1. Effective listening is the listening to the words of the speaker and the meaning of the words.
  2. Active listening is a process in which the listener takes active responsibility to understand the content and feeling of what is being said and then checks with the speaker to see if he/she heard what the speaker intended to communicate
  3. Active Listening:
  4. Ask questions, not with yes, no or one word answers.
  5. Use appropriate eye contact.
  6. Nod if understand or ask for clarification.
  7. Don’t cross arms or legs or lean back.
  8. Lean slightly forward.
  9. Facial expressions and tone of voice.
  10. Be honest and sincere.
  11. Open-ended questions
  12. Closed: Are you feeling bad today?
  13. Open: How are you feeling today?
  14. Reflection (paraphrasing)
  15. ELEMENTS OF EFFECTIVE AND ACTIVE LISTENING
  16. Content
  17. Feelings
  18. Process
  19. Clarification
  20. ACTIVE LISTENING KILLS:
  21. Check attitude and atmosphere
  22. Go to an appropriate Environment to talk…Not in the middle of a noisy gym.
  23. Remove All distractions such as the Phone,TV or Radio.
  24. Keep the channel open and avoid short circuits
  25. Let the person finish what she is saying before you begin to talk—do not finish sentences for her.
  26. Do not offer advice unless it is asked for.
  27. Ask questions to the person. This shows that you have been listening and are interested in what is being said.
  28. Ask questions that cannot be answered with one word
  29. Listen with appropriate Body Language—Nods, hand gestures, etc.
  30. Don’t yawn or lean back—act as if you are interested
  31. Be Honest and sincere, but not critical and sarcastic.
  32. Remember, people react to what is said as follows
  33. 55% to Facial Expression
  34. 38% to tone of voice
  35. 7% to words
  36. Sit or stand near the person to whom you are speaking.
  37. Maintain Eye Contact
  38. Give Appropriate Feedback
  39. Reflective Listening
  40. Listening requires response from listener
  41. Keep the door open
  42. Test understanding by:
  43. Parroting
  44. Paraphrasing
  45. Clarifying
  46. Reflective listening is when the listener mirrors back the thoughts and/or feelings the speaker is experiencing.
  47. “Are you saying …”
  48. “You seem …”
  49. If the listener is wrong then the speaker can restate in a different way.
  50. Listening Blocks:
  51. I must defend my position.
  52. I’m looking for an entrance into the conversation.
  53. I don’t have time to listen to you.
  54. I already know what you have to say.
  55. I know what you should do.
  56. ACTIVE LISTENING SKILLS
  57. Ask questions that cannot be answered with yes, no, or one word.
  58. Nod if you understand or ask for clarification if you do not.
  59. Use appropriate eye contact.
  60. Do not cross your arms or legs or lean back. These are all non-verbal turnoffs.
  61. Don't stand or sit too close. This often interprets as a violation of personal space and
  62. makes the other person uncomfortable.
  63. Lean slightly forward when sitting, clasp hands and let them rest in your lap. This
  64. translates as interested.
  65. If standing, face the person and let your arms rest at your side. This translates as
  66. openness.
  67. Touch your face with your hand from time to time. This translates as thoughtful and
  68. contemplative.
  69. Facial expression and tone of voice are very important in communication. IT IS NOT SO
  70. MUCH WHAT YOU SAY AS HOW YOU SAY IT.
  71. Be honest and sincere.
  72. TOP TEN LISTENING SKILLS
  73. STOP TALKING!
  74. You cannot listen if you are talking. Polonious (Hamlet) said, "Give every man thine ear,
  75. but few thy voice."
  76. PUT THE SPEAKER AT EASE.
  77. Help him/her feel that she/he is free to talk. This is often called a permissive
  78. environment.
  79. SHOW THE OTHER PERSON THAT YOU WANT TO LISTEN.
  80. Look and act interested. Do not read your mail while he/she talks. Listen to understand,
  81. rather than reply.
  82. REMOVE DISTRACTIONS.
  83. Don't doodle, tap, or shuffle papers. Will it be quieter if you shut the door?
  84. EMPATHIZE WITH HER/HIM.
  85. Try to put yourself in his/her place to see his/her point of view.
  86. BE PATIENT.
  87. Allow plenty of time. Do not interrupt. Don't start for the door or walk away.
  88. HOLD YOUR TEMPER.
  89. An angry person gets the wrong meaning from words.
  90. GO EASY ON ARGUMENTS AND CRITICISMS.
  91. This puts him/her on the defensive. She/he may clam up or get angry. Do not argue:
  92. even if you win, you lose.
