A Frightening Experience
“Have you even seen a SKELETON before?”
Well, the story happened ten years ago when I was a teenager.
My friends, Tom, Roger and I went camping on Lamma Island. In the morning, we took a ferry and arrived there in the afternoon. It was a fine day. The sun was shining and the sky was clear. We pitched our tent on the hill near a big, dark cave.
Tom went to collect some sticks for making a fire. Roger and I went to cook the lunch. After having our lunch, we went to play. We flew our kites and we chatted during the daytime. We enjoyed ourselves.
In the evening, I cooked the dinner, then we played cards till midnight. At that moment, the weather suddenly changed. A lot of dark clouds covered the sky. The wind blew stronger and stronger, then there was a thunderstorm. Our tent was blown down by the strong wind. We ran to a cave nearby. The cave was dark with lots of bats flying around. I turned on my torch but still it was very dark. Then I kicked something so hard that I cried out in pain. We all thought that it was only a big rock, but when I shone my torch onto it, we saw a human skeleton. We did not dare to talk. I shivered. We were too shocked to move. A few minutes later, I threw my torch onto the ground and ran to the exit. When I looked back, I saw the skull smiling wickedly at us…
After that frightening experience, I was afraid of the dark. Up till now, whenever I close my eyes, I can still see the wicked smile of the skull. It was horrible. I won’t go camping forever.
By Wincy Lam (3R)
Teacher’s comment:
Your English is fluent and you could make good use of a wide range of vocabulary. I enjoy reading your work. Keep it up!
A Frightening Experience
Have you ever seen a skull? Last weekend, my friend, Roger, had a frightening experience…
Last weekend, Roger and his friends, Sam and Peter, went camping. They brought maps, food, compasses and backpacks with them. Then they pitched a tent near a cave and decided to stay there overnight. At midnight, the weather turned bad suddenly. It rained heavily, and it was very dark. Their tent was blown down by the strong wind. They wanted to find a shelter, but where could they find it? So they ran into the nearby cave.
It was very big, but also very dark! They couldn’t see anything, so Peter turned on the torch and looked around. Inside the cave, there were many bats. “I don’t want to stay here anymore!” Roger shouted. Suddenly, the torch went off. They could not see anything. “What are you doing, Roger?” Sam asked. “Ouch! I kicked something…It’s very hard. Oh! What can I do? I can’t see anything in the dark!” Roger cried. Then the torch worked again suddenly. But they couldn’t see any rocks or stones. They saw a skull, bones – the skeleton of a human being! Suddenly, there was a thunderstorm and then they saw a man who was coming nearer and nearer. They were scared, so they shouted, “Oh! Oh! Help me!”
“Cut!” A man suddenly shouted. Then the cave was bright, very bright. They could not see anything. What happened? They did not know. But after a few minutes, they knew everything. The skull was false; the bones were false too. They were only stage properties! Really? Yes! It was because Mr. Chan, a director, wanted to make a film which was called “The Reality Show”. So Roger and his friends were very “lucky” to be the actors in that film. Was Mr. Chan happy? No, he was angry because he and his crew had to film that scene again!
By Crystal Mui (3R)
Teacher’s comment:
This is a creative story. Your English is accurate and fluent on the whole. Keep it up!
A Frightening Experience
Last week, Roger had a wonderful weekend. He and his friends went camping. When they arrived at their campsite, they started to pitch their tent immediately. They had brought a lot of things for camping. Soon, they finished pitching the tent.
In the middle of the night, it rained suddenly and heavily. They rushed to the cave because of the wind. Their tent was blown down by the strong wind. They had hidden in the cave for two hours, but the rain still did not stop. They looked around the cave. It was very big with a lot of bats. Then, they switched on the torch and went further into the cave because of their curiosity.
It was so dark and they always kicked some small stones. They walked for a few minutes but they did not discover anything that was interesting. When they wanted to give up, suddenly, Roger was kicked by something and then fell down with a loud scream. Roger stood up and used the torch to see what had made him fall down. All of a sudden, their face turned pale because they discovered that the thing that they had hit was a skull! They saw the skull and some bones. They were frightened. They tried to get out of this strange cave but they could not, because a man without a head was calling them at their back. They screamed although no one would answer them. They became very frightened. They could even hear the heartbeats of each other. Soon, that man held a hammer up and hit them. All of them fainted. At the same time, Roger could hear somebody laughing…
Roger got up. He found that that he was in his bed in his house. He asked his mother what had happened a minute before. His mother answered him, “Your sister was just laughing loudly.”
By Ellen Wong (3R)
Teacher’s comment:
Good use of different action verbs to create the atmosphere in your story. Quite fluent on the whole.