1
Centenary of Federation Play Kit
Starter script
HistorySmiths Pty Ltd
A Centenary of Federation History and Education Project
1999
Cast of Characters
The Chorus, group of Australians who narrate, sing the national anthem and backup vocals when required and enact events described by The Witnesses (see below).
Court Clerkof the Intergalactic Court of Appeal (ICA).
The Judges, who preside on the ICA bench:
Six ‘out of this world’ (alien) judges:
Judge 1, Judge Whatsup Watchit
Judge 2, Judge Vilmot Sventufoure
Judge 3, Judge Maugro Disnasterly,the ‘nasty’, impatient Judge
Judge 4, Judge Augerly Antabergruntly Forge
Judge 5, Judge Phssszzz
Judge 6, Judge Histeremion Natur Ally Gorgeous, the wistful Judge
Australian Judge, the representative of Planet Earth on the ICA bench.
Smithy (Sir Charles Kingsford Smith), aviator and time-traveller.
Information Officer (IO), alien life form in charge of Super Speed Information Transfer to Smithy.
Ginger, an Australian primary-school-aged child, adventurous spirit, confident, best friend of Felix.
Felix, another Australian primary-school-aged child, best friend of Ginger, slightly bookish, cautious, but very knowledgeable about Australian history.
The Witnesses:
Six prominent Australians chosen from the 100 years of Australia’s history since Federation. Each is a representative from the six major themes as set out in the representatives’ charts.
1. [Name], [occupation], representing ‘Advance Australia’.
2. [Name], [occupation], representing ‘Australians All’.
3. [Name], [occupation], representing ‘Girt by Sea’.
4. [Name], [occupation], representing ‘Golden Soil, Wealth for Toil’.
5. [Name], [occupation], representing ‘Nature’s Gifts’.
6. [Name], [occupation], representing ‘Young and Free’.
Other characters:
Characters as required in scenes 3, 4 and 5.
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Act I, Prologue
The scene
The year is 2038. Over the last ten years, the population of the Universe has grown so huge that the space-time continuum is now desperately overcrowded. To try to find a solution, representatives from all known, inhabited planets of the Universe have attended a meeting on the centrally located Lymmorxia Six. The Intergalactic Council Controlling Universal Population (or ICCUP for short) has devised a plan. ICCUP’s plan is to RECYCLE some countries from every planet in the Universe. Countries are chosen at random and have the right to appeal against being recycled. If a country can prove it has anything to be really proud of, it is allowed to stay in the space-time continuum.
A synthesizer plays ‘space music’ while the chorus gives the following speech.
The combined voices of the Chorus echo through the audience.
The lines should not be rushed. (The year 2038 is pronounced ‘twenty-thirty-eight’. ICCUP is pronounced as one word, ‘ik-up’, not spelled out, ‘i, double c, u, p’.)
Chorus:
The year is twenty-thirty-eight, the situation bleak,
A Universal crisis looms—we may not last the week!
On every single planet where there’s life—the picture’s poor
The natural ecosystems now are failing by the score!!
The Universe has grown TOO FULL, resources have run out—
Our only hope: to meet, and form a plan that has some clout!!!
Upon a central planet (with the name Lymmorxia Six)
The planets’ representatives came up with this ‘quick fix’.
The council, known as ICCUP, will choose countries randomly
And wipe them out, recycling them, so others can live free.
Each country to be doomed will have the right to an appeal—
They must research their history to find some pride that’s real.
A country that can make a case of reasons to be proud
Will be reprieved from being axed, its right to live avowed.
But should a country fail to prove a reason to be proud,
ICCUP exterminates it in a protoplasmic cloud.
Today a country fights to live! Can this one prove its worth?
Now join the court for ICCUP v. Australia, Planet Earth.
Scene 1
Place: the Intergalactic Court of Appeal.
Time: the year 2038.
The Court Clerk and Smithy are on stage. The members of the Chorus file in and sit down to observe the case.
Court Clerk: All rise.
Chorus members make sounds of shuffling feet and shifting chairs. The ‘full bench’ of seven intergalactic judges (six from alien planets and one from Australia, Planet Earth) enter and take their seats on ‘the bench’.
Court Clerk: On this twenty-fourth day of January twenty-thirty-eight, the Intergalactic Court of Appeal is now in session. Please be seated.
Chorus makes sounds of shuffling feet and shifting chairs, perhaps some coughing and clearing of throats.
Court Clerk: This is case number 20-38Alpha4-2-5-7Beta3 in the matter of ICCUP (The Intergalactic Council Controlling Universal Population) versus Australia, Planet Earth.
Judge 6: Which planet is it?
Australian Judge: Planet Earth.
Court Clerk: The issue before us today concerns an APPEAL on behalf of Australia against ICCUP’s decision to EXTERMINATE and RECYCLE that country.
Judge 4: Planet Earth? Which one is that, exactly?
