Family and Children

A Talk betweenthe Kabbalist and scientist Michael Laitman, Ph.D. and the instructors of Kabbalah AcademyMichael Sanilevich and Eugene Litvar

August 5, 2007

Table of Contents:

  • Introduction
  • Love according to spiritual laws
  • A jealous husband
  • Affairs
  • Is it possible to solve family problems?
  • Does a human embryo have a soul?
  • Family relationships in the spiritual
  • About abortions
  • The attitude of religions and Kabbalah toward child bearing and abortions
  • The Bible’s role in the formation of a moral character in humanity

Introduction

E. Litvar: Today’s talk has to do with family, motherhood, children, and their upbringing. We already spoke about family, but we received several other questions, hence we are continuing our discussion.

M. Laitman: It would be very interesting to know the mentality of the people who asked these questions.

E. Litvar: These questions came from people who are not your students that studyKabbalah; they are people from the street.

Love according to spiritual laws

M. Sanilevich: Here is the first question: “Is it possible to build a system of relations between people called ‘love,’ which would correspond to spiritual laws? Will the examples of successful families help in this regard, and do such families exist today?”

M. Laitman: We already spoke of the fact that simple, normal, natural relationships existed between people.For example, “I give you my goat and you give me a horse in exchange,” or “here is a piece of bread for you, and you give me a gallon of milk,” and so on—people lived in one community. There was a small civilization, and everything was fine. Then this civilization suddenly received an enormous egoistic push on the inside, and this push literally erupted within it. This happened in Ancient Babylon, Mesopotamia—the cradle of humanity.

Thisegoisticburstcausedeveryoneandeverything to intermix. People began to build completely unnatural and artificial interconnections between them. Money, art, and culture emerged; such interrelations as “rich and poor,” “strong and weak,” “yours and mine,” as well as various legal documents, and so on emerged. People began to invent how they could be connected with each other. Consequently, today a multitude of artificial interconnections have accumulated.

A thousand years ago, or even a few hundred years ago, when something (it doesn’t matter what) would occur in one place in the world, no one would hear or know anything about it in another place. Buttodayeverythingisalreadyinterconnected.

I read ancient chronicles that described the events from four thousand years ago in Israel (Kiryat-Gat and Jerusalem, a 30 kilometer radius), and this is how they were written: “We saw that there was a blaze and something was burning on that side, on the territory of the people who lived there.” People were so distant from each other that it seemed like a huge distance for them. They didn’t even know if something in fact burned there or not, whether the people were alive or dead. What is 30 kilometers for us today? Right now, when everyone depends on each other, even 3000 kilometers is not a great distance.

We built a completely incorrect system of interrelations between us. On the still, vegetative, and animal levels of our bodies we exist the way nature indicates to us, according to its laws. However, on the human level, in the interrelations between people, we behave as though we already know what we need to do.

On the “speaking” level we don’t receive any precise inner directions from the side of natural instincts, and this is why we have done so many unnecessary things here. Starting from culture and going on to social, personal, and family relationships, the upbringing of children, economical and political connections—anywhere you turn, it is all built by us artificially, without any regard to how nature reacts to it, whether or not the interactions of people with each other are determined in nature.

This is precisely what Kabbalah tells us: how people can build the kind of proper interrelations that are already defined by nature but are not instilled in human instincts, and therefore by cognizing them we need to establish the same kind of relationships between those similar to us on our own. If we would realize this, we would be able to see this proper model and recreate it between us, and then we would reach the most wonderful existence: the state of the world of Infinity. We would rise to the highest level of nature, where we would cease to feel that we are lowly and briefly existing.

You are talking about a family. We behave incorrectly in all of our relationships, and we don’t know how to create a correct form of communication between us. Therefore, we cannot manage without the science of Kabbalah neither in the creation of a family, the upbringing of children, or even in building any interconnections between relatives, not to mention people that are distant to us or complete strangers.

The question can be phrased the following way: “What law is established in nature regarding the relationship of a husband and a wife, parents and children, grownups and youth, relatives, societies, nations, and so on?” There is an answer to all of this, but it isn’t very simple—it has to do with the system of relationships between souls, since our bodies are not taken into account here. Whatisabody? Itmerelycarriesoutitsfunction. Allthatpertainstorelationships between peoplecomesfromaperson’sdesire. Aperson’sdesireishissoul.

M. Sanilevich: Whyiseverythingsodifficult?

M. Laitman: Everything is difficult because this is the only place, where one is given a chance for freedom of will. A person is given an opportunity to become similar to Upper nature, which is perfect, but under the condition that he discerns on his own in what way he is anti-natural, egoistic, and opposite to it.