  93. ASK QUESTIONS.
  94. This encourages her/him and helps the conversation develop.
  95. STOP TALKING!
  96. This is first and last, because all listening communication depends upon it. You CANNOT
  97. do a good listening job while you are talking. Nature gave us two ears, but only one
  98. tongue. This is a reminder to listen more and talk less.
  99. EFFECTIVE LISTENING SKILLS
  100. Stop talking and listen.
  101. Help the other person feel free to speak—look like you are
  102. interested in what he has to say.
  103. Go to an appropriate environment to talk—not in the middle of a
  104. noisy gymnasium.
  105. Remove distractions such as the television or radio.
  106. Let the person finish what she is saying before you begin to
  107. talk—do not finish sentences for her.
  108. Do not offer advice unless it is asked for.
  109. Ask questions to the person. This shows that you have been
  110. listening and are interested in what is being said.
  111. Ask questions that cannot be answered with one word.
  112. Listen with appropriate body language—nods, hand gestures, etc.
  113. Do not yawn or lean back—act as if you are interested.
  114. Be honest and sincere, but not critical and sarcastic.
  115. Remember, people react to what is said as follows:
  116. 55% to facial expression
  117. 38% to tone of voice
  118. 7% to words
  119. Sit or stand near the person to whom you are speaking.
  120. Maintain eye contact.
  121. Give appropriate feedback.
  122. SEVEN LEVELS OF LISTENING
  123. Not listening: Not paying attention to or ignoring the other person’s communications.
  124. Pretend listening: Acting like or giving the impression that you are paying attention to another person’s communications, but in actuality not really paying attention to that individual.
  125. Partially listening: Only focusing on part of the other person’s communication or only giving it your divided attention.
  126. Focused listening: Giving the other person your undivided attention to his or her communication.
  127. Interpretive listening: Going beyond just paying attention but really trying to understand what the other person is communicating.
  128. Interactive listening: Being involved in the communications by asking clarifying questions or acknowledging understanding of the communication.
  129. Engaged listening: Being fully engaged in communications involves listening to the other person’s views, feelings, interpretations, values, etc., concerning the communication and sharing yours as well with the other person(s). In engaged listening, both parties are given the opportunity to fully express their views, feelings, and ideas.
  130. From Julian Treasure:
  131. 60% of communicating time is spent listening, yet people only retain 25% of what they hear.
  132. Listening is making meaning from sound. It is a process of extracting information.
  133. We recognize patterns to distinguish noise from signal (or our name)
  134. Differencing is when we listen to the differences and discount sounds that remain the same.
  135. Filters take us from all sound to what we listen to. Most of us don’t realize we have them. Some of these filters are:
  136. Culture
  137. Language
  138. Values
  139. Beliefs
  140. Attitudes
  141. Expectations
  142. Intentions
  143. Sound places us in space and time.
  144. Sonority, the relative loudness of a speech sound, is time and meaning.
  145. We are losing our listening. One reason is that we can record and go back, so listening isn’t as important or doesn’t have as high a premium on it as it would have if we could only have one opportunity to hear what we need to hear.
  146. Another reason is that there is a lot of noise in the world and that makes it tiring to listen.
  147. We can resort to head phones, but that only creates sound bubbles where no one is really listening.
  148. Impatience makes us want our information delivered to us in sound bites.
  149. The art of conversation is being replaced by public broadcasting, i.e. texting, social media, etc.
  150. We are so desensitized that our media has to scream to get our attention with words like: shock, sensation, scandal, revealed, exposed, fury
  151. It is becoming harder to pay attention to the subtle, quiet, and understated.
  152. Listening is our access to understanding.
  153. Conscious listening creates understanding.
  154. We have fighting, war, etc., because we lack listening
  155. 5 exercises to help us listen better:
  156. Silence: for three minutes a day, go where there is as much quietness as possible
  157. Mixer: go to a noisy environment and try to find how many “channels” you can hear in that one setting.
  158. Savoring: listen to mundane (common/boring) sounds. It can be interesting if paying attention. Treasure calls it “the hidden choir”.
  159. Move your listening position. Treasure says this is the most important exercise of the 5. You can move your listening position to what’s appropriate for what you’re listening to. Some of these positions are:
  160. active/passive
  161. reductive/expansive
  162. critical/empathetic
  163. RASA : means Juice or essence. Useful to leaders, teachers, spouses, parents, friends
  164. R = receive: pay attention to the person
  165. A= appreciate: make little noises like mmhmm
  166. S= so: summarize what you heard
  167. A= ask: ask questions afterwards
  168. Listening is a skill that should be taught in schools.