Essay Comparison: Student Version and Teacher Version

Essay Comparison: Student Version and Teacher Version

Students' Version
Up to Jun 19, the death toll in the powerful magnitude-8 earthquake in Sichuan Province of China has risen to 69,180, 374,008 have been injured and 17,406 others have been missing, according to the Xinhua News Agency.
From this huge earthquake in China, I think it is high time we took natural disasters seriously, not only earthquake, but flood, drought, tropical depression, tsunami, volcanic eruption and so on.
In my opinion, almost all the natural disasters are attributed to man-made calamities. Human beings always put their interests before others, violate the concomitant rules of nature, and even want to stay out of nature. But as we know, all the creatures on earth are equal. If we neglect other creatures in the nature, we must be abandoned by it.
With the global economy growing, the damage caused by natural disasters becomes more and more devastating. For example, the tsunami disaster in Indonesia killed about 273,800 people, more than 6,240 people were lose their homes, and the economies of the areas that once were hit still remain fragile, which was staggering.
Consequently, it is of great significance to alleviate natural disasters. Fortunately, In the long term, we live in the practices of nature，and there are some preventive actions being taken. First of all, we should depend on science and technology to improve the ability of monitor and some early warnings. Secondly, we had better work out a series of effectual and detailed measures to meet an emergency. Furthermore, in connection with different natural disasters, measures vary from people's lives to economic activity. Eventually, the knowledge of disasters precaution should be popularized, and people's ability of predicting disasters should also be improved.
More and more facts proof that environmental deterioration brings severe disasters in our lives, but why the nature gives us such terrible lessons? It is mostly like a kind of punishment for what we have done to it! Therefore, we ought to love nature, and care living creatures, even a blade of grass. The more love we give, the better lives we lead. In a word, what must be must be!
Mike's Revised Version
According to the Xinhua News Agency, as of June 19, the death toll from the powerful magnitude-8 earthquake has risen to 69,180. 374,008 have been reported as injured with a further 17, 406 missing. With news of the huge earthquake in Sichuan very much at the fore, it is high time, in my opinion, that we begin thinking about natural disasters seriously, not only earthquakes, but floods, drought, tropical depression, tsunami, volcanic eruption, and so on.
In my opinion, almost all the natural disasters are attributed to man-made calamities. Human beings always put their interests before others, violate the concomitant rules of nature, and even want to stay out of nature. But as we know, all the creatures on earth are equal. If we neglect Nature, we may find ourselves abandoned by her.
With the global economy growing, the damage caused by natural disaster becomes more and more devastating. For example, the tsunami disaster in Indonesia killed about 273,800 people, with more than 6,240 people losing their homes, while fragile economies within the affected areas are left on the brink of collapse.
Consequently, it is of great significance for all of us to help alleviate natural disasters. Fortunately, in the long term view, there are some preventative actions already being taken. However, we should make more funding available to Science and Technology to improve the ability of monitoring and early warning systems. Moreover, we need to pay more attention to effectual and detailed procedures that can be followed in the event of an emergency.
Natural disasters vary, affecting people’s lives in different ways, according to the specific economic activity in any given world region. Ideally, the popularization of Disaster Precaution should be encouraged, together with vastly improved abilities in the predicting of natural catastrophes.
Increasingly, facts are proving that environmental deterioration often brings about severe disasters that affect many lives. Why does Nature give us such terrible lessons? It is almost like a form of punishment, for what we have done to her! Therefore, we ought to love Nature; we should care for all livingthings – down to the smallest blade of grass. The more Love we give Nature, the better our lives will be as a consequence. To end on a phrase, ‘what goes around comes around’! What exactly ‘comes around’ is, ultimately, the responsibility of us all.