Cathy Quinn, Ph

CATHY QUINN, PH.D.

Licensed Clinical Psychologist PSY9323

10350 Santa Monica Boulevard, #300

Los Angeles, CA 90025

310 551 1510

ANGER MANAGEMENT

Understanding the Problem

Anger—An Important Survival Signal

Anger is a normal, necessary, protective human emotion, originating in the flight/fight response, useful for survival. It signals a need to focus attention and protect or defend ourselves or loved ones from attack of some kind—physical or emotional. It is not a bad emotion, and people are not bad or abnormal to feel and express anger. However, inappropriate (distorted perception about attack) or excessive (out of proportion to the degree of threat) or too frequent anger is a problem.

Risk Factors

Angry people:

Bear greater risk for serious illnesses

Engage in high risk behaviors like excessive alcohol use, smoking, overeating, fighting

Drive others away, reducing the beneficial effects of social support.

Hostility

Angry feelings directed at others involve:

Cynicism, mistrust of others’ motives

Expectations of bad behavior from others.

Aggression

Angry behavior toward others is:

Driven by beliefs about their motives to hurt us

Spurred by a desire to punish them.

Hostility Syndrome

A cluster of symptoms characterized by:

High levels of anger and aggression

High levels of risky behavior (eating, drinking, smoking, fighting)

High sympathetic nervous system response (wear/tear and often high cholesterol levels)

Low parasympathetic nervous system response (inability to calm oneself)

Low levels of serotonin (depression)

Lower chances for survival.

Origins of Excessive Anger

*Early experiences of neglect, over-control, abuse, lack of nurturance, unpredictably hostile caretakers

Genetic endowment of greater emotional reactivity

One or both of the above result in difficulty managing feelings**. (It makes sense that a child born more emotionally reactive—fussier, difficult to soothe—will encounter a suboptimal response from parents, hence both causes may be in play.)

Solutions

Hostility Log

Keep a written record for a week of angry incidents:

Date and time

What happened

Your thoughts, feelings, actions

How important was the incident to your life.

Hostility Analysis

Ask these questions:

Is this important?

Am I justified in my anger?

Do I have an effective response?

“No” answers mean you need to pay attention to your anger.

Effective Responses to Anger

Instead of fuming, an effective response is aimed at solving the problem, hence reducing anger and increasing empowerment (A lot of anger is driven by disempowerment.) Some examples of effective responses are writing to a government representative about seemingly unfair laws, making a suggestion at the supermarket about observance of 10-item rule, etc. Even if requests are not honored, simply acknowledging and expressing the feeling will help because being voiceless drives frustration and anger.

When the cause of anger is unimportant, the anger is unjustifiable, and there is no need for an effective response, engage in one or a combination of the following:

Life Analysis

Is life satisfying in these realms: Relationships, work, physical care, relaxation/enjoyment, and spirituality? Instead, is it a relentless quest to achieve, consume, compete—ultimately leaving one dissatisfied, anxious, empty, angry?

If yes, what is necessary to change life’s course?

Deflect Anger

Thought stopping

Distraction

Meditation

Avoidance of overstimulation

Improve Relationships

Have pets or care for others’ pets

Develop trust—have relationships with trustworthy people and communicate about problems

Engage in community

Work on developing empathy and tolerance

Practice forgiveness

Have a confidant

Improve Health:

Use relaxation exercises

Meditate

Exercise

Avoid sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and fats in your diet.

Adopt Positive Attitudes

Develop your humor

Participate in organized religion or private sprituality

Practice gratitude

Pretend today is your last.

*Negative Early Experiences

Chronic anger can be considered a secondary emotion, a more bearable feeling than the primary emotion, which is likely to be anxiety over unlovability, loss, or shame, which originated in early, “insecure attachments” to our caretakers. We can quite efficiently and habitually convert to anger, and protect ourselves from the original, unbearable feeling.

Given this probability, the solution at the deeper level is developing today “secure attachments,” those that involve dependable, comforting, and nurturing partners, family, and friends, wherever possible. The “attachment” terminology arises from the very compelling theories proposed by John Bowlby about bonds between children and parents.

Current proponents of adult attachment needs are Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Alan Schore.

**Thoughts on Managing Feelings

It can help to think of thoughts and feelings as mental activity, not who we are. If we can see ourselves distinct from the mental activity—maybe observing the stream of thoughts and feelings from a distance—then we can calm ourselves by focusing on other aspects of our selves, such as using breathing to connect with a quiet place inside. Mindful meditation makes use of this kind of exercise. It has been found to be very helpful in feeling management.