Miller/GONE 1
Pat Miller
First Version
July 2002
1112 words
GROUNDHOG GONE
Griff Groundhog was leaving Piney Creek on vacation. He had won a ten-day ocean cruise. Griff packed his flowered shirts, his flippy sandals, and his groundhog sunglasses. The mail mouse was going to save his mail for him. His groundhog neighbor, Gertie, was going to feed Griff’s pet goldfish every day. Griff got film for his camera, traveling money from the bank, and all his friends’ addresses so he could send them postcards.
Everything was ready for the big trip except one thing. Griff had to leave on Thursday. Friday was Groundhog Day. It was Griff’s job to pop out of his burrow on February 2 to let folks know if spring would be early or late. He had not missed a Groundhog Day in 14 years. But he was going to miss this one.
“I can do it for you,” said Gertie. Gertie was a cute groundhog with shiny brown fur and a pointy black nose. Griff worried that folks would rather see her sweet face on Groundhog Day and he would lose his job.
“No, thanks, Gertie. You are already looking out for my goldfish I will ask someone else to do my job on Groundhog Day.”
“What am I going to do?” thought Griff. “Groundhog Day is just three days away.”
He waddled over to the Hidey Hole Diner for his usual lunch of clover salad. Near the cash register hung a board covered with notes that neighborhood animals pinned up. Skunk advertised for a roommate. Again. Mr. and Mrs. Duck were flying north and had their nest for rent. A note from the diner asked for someone to help with the lunch crowd.
“That’s what I’ll do!” shouted Griff. Beaver, who was slicing sandwiches, glanced at Griff as he quickly jotted a Help Wanted note and stuck it to the board. “I’ll advertise for a groundhog substitute.”
The next morning, Griff peeped out of his hole to see a long line of animals waiting for the Groundhog Day job. Surely one of them could predict spring’s beginning just this one time.
First in line was Mole. His gray fur was messy and he had dirt under his claws.
“You have to be willing to do down in my hole,” Griff told him. “It’s pretty dark in there.”
“No problem,” said Mole. "My own hole is even darker.”
Mole was very comfortable in Griff’s dark hole. Griff yelled down, “Okay, now come up and tell me if you see your shadow.”
Mole peeked over the edge. He turned his head and looked all around.
“Well, Mole, what do you see?”
Mole squinted his little eyes and spoke to a nearby tree. “Is that you, Griff?” asked Mole.
Griff stomped both feet, shook his little tail, and told the waiting animals, “This won’t work! I need an animal that can see well.”
Eagle stepped forward. “I can see a tiny field mouse from half a mile up in the sky. I can surely see my shadow.”
“Great,” said Griff. “Climb down in my hole and let’s practice.”
Eagle began to climb down the ladder. After two steps he said, “Griff, I can’t go down into this small dark space. I’m used to wide open spaces where I can stretch my wings.”
Griff stomped both feet, shook his little tail, and told the waiting animals, “This won’t work! I need an animal that can see well and isn’t afraid of small dark spaces.”
Bear stepped forward. “I like small dark spaces. My own cave is snug and cozy.”
“Great,” said Griff. “Climb down in my hole and let’s practice.”
Bear climbed down the ladder into the hole.
“This is perfect,” yelled Bear. “It’s even more comfy than my own cave.”
“Now come out and tell me if you see your shadow,” said Griff. There was no answer from the hole.
Griff poked his head below the ground. “Bear, come out and look for your shadow!”
The only answer was a deep, slow snore.
Griff stomped both feet, shook his little tail, and told the waiting animals, “This won’t work! I need an animal that can see well, isn’t afraid of small dark spaces, and doesn’t fall asleep.”
Puppy danced and leaped to the front of the line. “I can do it. I can do it. Let me try.”
“Okay,” said Griff. “You can try. Go down in the hole, then come back up and tell me if you see your shadow.”
