Conflict Resolution Midterm

MIDTERM_DRDAVIS1

EDU 746-D01:

Conflict Resolution Midterm

Deborah Davis

Liberty University

Looking Back

I was born holding up my head and could scoot along the crib within a day. My mother loves to tell the story of me being born with great strength and determination. She tells many stories of my attempts to either get my own way, or to make the way I gave gotten, mine. We did not think or talk much about conflict as an item in my childhood, but it was there. My sister was the congenial child, always neat and tidy and ready for whatever needed her help. I rebelled for the sake of rebelling. Consequently, I received my fair share of spankings and spent a lot of time in my room – where I exercised my own rebellion by reading under my bed when I was supposed to be reflecting on my attitude. In my impetuous youth, I was relieved of my car keys and did many extra chores (Davis, 2014). I remember thinking of our conflicts as power struggles: I do not believe there was any cognizance of a power approach to negotiation (Barsky, 2007). There was definitely a perspective that my parents had all the power and we had none. Barksy (2007) states, “Conflict is pervasive in human interaction; thus, everyone is constantly involved in conflict resolution” (p. 37). In my childhood, my parents’ word was law, and neither dispute nor discussion was tolerated. While I was born Californian, my parents were both Southerners, and from my observations, our home-life was typical of the home-life in the South. “Respect your elders” and “Children should be seen and not heard” were highly enforced elements that did not pass through my generation (Davis, 2014).Consequently, I learned to shift my responses to situation to either ruffle or smooth the feathering needs of those involved to feel a lot of control.

My husband grew up in an abusive household that taught him avoidance and accommodation as protective measures. We discussed this chapter, and he commented that I am “all over that chart” (Barsky, 2007, p. 46). He is right. I shift my style of conflict response to the situation. My innate desire for control has metamorphosed into a sense for problem solving that causes me to inveigle myself into conflict routinely, and for me, to not become involved requires a highly cognitive decision.My training as a Marine has enhanced this quality, as problem-solving in the Corps focuses on competition; Marines are “out to win” (Barsky, 2007, p. 48). Generally speaking, therefore, like most Marines, I go toward chaos rather than away from it (Davis, 2014).

Going Forward

In recent years, however, my perspective has changed. I have made the decision to walk away from conflict more and I hope to continue to do so. Proverbs 20:3 reminds us “It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling” (KJV). I like my quiet life on my hilltop, and find more than enough conflict without seeking any. In my training to be an attorney, I learned a lot about conflict resolution in formal settings. I worked in mediation and arbitration for a period of time, and in family court for a while as well. In these settings, I saw what conflict did to families, especially to children. I formed an opinion that most of the children were coddled and undisciplined because those families feared conflict. I still find that sad.

My personal feeling is that we need conflict to help us grow, and we need the pressures of conflict to aid us in becoming who God wants us to be. Those who avoid conflict, particularly in child-rearing, are doing a disservice to the children of the next generation. While I have always respected my child’s opinions and perspectives, he knew that my decisions would stand, and that my husband, his father, would stand with me on them. I believe that this is the path the Lord wants me to follow as an educator, and as a person. Treat others with respect and kindness, but stand firm on the word of the Lord.

When hired by Shawnee State University, my supervisor advised that I must not strike students, yell in their faces, nor make them do push-ups. While largely in jest, my background as a Marine made the admonition seem reasonable, and I have referred to it in class as an instinctive desire from my training. Hopefully, in my maturity, I have overcome those instincts by and large, but they still sneak up on me on occasion. I believe that my career as an educator, like my life, has few years to go. During these waning years, I want to be a model for my students – a model of continuing education, of Christian charity, and of peace. I try to “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord” (Col3:16, KJV). The older I get, the closer I get to God, because I work at it more. When I was dying, I was very close to God, but when He healed me, I started relying more on me and less on Him. Now, I seek Him first.

Being that as it may, I will stand firm for what I believe is right, and will “ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil” (Proverbs 4:26-27, KJV).

References

Barsky, A. (2007).Conflict resolution for the helping professions.(2nd ed.). Belmont, CA: Thomson Brooks/Cole.

Davis, D. (2014), Group Discussion Board Post 2, Personal Reflection on CR, EDUC746-D01-LUO-Fall 2014, dated October 26, 2014.