Ever Notice . . . ?

Ever notice . . . that in the movies, when someone buys something, they never wait for their change? (George Carlin, in Brain Droppings)

Pickles says to the other man sitting on the bench with him: “You ever notice . . . how everything centers around women? When a man is born people ask, ‘How is the mother?’ When he gets married they say, ‘What a beautiful bride!’ And when he dies they ask, ‘How much did he leave her?’” (Brian Crane, in Pickles comic strip)

Did you ever notice . . . whenever they say there’s a 50/50 chance of something happening in your favor, odds are it won’t? (Art & Chip Sansom, in The Born Loser comic strip)

Ever notice . . . that no matter how many TV channels you switch to, you always get a commercial? (Robert W. Warner, in Reader’s Digest)

Ever notice . . . that if something is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine? (Arthur Bloch, in Murphy’s Law Book 3)

Ever noticed . . . that when someone else blows your horn for you, the music’s sweeter? (Ruth M. Walsh)

Ever notice. . . how much less immoral something seems after we discover how much fun it is? (George E. Scherer)

Ever notice . . . that people know a lot more when you try to tell them something than when you ask them something? (Funny Funny World)

Did you ever notice. . . that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? (Erma Bombeck)

Ever notice . . . that price and worthmean the same thing, but priceless and worthless are opposites? (Jay Trachman, in One to One)

Ever notice. . . that the harder it is to read a menu, the higher the prices on it are? (Executive Speechwriter Newsletter)

Ever notice. . . that when someone asks if you have a minute, he’s really asking for twenty? (Richard A. Moran, in Cancel the Meetings, Keep the Doughnuts)

Ever notice . . . that there are some days when the only thing that comes off on schedule is the button on your shirt? (Los Angeles Times Syndicate)

Ever notice . . . that whatever the person at the next table orders, it always looks better than yours? (Caryl Conner, in The Washingtonian)

Ever notice . . . that a parking meter is the only place where you literally can buy time? (P. Kennedy, in Reader’s Digest)

Have you ever observed. . . that we pay much more attention to a wise passage when it is quoted than when we first read it by the original author? (Country magazine)

Ever notice. . . that a kid who can play for hours in the snow suffers from exposure after five minutes of shoveling? (Doug Larson, United Feature Syndicate)

Ever notice . . . that the world is full of people who go through life running from something that isn’t chasing them? (Sam Ewing)

Ever notice. . . that when people say, “I want to share this with you,” it’s never money? (Hugh Glasgow, in National Enquirer)

Ever notice . . . that if you struggle through rain, snow and sleet to get there, the office will be closed? (Kathy Matthews, in Take a Letter Yourself!)

Teenager: “Have you ever noticed. . . that the things you have to do are boring and stupid, but the things you want to do are fun – mainly because they’re boring and stupid? A hush falls over the crowd.” (Jerry Scott & Jim Borgman, in Zits comic strip)

Ever notice . . . that you spend 18 months trying to get your children to stand up and talk and the next 18 years trying to get them to sit down and listen? (Jim Heffelfinger, in Reader’s Digest)

Have you ever noticed. . . TV shows are getting softer and commercials are getting louder? (Art & Chip Sansom, in The Born Loser comic strip)

Ever notice . . . that the number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action? (Gene Brown, in Danbury, Conn., News-Times)

Ever notice. . . how weekends are like rainbows?They always look great from a distance, but seem to disappear whenever you get up close?(Jay Trachman, in One to One)

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