Marriage Enrichment
God’s Promise for Marriage
(Family Ministries)
Rev. G. Michael Saunders, Sr.
I Hope You Dance
By
LeAnn Womack
(
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out - reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always, rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)
I hope you dance
I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance!
(Time is a real and constant motion always, rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)
I hope you dance
Table of Contents
Preface
Introduction
I. Lesson 1.What is Marriage?
II. Lesson 2. What is Marriage Enrichment?
III. Lesson 3. Why Do We Need to Practice Marriage Enrichment?
IV. Lesson 4. Marriage Enrichment Begins with Safety.
V. Lesson 5. Marriage Enrichment is Serving Our Spouses.
VI. Lesson 6. Marriage Enrichment is Becoming One With Your Spouse.
VII. Lesson 7. Communication is the Secret to Marriage Enrichment.
VIII. Lesson 8. The Act of Marriage is Marriage Enrichment.
IX. Appendices
X. Bibliography
PREFACE
Before I was married in 1976 we went to pre-marital counseling with the President of the Christian College we were attending. We had three or four very good general sessions, which consisted mostly of spiritual ideas of marriage, honeymoon issues and what to do when we fight. We had a Christian wedding and we committed to having a Christian marriage and family. We were married for almost fifteen years and had three beautiful children. We went through Bible College and Seminary and our first church together. Then, it was over. I am sorry to say that I learned in a very personal and very clear manner the difference between a bad marriage and a strong, healthy marriage.
We did not believe in divorce. We were raised in a denomination that taught that divorce was almost the second unpardonable sin. We believed that too. When we changed denominations to a more Reformed theology, we were still taught the horrors and evils of divorce. We believed that also. Because of these beliefs our marriage lasted longer than it would have naturally. Our marriage ended in every real way after eight years and yet we struggled to make it work for another seven years. It was beyond our belief that two Christians, with solid theology, serving in the Lord’s service fulltime could end up in divorce. It was completely unacceptable. Yet, there we were – divorced.
It is very clear to me exactly when and why my marriage started to go wrong. And it is very clear to me that I did not know what to do to make it work or how to save it. I tried very hard to save my marriage and make it wonderful, but all the very hard work I was doing was not the right work. I was trying to build a skyscraper with a spatula. I did not understand what I needed to do and I did not know what tools I needed and so ultimately I did everything wrong. The worst part is, I never knew what was needed to have a good and healthy and exciting marriage to begin with. No matter how good my intentions were if I did everything wrong it was still not going to work.
After two years the Lord graciously gave me a loving and beautiful wife. Our dating life consisted of dealing with all the issues that caused my divorce so that it could never be repeated. We prayed, we studied, we went to counseling, we went to conferences, and we read books and conducted marriage Bible studies with others. All of these things helped us tremendously and our marriage today is blessed by these activities. However, the most important thing that the Lord showed me that I was able to bring to my new marriage was to trust in Him completely.
You see, I realized after my divorce and a time of counseling and healing, that while I was a Christian, I had put my faith for marriage and life in the truth of my reformed faith, in the success of my church ministry, in God’s blessings through calling my children to saving faith. These were all wonderful things, but they are the actions God takes, they are not God. I was trusting in my theology for a happy and successful life, but I was not trusting in and putting all my faith in Jesus Himself. I realized that to have a successful marriage I must love Jesus more every day and get closer to Him every day. Everything else is wonderful, but He alone makes the difference.
So this book is written to help you to understand what the foundation of a good marriage is. I believe that you will be surprised by what is in this book. It is not new information but information that is vital to a happy marriage. Much of this information we do not connect to our marriages. Many of these teachings we never work on. My view of marriage and the work it takes to have a successful one based on the promises of God is not commonly accepted. Yet I believe it is a matter of taking spiritual truths that we already know and applying them to our marriages as well as to the other parts of our lives.
You will have to build your marriage. It will be unique to you. There will be no other relationship like it in the history of the world. But you will need this foundation, which is the same foundation for every marriage if it is to be the glorious and joyful experience that God intended!
Introduction
Course Description
This course is part of the Family Ministries course of study and provides the fundamentals in understanding marriage and how – through teaching and pastoral counseling – to teach others how to make their marriages what God intended them to be so that they can enjoy their marriages to the fullest in this life. And in so doing glorify God and enjoy Him to the fullest.