This is why we create absolutely incorrect and fouled systems, in which every person constructs himself on his own: “I want to be richer,” “I want to be stronger,” “I want to be more famous,” “I want to know more,” “I want to use others in one way or another.” Every person does this to the extent of his inner aspirations and desires. Canyouimaginewhatwe’vedonebetweenus? We have created a system of relationships between people that nourishes us on its own and creates improper connections within us. Consequently, we are in a horrible state of crisis today.

The solution to the crisis consists of discovering the improper communication and relationships between people and constructing them in a proper manner. Nothing else is demanded of us, since in every other respect, all of nature is ideal. The still, vegetative, and animal levels of nature exist precisely according to their laws. If there is anyone here that ruins anything, it is us, on the level of our interrelations, where we can act outside of pressure and instincts, so to speak.

E. Litvar: From what you are saying we can conclude that marriage itself was invented by people.

M. Laitman: No, just like the fact that we are drawn to each other and depend on each other was not invented by people. Itissaid, “Goandearnfromeachother.” This means that we are purposely created in such a way that not a single person can provide for himself—he needs others for that; no one can make a continuation of himself on his own, he needs a sexual partner for that; no one can be sure that he will not need help from the outside, and therefore he needs to have family and close ones nearby.

All of this is created for a reason. Relatives and close ones—aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandpas, and so on—did not appear in nature without a reason. All of this comes from a special particular hierarchy of spiritual forces, which descend onto us. In accordance with this, such relationships are based on causes and consequencesthat result in our world also, but we establish them incorrectly. The fact that we have grandparents, parents, sons and daughters, and so on—all of that is correct; however, the relationships between them are established incorrectly. In any case, the presence of all of these levels, and also a need for interaction between us, come from nature.

M. Sanilevich: Is this family connection preserved in the future?

M. Laitman: No, don’t you see that in our world today even the closest ties between parents and children, or a husband and a wife are also beginning to break? It is quite possible that in the next generation children will not even know who their parents are, and maybe a husband and a wife will come together only to make a child. Just look at how distant people are becoming to each other—our egoism does not allow us to stand each other.

Sometime ago the whole family lived in one room: parents, children, grandparents, and that was enough. But today each child needs his own room. And now you have 20 bedrooms, each person has his own bedroom, and there is only one place in the house, where everyone gathers sometimes. This was never the case before even with big groups of people!

In other words, people are becoming more distant toward each other, and this is natural.But they are becoming distant due to a need, because they feel that the connections that they built between them are bad, and consequently they don’t provide a proper, comfortable state of being.

E. Litvar: You are saying that people are becoming more distant and this is natural. By “natural” do you mean that it is good or bad?

M. Laitman: Natural because it is impossible to stand what comes out of these artificially created connections. Therefore, a distancing from a source of evil and troubles is natural.

E. Litvar: So 20 rooms, a separate bedroom for every child, is this good or bad?

M. Laitman: It doesn’t help.

E. Litvar: Would it be better if everyone was together?

M. Laitman: No, it would not be better. How can it be better to be together if you cannot stand this? There would be murders in families. Try to lock everyone in one room, and you will see what will happen.

Therefore, of course it is better if there are 20 rooms; this seems to somehow reduce the social pressure. But in essence, this doesn’t do anything, since it is not the remedy, and it does not correct people or bring them closer to each other. It allows each of them to find their own corner, but it does not become the solution to the problem.

The solution to the problem consists of something else, not in separating people from each other, like on the internet or in other means of communication, where one person sends a brief SMS to another and that’s it. It seems to us that this connects people together, but it does the opposite, it distances them from each other. It seems that the internet brings us closer: now we can write to each other and contact each other with ease. No, thistypeofcommunicationisfalseanddefective; it gives us an opportunity to hide behind external connections, and we don't even need to introduce ourselves or know the person we are communicating with. In other words, a person loses his identity.

Look at what is happening in our world with clothing, behavior, equal rights of men and women, and so on. Everyone neutralizes: boys and girls in their outside appearance, their demands, and tastes are no different from each other; men and women go to soccer games, women go to beer bars and physical trainings. Just 50 yearsagowedidnotseethis. I am not saying that this bad or good; simply look at the kind of period this is.

