of a teen was not at all what I had planned. He was difficult. Rude. Disrespectful oftentimes. Belligerent. Hadn’t we taught him better than that? I placed many phone calls to my husband at work…. I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this. I am done.
Fast forward again…. We are attending a local church. We used to love it here. The people were like family. Why aren’t we happy anymore? If we call ourselves Christians – aren’t we all supposed to act like it? There was more loyalty and honesty from the secular world! I don’t need this. I can love God at home and NOT have to deal with these fake people. I quit.
Any of this sound familiar? Have you ever wanted to quit? In the Bible, Psalm 55:6, David said the same thing! “Oh that I had wings like a dove for then I would fly away and be at rest.” David was tired. Weary. Quitting and “flying” away sounded pretty great to him, too.
Where am I now? I am happily married. Still the mother of four amazing children. I have a great relationship with all of them. I am plugged in and attending church. I didn’t quit. Why? Because there is more to this life than ME. There is a bigger picture than what I see here and now. I mentioned earlier about the benefits of getting older. I can now see what God did and how He grew me in those difficult times. I still cannot go so far as to say I enjoyed them. They were HARD. But, I can say that now I know why I was allowed to go through them. Who I am today has a lot to do with the trials I have lived. How I relate to people, how God uses me to help others, is in direct relation to the life that God blessed me with – even the hard stuff. I look back and remember thinking, “I can’t do this! I don’t want to do this! I don’t deserve this!” Every one of those sentences begins with “I.” When we put “me” aside and start putting God and His wisdom for what we need in our life in charge, it changes things. It also changes how I see the situation. Psalm 18:30 says, “As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.” God is a refuge for us during those difficult times. Through the trials, I have learned to put my trust in Him. His wisdom. His strength. His plan.
It is not about Me. It is about what He can do through me.