EQ Not IQ: Mastery™ Program - “Peer Observer” Role Overview
The essence of EQ & Mindfulness
Dear Participant and Peer Observer:
There has been a plethora of research that proves that when we are calm, we make better decisions. It would not surprise us to learn that you yourselves have had life experiences where you made an emotional decision that you wished you had not made. Or conversely, someone of influence in your life who made an emotional decision that impacted you poorly that they wished they had not hit the “send” button on.
Thanks to this program, making these decisions when under stress – especially chronic stress – does not have to be a permanent way of life.
Our EQ Not IQ: Mastery™ Program has demonstrated that with new and improved skills, we can in fact manage stress and stay calm when faced with life’s challenges.
In addition, there is also an abundance of research that proves that when we learn how to manage stress, we experience positive physiological changes. Our blood pressure and heart rate is lower, our nervous system is less challenged, and our immune and chromosome systems function better. This phenomenon is a better harbinger of a hale and hearty old age than one filled with chronic stress.
The EQ Not IQ: Mastery™ Program, from its inception, has had the “Peer Observer” element as part of its infrastructure design. Its intention is to support the efforts of the participant as they journey through this 5 ½ month effort to acquire new neural pathways, or as we call them, “Mind Skills™”.
The term Peer Observer needs a little explanation. The Peer part everyone gets. The Observer part is a little more challenging. It does not mean that the Peer Observer has to observe the Participant. If possible, that is optimal. But if a Participant was given the task of taking a Tai Chi class it does not mean the Peer Observer must tail them to the class. Rather, it means the Peer Observer holds the Participant accountable for executing on the task by asking them if they went. So, it is a mixture of actually observing and holding the Participant accountable for completing their IDP assignment.
Gratitude is one of the subsets of EQ & Mindfulness that is often overlooked but not by us. So we want to thank those who will be playing the role of the Peer Observer. It is not a complicated role or even a time demanding role but it is an instrumental in role in helping our participants achieve the maximum potential for the investment being made either by them or by their firm. Periodically as this 5 ½ half month adventure unfolds we will be writing directly to the Peer Observers (and copying the participants of course) thanking you for your interest and support and reminding you that you have a resource in me if you need additional support.
Art DeLorenzo, Managing Partner
The Peer Observer Role in Summary
- ___Watch two short videos whereby the responsibilities are reviewed and where you can see the ideal 15-minute feedback session being demonstrated.
- ___Attend a 30 minute “Peer Observer Training” conference call with your participant where we will practice a simulated feedback session.
- ___Attend a 40 minute “Group Peer Observer Role Review” session with all of the participants and their “Observers” shortly after the launch of the program.
- ___Make a commitment to providing feedback to the EQ Not IQ: Mastery™ Program participant. Ideally this would take 15 minutes every three weeks. You and the participant will have a Time Line where these sessions will be identified.
- ___Your participant will designate you as Observer #1 or Observer #2. Once you receive your designation, use the Time Line to identify when you are “at bat”. The date is always a Friday which means any day & time your participant and you agree upon on or before that Friday is fine.
Peer Observer “Best Practices”
- ___ Prepare for your 15 minutes of feedback ahead of time. Summarize your thoughts and connect each of them to the IDP – Individual Development Plan - so that the participant can see their progress or lack thereof. It is normal for a participant to have a goal that you may not be able to observe. In that light, your role is to act as a resource to the participant by holding them accountable to following through on their IDP.
- It is not uncommon for the participant to experience a road block early on in the program. Your encouragement to them to “stay the course” and use their coaches to help them break through this challenge would be helpful. Coaching calls are rarely more than 2 weeks away.
- Being honest means being direct and clear. The participant will have the best chance of growing and acquiring the aforementioned “Mind Skills™” if you give your feedback the way you see it both when it may be a tough message to deliver and when it is enjoyable to acknowledge positive growth. So, with that being said, your role is really important and the feedback you provide will be collected by the participant and shared at their coaching calls.
- Schedule your feedback sessions at the same time and day and do it now so that all of them are scheduled well in advance. There is more likelihood of them being done and done well if they are in both the participants and the observer’s calendar over the next 5 and ½ months.
Other Pertinent Program Elements
● One question we are regularly asked is how do our coaches prepare the IDP – Individual Development Plan? Just before the participant attends the workshop that launches this 5 ½ month program, they are asked to complete two assessments. One is called an EQi and the second is a set of Quality of Life measurements. The combination of these instruments is what our Ph.D.’s use to craft the IDP.
● Private IDP presentations will be held the week after your Observer Training between the coaches and the participant. Once completed, the participant will make a copy for the observer and explain their IDP.
● During the next 20 weeks there are two scheduled “TEAM Conference Calls” for the participants and these are indicated in purple on the Time Lines. The purpose of these calls is for the participants to share “best practices” with each other and to experience a group dialogue. We believe that by openly sharing their personal journey participants may see an accelerated growth in their EQ skills. See our July 2013 lead article regarding the June 06, 2013 NY Times Congo piece or go to the NY Times directly to read their full story. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/06/health/therapy-for-rape-victims-shows-promise.html?pagewanted=all&module=Search&mabReward=relbias%3As&_r=0
Another NY Times article with similar data is Benefits of Tai Chi or Therapy. http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/11/18/tai-chi-vs-psychotherapy-for-better-sleep-and-more/
● To keep everyone focused on the tasks at hand every Monday a reminder entitled THIS WEEK – NEXT WEEK is emailed to both participants and observers.
● If the participant wishes, we will gladly schedule a private conference call for a participant and their two observers over the next few weeks to answer any questions you may have and to set your specific feedback position.
● The MYT Newsletter will come automatically so that you can read about cutting edge work being done in the fields of EQ and Positive Discipline.
