Katie Aufenthie

Katie Aufenthie

Phil-3900

Essay Paper #1

16 June 2015

Finding Wealth in Friendships

Humans want to be happy. It is in our nature to chase and create what we think will make us happy. But do we always succeed? Psychiatrist Abraham Maslow found that humans need more than just food, water, and physical security to be happy. Epicurus made a very simple formula for a happy life; live simply, eat with friends, and practice an analyzed life. While many ancient and modern philosophers have pondered on what it is that makes us happy, Aristotle writes that true and virtuous friendships not only make us happy, but also more self aware, morally noble, and at the end of the day, truly rich.

Humans are social creatures and must foster relationships in order to enjoy our lives. Relationships enrich our experiences and give us the affirmation that we are people worth knowing and loving. Healthy friendships also give us colorful memories to remember and build upon. The writings of ancient authors coincide with some modern films today that show us that relationships may do more than just pass the time or make us laugh. Relationships show us who we are and give sight to the blind spots we may have from looking from the inside. To quote Leonard in “Memento,” “We all need mirrors to remind ourselves of who we are.”

Leonard, however, did not have these kinds of true and grounding relationships after the incident. He was unable to create many of these relationships because he could remember no one. He trusted no one and therefore had no one to bring him down to reality. Instead, he fell victim to his own emotional lies and had ground in nothing. I believe his greatest problem was less in memory and more in lack of friendships created because of the lack of memory. He had no one to trust but himself. We can never trust only ourselves because we will always be subjected to our own perspective and bias that taints reality and our own perception of ourselves.

If we live only in our own mind, it is natural for us to create an ultra-reality that may be false. We create this world and lies to accompany it to secure happiness, even if that happiness is false. Relationships give us a world outside of our own mind. Our friends, if true ones, force us to deal with our surroundings honestly and give us feedback and offer a hand to help. Friends help us to deal with ourselves honestly and keep us accountable for our own self-care and actions.

However, not all relationships are pure ones. Some are symbiotic relationships with mutual benefits to both sides. These relationships are necessary for work and other environments, but cannot be the only type of relationships we foster. Relationships built off of favors crumble when the favor can no longer be given or is no longer needed. Motivations are also not always clear when someone is pursuing a relationship just for the external benefits. Diana from “The Network” seemed to only be capable of keeping these kinds of relationships, as she made herself vulnerable and honest to no one. She talked ceaselessly about work and became emotionally involved with a married man not for love, but for interest in the work environment. The relationship dissolved when the fun ended and there was nothing substantial that Diana had offered to keep the relationship from dying. Diana spent all of her energy on work and when the end of the day came, she was left with no one.

Harry from “Burn After Reading” also seemed to only foster relationships that brought pleasure rather than honesty. Harry was charming and skilled with women, and he seemed to find fleeting fulfillment in juggling one woman after the next. But because he was dishonest, no one knew the real Harry and Harry was in truth left alone. So caught up in his affairs, Harry was oblivious to the fact that his marriage was failing and his own wife was having an affair. This life of dates and casual sex turned out to be a life of paranoia and true loneliness. If he had had a friend by his side, he may not have been allowed to lie to himself for so long. He also may not have had the need to lie to himself in order to create what he thought would make him happy.

Virtuous friendships, on the other hand, outweigh the riches that a booming career could bring. Aristotle was aware of the difference between these two friendships many years ago. Virtuous friendships happen when people show themselves to another, with no intention to judge or abuse. When you have a true friendship, someone else is able to love you for who you are, not what you can do, and this includes the fallacies of every person.

Andy from “The Devil Wears Prada” was rich in true friendships before she started working for Miranda. At the beginning of the film, the friends cheer to good times and jobs that just “pay the rent.” Their jobs were secondary and they made each other number one. They were happy even though they didn’t have a lot of money. However, when Andy began to change, her true friendships did too. Her friends noticed that she was putting them on the back burner and her relationship with her boyfriend was suffering as well. Her friend of 16 years did not hesitate to remind Andy of who she was before she let the magazine industry change her. This is a great service that only true friends can provide; the mirror in which to see ourselves. Andy was too caught up in her job to see that the things that really mattered were changing, but her friend was able to point it out to her.

It is also important to note that true friends are forgiving. People change and falter, but a friendship that has grown over years should be able to withstand some of that. Andy went back to her boyfriend and friend to apologize, and he was able to forgive her. He knew that there still remained a true and honest person under all of the fashionable clothes and because he was able to wait and forgive her, both were able to regain the relationship in the end.

Friends also help us to live more virtuously. If we are fostering relationships that include trust, respect, and unconditional love, we in turn become a more compassionate and morally noble person. We help our friends and ask for nothing in return. In return, we receive help and more unconditional love. Friends also help us to remind us of who we are and what is of true importance to us, keeping us grounded and free from reckless self-deception (Aristotle Nic. Ethics Book VIII).

In conclusion I believe it is true friendship that makes us rich. Aristotle said this years ago when he questioned us to create a purpose for our prosperity without friends. When someone is selfish and greedy with their prosperity and wealth, they lose sight of what is naturally meant to make us happy: each other. Money and objects will never be able to give back, therefore we do not use the term “love” to describe the relationship. But people however, can provide a great service to us that can never be bought (Aristotle Nic. Ethics Book VIII). Through each other we become stronger, have more help, and know ourselves in a way that can be analyzed and create a truly happy life.

Aristotle. Nicomachean Ethics Book VIII. 350 B. C. E.