The course is not auto-didactic. Nor is it principally academic in nature. A mature teacher must be prepared to play the role of mentor to his students, rather than a mere instructor.
The number of students in the class should be small, to allow for the interchange necessary in the mentoring process. Eight to twelve students are the ideal number. The course should be as practical as possible, dealing with real life situations and problems that the leader will encounter personally and in the context of his ministry.
Finally, the teacher must keep in mind at all times, that this class is training in marriage enrichment, not just a teaching about marriage enrichment. The goal is for the student to experience a better marriage personally as a result of an increased knowledge of marriage enrichment as well as learning how to teach it to others.
Purpose of the Course
1. To establish in the mind of the student the Biblical concept and definition of a successful, fulfilling, joyous, life long marriage that brings glory to God and allows the couple to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
2. To help the student develop a full understanding of God’s plan revealed in His word, for marriage.
3. Identify and practice the skills, gifts and talents for the enriching of their own marriages.
4. Gain the skills to teach and counsel others to enrich their marriages.
Summary of course content.
This course will give the student the tools for a successful and long term marriage based on the principle of glorifying God and enjoying Him forever. It will provide the student with the tools necessary to lead others to happy marriages through Christ.
Course materials.
Dan Allender & Tremper Longman III. The Intimate Mystery. Downers Grove, Ill.; Intervarsity Pres., 2005.
Tim & Beverly LaHaye. The Act of Marriage, The Beauty of Sexual Love. Grand Rapids, Michigan; Zondervan Press, 1998.
Michael Saunders. Marriage Enrichment: God’s Loving Promises for Marriage. Miami, Florida; M.I.N.T.S., 2006.
Gary Smalley. Making Love Last Forever. Dallas, TX.; Word Publishing, 1996.
Greg Smalley & Robert Paul. The DNA of Relationships for Couples. Carol Stream, IL; Tyndale House, 2006
Ed Wheat & Gloria Oaks Perkins. Love Life For Every Married Couple. Grand Rapids, Michigan, Zondervan Press, 1997
H. Norman Wright. Communication, Key to Your Marriage. Ventura, California: Regal Press, 2000.
Objectives of the course.
1- Participation in classroom discussion
2- Comprehension of course materials
3- Familiarization with course bibliography
4- Development of ministry skills in Marriage Enrichment Education
5- Retention of course materials and application to real ministry
6- Application of course materials to their own marriage
These objectives will be evaluated in four ways (See evaluation of the course).
Structure of the course.
How the course will be conducted.
1. For students studying at a distance and not attending course lectures:
a. The student will contact the MINTS Academic Dean in order to register
for the course and be assigned a supervising professor.
b. The student will identify his or her mentor, who will locally oversee the
course. The mentor will verify that all of the lessons have been read and
homework completed. Note: The supervising professor of MINTS must approve the mentor.
c. The student will download the course syllabus and begin studies.
d. The mentor will send the lesson completion chart, the exam completion chart and the case study to the supervising professor.
e. The supervising professor will review and record the grades, ensure that they are registered with the MINTS Registrar and that the final grade is sent to the student and mentor.
2. For students studying at a distance who attend course lectures:
a. MINTS will provide an orientation to the course (by invitation by a professor).
b. The student will attend 15 hours of lectures.
c. The student will complete the lesson assignments and give them to the professor, who also serves as the mentor.
d. The supervising MINTS professor will review the student’s work (attendance, lesson completion and case study grade) and have the final grade registered with the MINTS Registrar. The Registrar will send the group leader the student’s final grade.
e. The student will read 500 pages from the course Bibliography.
Lesson Development.
Lesson 1 - What is Marriage?
Homework:
1. Read chapter one and two of Marriage Enrichment: God’s Loving Promise.
2. Choose your case study couple and set up a 7-week program of counseling.
3. Read - Making Love Last Forever by Dr. Gary Smalley
Lesson 2 - What is Marriage Enrichment?
Due This Week:
1. Turn in report of your first marriage enrichment counseling session.
2. Submit an initial proposal for a Couple’s Marriage Enrichment Weekend Retreat for your church.
Homework:
1. Read chapter three of Marriage Enrichment: God’s Loving Promise.
2. Read - Love Life For Every Married Couple by Dr. Ed Wheat
3. Prepare a study guide for the Couples Retreat.
Lesson 3 - Why Do We Need to Practice Marriage Enrichment?