Puppy leaped into the hole. In a minute, he popped his head back up. Griff said, “Do you see your shadow?”
Puppy said, “This is so much fun! I want to do it again.” Down he went.
“Wait,” said Griff. Before he could say another word, up popped Puppy. His pink tongue flopped as he barked with excitement. Before Griff could ask if he saw his shadow, Puppy dropped down in the hole.
Griff stomped both feet, shook his little tail, and told the waiting animals, “This won’t work! I need an animal that can see well, isn’t afraid of small dark spaces, won’t fall asleep, and pops up and stays up.”
Armadillo, who had come north to visit Badger, stepped forward. “I can do it,” said Armadillo. “I live in a hole. I like the dark. I wake up from hibernating the same time you do. I can see my shadow just fine, and I won’t pop up and down like a jack in the box.”
Griff said, “Let’s practice.”
Armadillo climbed down into Griff’s hole. He poked his head up and looked around. Sure enough, he saw his shadow.
“I see it, Griff. That means we’ll have a longer winter, right?”
“Right,” said Griff. “And if you don’t see your shadow, spring will be early.”
“Got it,” said Armadillo.
“Great! You are hired.” Griff and Armadillo shook paws.
The next morning, Griff Groundhog left for his cruise. He was gone for ten days. On the ship Griff worried about Armadillo. Would he get it right? Would the animals of Piney Creek like Armadillo better than him? Griff’s worries almost spoiled his vacation.
The day Griff returned to Piney Creek, the sun was shining brightly and the heat shimmered off his fur coat. He scurried to the Hidey Hole Diner to look for Gertie.
“How did Armadillo do?” asked Griff.
“He popped out of your hole all right,” said Gertie. “When Armadillo didn’t see his shadow, he made his big announcement about an early spring. Only problem is, since that critter is from Texas, he said that summer would be here early! That’s how come it’s so hot today, Griff. Promise you’ll never leave Piney Creek on Groundhog Day again.”
Miller/SUBSTITUTE 1
Pat Miller
February 26, 2005
757 words
SUBSTITUTE GROUNDHOG
This was not going to be your usual Groundhog Day. This year Groundhog had the flu. His muscles ached and his throat hurt.
Dr. Hoot told Groundhog to go home. “Drink clover broth and spend three more days in bed.”
Groundhog slowly headed home to his cozy bed with its four soft pillows and flannel quilt. Suddenly he remembered Groundhog Day. He couldn’t let his friends down but he was too sick to do the job. He needed help.
Groundhog passed the Hidey Hole Diner and saw notes from neighborhood animals tacked to a tree. Skunk advertised for a roommate. Again. Mr. and Mrs. Duck were returning north and had their nest for rent.
“That’s what I’ll do! I’ll advertise for a substitute groundhog.”
Within an hour, a line of animals waited to try out.
“Great!” said Groundhog with a sneeze. “Surely one of you can do Groundhog Day for me.”
Mole was first. His gray fur was muddy. He had dirt under his claws.
“You have to do down in my hole,” Groundhog told Mole. “It’s pretty dark down there.”
“No problem,” said Mole. “My own hole is even darker.”
Mole got comfortable underground. Groundhog yelled down, “Okay now come up. Can you see your shadow?”
Mole peeked over the edge.
“Well, Mole, what do you see?”
Mole squinted his little eyes and spoke to a tree. “Is that you, Groundhog?”
Groundhog blew his nose. “This won’t work. I need someone that sees well.”
Eagle stepped up. “I can spy a tiny mouse from half a mile in the sky. I can easily see my shadow from your hole in the ground.”
“Great,” said Groundhog. “Climb down and let’s practice.”
Eagle began to climb into the hole. After two steps he said, “Groundhog, this space is too small. I’m used to wide open sky where I can stretch my wings.”
Groundhog rubbed his scratchy throat. “This won’t work. I need someone that sees well and is not bothered by small spaces.”