● Please review the sample IDP that starts on Page 7 of this document.
Conference Call Etiquette
▪ A conference call can have more technological challenges than normal calls. So here are a few “telephone etiquette” suggestions to consider and while on the call, if help is needed call 877.482.5838 for the conference call operator.
▪ Do not put your phone on “hold” as the rest us must listen to so called “elevator music” we all would rather miss.
▪ Once you identify yourself and the moderator acknowledges you belong on the call, hit #5 to mute your phone so that background noise can be minimized.
▪ Should you wish to make a comment or answer a question from the moderator simply hit #6 and your voice will be heard.
▪ Use a “land line” so that the rest of the group will have the best phone experience.
▪ Muffling the mouth piece with your hand is not a good strategy in minimizing a “side bar” conversation as we will still hear much of it.
Thank you for considering this responsibility. We are confident that with you helping the participant they will in fact acquire the “Mind Skills ™” we have previously mentioned.
What results can the Participant Expect?
With the active engagement of the peer Observer and the adept planning of the Participant these are the results from past cohorts that can be emulated. They speak for themselves.
▪ Perceived Stress Scale – Stress reduced by 25%
▪ Trait Anger - Anger reduced by 13%
▪ Physical Vitality – Physical health increased 10%
▪ Quality of Life – Increased by 10%
▪ Positive States – Positive experiences increased by 19%
▪ Gross Sales – Saw an increase of 24% per group while matched comparison groups increased their sales by 10%.
Sample Template for Observers to use with Participants
Participant: ______
Observer: ______
Date: Week ending ______
Areas of Opportunity (Found on IDP)
Feedback
Feedback
Feedback
Sample Individualized Development Plan (IDP)
Formulated uniquely for
Ima Sample
Prepared by:
Aneel Chima, Ph.D.
Shani Robins, Ph.D.
Frederic Luskin, Ph.D.
Arthur E. DeLorenzo, Sr. MSFS, MSED
Your Individualized Development Plan (IDP)
Based on your responses to the online questionnaires you completed and our discernment regarding specific patterns within these answers we identified a range of your strengths and areas for growth. This Individualized Development Plan (IDP) represents the distilment of these insights. It outlines a set of focused practices tailored uniquely for you. Its purpose is maximizing the growth of particular skills and competencies. This IDP will be referenced throughout the MYT process; in order to fully benefit please familiarize yourself with it, give a copy to your peer observers, and have it with you during coaching consultations and peer observers sessions.
Your Assessment Profile
EQi Overall: 99
Subscales
Self-Perception: 115
Self-Expression: 91
Interpersonal Composite: 97
Decision Making Composite: 80
Stress Management Composite: 110
Stress: Average
Quality of Life: Good
Anger: Average
Positive States: Good
Physical Vitality: Above Average
Major Focus Elements from the EQ Not IQ: Mastery™ Workshop
Foundational Practices to Reduce Stress and Enhance General EQ
❖ Choose 3 challenging situations per week and do thought records on each. (Refer to the workbook for detailed instructions)
❖ Pay particular attention to identifying automatic thoughts, unearthing cognitive distortions, and weighing evidence for/against the identified automatic thoughts. Develop a more accurate replacement thought.
❖ Carry around the list of cognitive distortions in your pocket, have a copy at your work desk, and one at home. As often as you can, try to catch yourself performing cognitive distortions. When you catch yourself in the act, stop and test the distortion against reality. What is a more accurate way of perceiving the situation?
❖ Practice deep belly breathing and PERT 3 times a day for two minutes each time.
❖ Identify a time at the beginning of your day, during the middle of your day, and at the end of the day where you can practice this daily.
❖ Sit comfortably with your feet on the ground. Imagine your belly is like a balloon that gently inflates with each breath in and slowly deflates with each breath out. Breathe slowly and deeply into your belly with a measured pace.
❖ Add PERT, the active cultivation of positive emotion, to each session.
Ima Sample’s Key Areas of Opportunity
1) Improve your impulse control to be less reactive and knee jerk in your actions.
● Each day in situations where you feel confusion, anger, stress, or frustration STOP and immediately practice PERT.
● When you recognize yourself becoming agitated, breathe deeply and practice PERT to calm down.
● Once calm, develop other possible ways to cope with the situation.
● In as many situations as you are able practice P.E.R.T. for 15 seconds and notice that your body calms down so does your mind.
● In at least one situation each day practice P.E.R.T. for 2 minutes before you respond to someone. Or, when you have to make a significant decision. Or simply ask for help from someone you trust.
● Log these experiences and share them with your coach. This practice will improve your stress tolerance and anger management.
● Notice and dispute episodes of anxiety, agitation, and anger.
● 2-3 times a week do a thought record on an anxiety, agitation, or anger episode you experienced. Rate the intensity of the feelings on a scale of 1 to 100.
● Notice your expectations for the behavior of other people that were not met.
● Review your automatic thoughts, cognitive distortions, and self-talk for each of the episodes. Weight the evidence for and against the automatic thoughts present. Evaluate whether or not the voice in your head was accurate/helpful or simply frustrated/cynical. Generate a more adaptive replacement thought.
● Notice where your self-talk got in your way of either successful decision making, staying calm, or maintaining good relationships.
● Brainstorm options for more skillful self-talk that might minimize your anger and/or help you be more successful
● In a role-play practice the new self-talk with your coach.
● Increase your impulse control by:
● Whenever you find yourself reacting to a situation or person, before you do anything STOP and practice PERT for 2 minutes
● Whenever you find yourself desiring something like food, especially your favorite, most delicious treats, STOP and practice PERT for 2 minutes. Make a practice of “going without” from time-to-time.
● Enroll in a weekly Tai Chi/Yoga/Similar class and practice at home at least one other time per week
2) Enhance your problem-solving abilities.