Harry and Sue Have Been Dating for a Few Weeks. It Was Great at First but Sue Has Started

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Harry and Sue have been dating for a few weeks. It was great at first but Sue has started questioning Harry on who he’s spending time with and why he’s talking to other girls on Facebook or liking their pictures. He’s starting to feel conscious about how Sue will react if he even mentions any female friends.

Dave and Greg have been talking online and Greg has sent Dave pictures of himself naked. He started to regret this, when Dave keeps asking for more and more pictures and he has started to suspect he is maybe older than he said he was. When Greg said he didn’t want to send anymore, Dave threatened to share the pictures he already had on social media.

Dan is encouraging his girlfriend Sarah to have sex with his friends. He says if Sarah really loves him, she’d do this for him.

Sandy and Claire have often confided in each other. Claire has stopped showing as much interest in what Sandy has to say and tends to dismiss her feelings.

You feel able to talk honestly and openly about your feelings, without worrying about how they may respond.

You feel able to express your true opinion, beliefs and values; without being made fun of, criticised or belittled.

You feel able to be yourself, around the other person, without having to change your behaviour or the way you think to suit them.

You are able to make your own decisions, without influence or pressure from the other person.

We are able to sort out any problems or disagreements, without name calling or fighting.

You feel loved, valued and as though the other person considers your feelings and wishes.

I consider the other person to be a good friend of mine and understanding of my other friendships and relationships.

I feel as though they are interested in my life and me as a person.

You feel able to trust each other, without them being suspicious or checking up on where you are, who you are with and what you are doing.

You feel able to choose if you want to sexual contact or not, or to change your mind if you so wish.

You don’t feel pressurised to send nude pictures, share passwords or personal information with the other person.

You don’t feel threatened or scared into doing things you don’t want to because of the other person’s behaviour towards you or other people.

Becky Childs – C&YP Coordinator, Maggie Martin - Domestic Abuse Coordinator Children and Young People

& Chelsie Andrews – Engagement Worker

Green Light / Amber Light / Red Light
Open and honest communication

You can be honest with them.
Talk openly about your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and experiences.
Listen to each other and each have an equal say.
You feel respected, even they don’t always agree with you.
You feel able to tell the truth and to keep some things private.
You don’t feel lied to or misled by the other person.

You don’t always listen to each other.
You don’t try to understand where the other person is coming from.
You don’t discuss problems calmly.
You don’t feel like you can always be honest with each other.

You don’t always respect each other.

The other person constantly insults you or puts you down during an argument or disagreement.
The other person changes the way they treat you in front of other people.
The other person ignores, punishes or threatens you if they don’t get their own way.
You don’t say how you really feel or go along with what the other person wants, in order to avoid an argument or please them.

Trust and Respect

You feel valued, loved and cared for by the other person.
The other person shows you respect.
The other person is interested in your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, hopes and aspirations for the future.
You are supported by the other person.
You feel able to spend time apart and with other people.

You feel that sometimes the other person’s is only nice when you are doing what they want.
You feel that sometimes the other person doesn’t care about you, your opinions, thoughts, feelings or beliefs.
You feel as though you have to prove yourself and your loyalty to the other person.

You don’t always feel safe with the other person.
You feel as though you are being constantly checked up on (e.g. checking your phone, social media account, proving where you are.
The other person does not allow you to spend time or be in contact with other people, without their permission.

Equality and Consent

You feel as though you are heard within the relationship.
You feel equal to the other person.
You feel like you have choices and can change your mind, without receiving a negative response.
You can talk openly and honestly about sexual decisions together and can always change your mind, even after saying yes.
If you say no to sex, oral sex, touching or sending/sharing nude pictures; the other person doesn’t make you feel bad or pressure you to do otherwise.

Sometimes you don’t feel listened to or as though your thoughts and feelings don’t matter.
Sometimes you feel as though the other person makes fun of you and tries to make you look stupid.
Sometimes you feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to, to avoid upsetting them.
Sometimes you feel pressured into sharing nude pictures, talking about sex or share personal information with the other person.

You have no choice or say about anything.
You don’t feel equal.
The other person uses threats or violence into doing things you don’t want to, including having sex, oral sex, touching or sending/sharing nude pictures.
The other person pressures you into having sex with their friends.
The other person shares nude pictures of you without your permission, or threatens to do so.

Staying Safe in your Relationship

Health Check: If you have concerns about your relationship or would like to speak to someone about your relationship, the following services are able to provide support:

0191 257 8094 01434 6080 30/ 41 60 46

SCARPA Project Child Sexual Exploitation

0191 221 0836/0808 178 9185

0191 2120237 0191 226 0394

0191 2331333

Becky Childs – C&YP Coordinator, Maggie Martin - Domestic Abuse Coordinator Children and Young People

& Chelsie Andrews – Engagement Worker