Bear was next. “I like small spaces. My own cave is snug and cozy.”
“Great,” said Groundhog. “Climb down and let’s practice.”
“This is perfect!” yelled Bear from the hole. “It’s even more comfy than my own cave.”
“Come out and take a look.” There was no answer.
Groundhog poked his head below ground. “Bear, come look for your shadow!”
The only answer was a deep, slow snore.
Groundhog sneezed again. “This won’t work. I need someone that sees well, is not bothered by small spaces, and won’t fall asleep.”
Squirrel bounced to the front of the line. “I can do it. I can do it. Let me try.”
“Okay,” said Groundhog. “Go down in my hole. Then come back up and tell me if you see your shadow.”
Squirrel leaped in, followed by her fluffy tail. In seconds, she popped her head back up. Groundhog said, “See your shadow?”
Squirrel said, “Oh I forgot to look!” Let me do it again.” Down she went.
“Wait!” said Groundhog. Before he could say another word, up popped Squirrel. Her beady black eyes shone with excitement.
“This is fun!” said Squirrel. She dropped down the hole before Groundhog could ask about her shadow.
Groundhog thought of his warm quilted bed. “This won’t work. I need an animal that sees well, isn’t bothered by small spaces, won’t fall asleep, and pops up and stays up.”
Armadillo, who was visiting Badger, stepped forward. “I can do it,” said Armadillo. “I live in a hole. I like small spaces. I see my shadow just fine. And I won’t pop up and down like a jack in the box.”
“Good! Let’s practice,” said Groundhog.
Armadillo climbed down into Groundhog’s hole. She poked her head up and looked around. Sure enough, she saw her shadow.
“That would mean winter will drag on,” said Groundhog. “But if you don’t see your shadow tomorrow, spring will come early.”
“Got it,” said Armadillo.
Groundhog and Armadillo shook paws. Groundhog trudged into his bedroom. He sipped warm clover soup. He plumped his pillows and tucked his sore self under the flannel quilt.
The next day, Armadillo came over to wake Groundhog for some get-well chocolates and the bad news.
“I’m sorry, Groundhog,” said Armadillo. “I saw my shadow early this morning so we will have a longer winter.”
“That’s perfect!” said Groundhog as he snuggled his teddy and scooted further under his quilt. “That means six more weeks to stay in bed.” In seconds his snores filled the room and Armadillo tiptoed out into the cold.
Miller/SUBSTITUTE 1
Look closely at the two versions.
Between the two versions, characters came and went. The reason for groundhog’s absence changed from winning a cruise, to getting too old, to caring for his sick mother, to participating in the All-Stars, then to being a contestant in Forest Idol. Finally, I simply gave Groundhog the flu.
The second of these twodraftsspurred a letter from Albert Whitman that said, in part, “I really enjoyed it, up to the end, which falls a little flat after Groundhog goes back to bed…Would you like to take another try at it?” I did, and a few months later, I received a call from Albert Whitman--they would like to publish Substitute Groundhog!
I didn’t know it then, but my editor, Wendy McClure, would request further edits. The published version is different from the final draft you see here. For one thing, the word count ballooned from 757 to 1025. The beginning is different. The ending is different. Substitute Groundhog went on to become a Junior Library Guild selection, an audiobook, translated into French, and a featured book in the Scholastic book order sent to schools across America. Revision was the key to all this success!
- Compare the two drafts line by line. Highlight in the second draft those words which are the same as the first. What percentage has changed?
- Search the documents for sensory words, similes, and metaphors. Which has more? Were additional ones added in the published book?
- What content changes were made between the first and final, or between the first and the book? For example, one character has changed, and another has been added. What else?
- The illustrator can show a lot of what is in the text, allowing it to be removed. Check out a copy of Substitute Groundhog, or order one. Which text details were left out because Kathi Ember is showing them in the illustrations?
- Looking at these two drafts, what have you learned that can be applied to your writing?