Everyone becomes single and independent units, separated from others. However, the need to communicate remains. Look at the form in which it occurs: an impersonal form. Andallofthisisdoneinordertoseemingly reduce the pressure that arises between us when we are forced to be together. Pay attention to how people work.For example, every programmer sits in his own cell, separate from the others, and nothing more. He comes home from his cell, turns on the TV, and sits in front of the TV also alone. Thecommunicationisminimal. Allofthisgoesagainstnature because on the spiritual level we are absolutely connected to each other, we depend on each other, and cannot just separate ourselves.

In other words, as a consequence of our mutual separation today, we will not be able to create a comfortable life for ourselves; we will still be forced to reveal the defectiveness of this path.

E. Litvar: You said that in the spiritual we are incapable of separating from each other. Do you mean that we cannot do this because something holds us together by force, or is it that we can’t because we don’t want to?

M. Laitman: We are held together by force. We represent an absolutely whole and interactive system, since we are connected with each other with invisible threads. Therefore, fixing our relationships with our kids or our parents will not help us. There is only one answer to all of our complaints. You will not be able to solve the problems of fathers and children or married couples in a satisfying manner by trying to somehow improve their state. It can be improved only by advising them to examine it on the spiritual level. In other words, the more similar a person is to the Upper world, the more comfortable he feels. And this will be the only solution to all the questions.

Besidesthis, wehavenofreedomofwillinanything. Freedom of will consists only in revealing the evil in our own defective development with the help of our reasonand taking nature as an example, imitating it and realizing this model on ourselves. In fact, this is the predestination of our corporeal existence.

E. Litvar: Let’s say that ten minutes ago, some person in Australia heard what you are saying, for the first time in his life. He put a disc with our talk into his computer and is watching it. Do you think that he will understand you?

M. Laitman: First, we need to learn to understand the true nature of the world, and only after we understand it, should we come down into our world from there. Kabbalah tells us that in order to understand our world, one first needs to rise to a higher, spiritual level, and only then begin to descend from above into our world, having realized how everything needs to be in our world, like a copy, interconnected and similar to the Upper world.

One should not try to make sense of our world, since he will not understand anything in it anyway and will just make mistakes and wander around in circles, like in a labyrinth. We only need to understand how the nature of the Upper world is arranged,from where all the laws and forces descend onto us, and only then come down from above and see how to reach similarity to that here. All of us need to do this. If we do this, and the two worlds combine, load on top of one another, we will reach the most comfortable, eternal, and perfect state.

Therefore, I cannot give any other advice except to pick up a book.

E. Litvar: Meanwhile, a person wonders what to do with his wife and kids. Should he make money or engage in spiritual work?

M. Laitman: Kabbalah tells us very simply: everything that is given to you in this world—the wife, children, work, mother in law, etc.—should be left as is. In other words, don’t “run away from this,” but continue to exist in the same environment and the same boundaries that are given to you. The most important thing is to open a book that will tell you everything about this world. Although it is only about the spiritual, you will also find out everything about this world.

A jealous husband

M. Sanilevich: A woman is asking, “My husband has practically destroyed my life with his jealousy.Ican’ttakeastepwithouthim. ItislikeIamlivinginhell. DoesjealousyreallycomefromGod? SurelyitmustbefromSatan. WhatshouldIdo?”

M. Laitman: It’spossiblethattherearevariousproblemspresent. Eitherheorshemighthaveasicknessofsomesort. Regular jealousy in people is not displayed to such an extreme that one person doesn’t allow another to make the slightest free movement.

It is necessary to build some kind of trust, take mutual responsibilities upon you, reach a compromise that is acceptable for both people. But if we see that we cannot control the situation, then we give in to it—nothing else can be done. There are some people who know for sure that their partner has a lover on the side, but they reconcile with this and continue to exist like this. There are various possibilities here.

Inthisparticularsituation, itseemsthatitisjustaperson’ssickstate.

M. Sanilevich: So if either of these people are ill, then they just need to consult with a doctor?

M. Laitman: Kabbalah only tells us about a proper relationship between people on the level of “human to human.” If there is a state of illness in this particular situation, a physiological or psychological pathology, then it is necessary to use the help of a doctor, just like the Torah tells us, “A doctor is given the opportunity to cure.”

E. Litvar: If, in this situation, the husband refuses to get treatment, does the woman have the right to divorce him from the spiritual point of view?

M. Laitman: I gave you a general, global answer to your first question in order for you to understand that Kabbalah does not engage in solving any everyday life problems, since these problems do not have a solution. Whether or not she leaves, she will suffer. It is not a correction of some abnormality or breakage, since it is not a birth of something new and good in place of something old and bad.