Due This Week:
1. Turn in report of your second marriage enrichment counseling session.
2. Submit a study guide for the Couples Retreat.
Homework:
1. Read chapter four of Marriage Enrichment: God’s Loving Promise.
2. Read – The DNA of Relationships for Couples by Dr. Greg Smalley
3. Create a schedule for the Couples Retreat.
Lesson 4 – Marriage Enrichment Begins With Safety
Due This Week:
1. Turn in report of your third marriage enrichment counseling session.
2. Submit a schedule for the Couples Retreat.
Homework:
1. Read chapter five of Marriage Enrichment: God’s Loving Promise.
2. Read – The Languages of Love
3. Prepare a report showing your language of love and your spouses language of love and what difference this makes in the way you treat each other
Lesson 5 - Marriage Enrichment is Serving Our Spouses.
Due This Week:
1. Turn in report of your fourth marriage enrichment counseling session.
2. Turn in a report showing your language of love and your spouses language of love and what difference this makes in the way you treat each other
Homework:
1. Read chapter Six of Marriage Enrichment: God’s Loving Promise.
2. Read - The Intimate Mystery by Dan Allender
3. Prepare a list of 13 dates that you and your spouse can realistically (financially, child care, travel, work concerns, etc.) go on for the next quarter.
Lesson 6 - Marriage Enrichment is Becoming One With Your Spouse.
Due This Week:
1. Turn in report of your fifth marriage enrichment counseling session.
2. Submit a list of 13 dates that you and your spouse can realistically (financially, child care, travel, work concerns, etc.) go on for the next quarter.
Homework:
1. Read chapter seven of Marriage Enrichment: God’s Loving Promise.
2. Read - Communication, Key to Your Marriage by Norman Wright
3. Research and recommend a Christian Divorce Prevention Program with an explanation of the program and why you believe you can use this program in your ministry or church.
Lesson 7 - Communication is the Secret to Marriage Enrichment.
Due This Week:
1. Turn in report of your sixth marriage enrichment counseling session.
2. Submit your Christian Divorce Prevention Program
Homework:
1. Read chapter eight of Marriage Enrichment: God’s Loving Promise.
2. Read - The Act of Marriage, The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim Lahaye
3. Turn in a list of 10 Christian Internet websites dealing specifically with sexual issues in Christian Marriage with a brief description of each.
Lesson 8- The Act of Marriage is Marriage Enrichment.
Due This Week:
1. Turn in report of your seventh marriage enrichment counseling session.
2. Prepare a list of 10 Christian Internet websites dealing specifically with sexual issues in Christian Marriage with a brief description of each.
Course Requirements
- Attend 15 hours of class and participate in the discussion time.
- Pass a short quiz at the end of each class (for credit students only).
- Complete reading and writing assignments required between classes.
- Complete one case study during the term.
- Become familiar with readings related to the course theme(s).
- Pass the final comprehensive exam (for credit students only).
- Read 500 pages from the course Bibliography.
Grading Basics
- Student participation: One point may be given (15%) for each class hour attended.
- Quizzes: One point (8%) for each class quiz passed.
- Student homework: Two points may be given (15%) for each homework assignment for the 8 lessons.
- Student readings: Bachelor level students will read 300 extra pages and write a 3-page book report. Master level students will read 500 pages and write a 5-page book report. Doctoral level students will read 5000 pages and present an annotated bibliography (20%).
- Student case study: The writer of the course will assign a case study, which puts knowledge into action (17%).
- Student exam: The student will demonstrate his/her understanding of the main concepts and content of the course materials (25%).
Course Objective
This course will enhance the marriage of the student and teach them valuable tools to enhance the marriages of the people in their congregations and ministries. It will also be useful for them in marriage counseling settings.
The student will be able to conclude this course with several very useful plans and tools for ministry in Marriage Enrichment through Pastoral ministry and Christian counseling.
Chapter One
What is Marriage?
'When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now.... When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased.' – C.S. Lewis
Marriage is a Divine Institution
Genesis 2:18-23
18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." 19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, for she was taken out of man."(1).
God Himself Originated Marriage
God created marriage before the fall into sin and it was good. He created it in a sinless world, with sinless people, as a sinless institution. He created it for His glory and for our good. He created it to be wonderful and fulfilling and joyous and passionate and with every other blessing for a happy life in relationship with another. Because of this wonderful part of creation, marriage was and is the context for living out the fullness of God’s goodness (2).