Australian Judge: You know the Milky Way?
Judge 4: Yes.
Australian Judge: Well, in the Orion arm of the Milky Way galaxy, there’s a very nice little solar system with nine planets; and the blue planet… third from the centre… is Earth.
Court Clerk: ICCUP’s accusation is that since Australia became a federated nation it has done NOTHING of which it can be proud, and can therefore be DELETED from the space-time continuum. Appearing for Australia is Sir Charles Edward Kingsford Smith.
Judge 1: What have you got to say on behalf of Australia, Smithy?
Smithy: I … uh … muh … My mind’s a blank. I got here so suddenly. I don’t even know what I’m doing here. One minute it was 1935, I was flying over the Bay of Bengal and then … phhhhhht! … I’m here—(Looking around the courtroom)wherever ‘here’ is—and you tell me it’s the year twenty-thirty-eight! I’m terribly confused.
Judge 2: Didn’t you get your information pack?
Smithy: (Holding up a file containing a pile of papers.)Do you mean this? Someone just pushed it into my hands and told me to ‘REMEMBER’ hard. Then they put a strange-looking cap on my head, and thousands of pictures I’d never seen before ran through my brain.
Judge 1: Yes, well, THAT was your crash course in Australian history in the 103 years since you… (Judge 1 suddenly gasps and jumps as Judge 2 elbows Judge 1 in the ribs)
Judge 2: (Whispering in Judge 1’s ear so Smithy does not hear.) You’ll FREAK HIM OUT if you tell him he DIED 103 years ago!
Judge 1: (Nods and then continues speaking.)… ah … since you were … (finding the right words)last on Earth. (Turns to Judge 2 and smiles. Judge 2 smiles back approvingly.)
Judge 2: That’s right! We gave you the facts and brought you here to RESCUE Australia. Now what have you got to say on behalf of that nation? What has Australia got to be proud of?
Smithy: I … I … I can’t think. You haven’t given me time to prepare.
Judge 3:Hurry up man, time is running out.
Judge 4: I don’t think he can remember anything. I think we’d better load him up again!
Judge 3: All right, but make it fast. BRING IN THE INFORMATION OFFICER!
Enter Information Officer (IO) carrying Super Speed Information Transfer (SSIT) Cap.
IO:(Places and holds the SSIT Cap on Smithy’s head.) Ready for Super Speed Information Transfer… (Removes hands from the SSIT Cap and stands back.)CLEAR… (brief pause) Commence!
Smithy shakes violently in his seat and his eyes spin round and round as the events of one hundred years of Australian history race through his head. IO looks at his watch and counts 10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…
IO: Super Speed Information Transfer is now complete. (IO takes off cap and exits.)
Smithy: Er, er … um, ah (Desperately shuffles the papers in his information pack. Starts reading from the first his eyes can focus on. Smithy begins to recite the lyrics, a little uncertainly at first but getting more confident as he goes along.) Chorus from their seats, not facing the audience, begin to sing the National Anthem softly in the background, then get louder and louder.
Australians all let us rejoice
For we are young and free
With golden soil and wealth for toil
Our home is girt by sea
Our land abounds in Nature’s gifts
Of beauty rich and rare
In history’s page let every stage
Advance Australia fair
Judge 5: Hold it! Hang on a minute. What does all that mean? That’s a SONG, not a CASE. ‘Australians all’? Who do you mean by that?
Judge 6: And what do you mean, ‘young and free’. How does that work, when Australia is clearly many millions of years old?
Judge 4: You mentioned ‘golden soil’… now that REALLY puzzles me because anyone who has orbited your planet Earth will tell you that much of Australia’s soil is red! And what does ‘wealth for toil’ actually mean?
Judge 1: I want to see evidence of some of these ‘things’ you call ‘Nature’s gifts’. If Nature has GIVEN them to you, then how can YOU be proud of them?
Smithy: Well, you see it’s …
Judge 2: And just who, exactly, has ‘Advanced Australia’? Who?
Smithy: Well, there’s…
Judge 4: Look, Smithy, we’ve all reviewed your information pack. YOUR job is to tell US what’s SO IMPORTANT about Australia that it DESERVES to remain in the space-time continuum.
Smithy: I need an adjournment.
The Judges let out a loud, collective judicial groan.
Smithy:I’m sorry, but I need time to collect evidence, summon witnesses! I have had no time to put a case together. Give me an adjournment and I PROMISE I will prepare a good case for the Defence.
All seven Judges put their heads together and have a private discussion. Judge 3 doesn’t want to give Smithy any more time, but the Australian Judge argues that they MUST grant an adjournment. The other Judges join in the haggling as to HOW MUCH time to give Smithy. Judges 1– 5 all stop and look at the Australian Judge.
Australian Judge: You are a Frequent Flyer, Sir Charles?
Smithy: Ah … yes. I do fly … (pause)frequently.
The Judges resume their discussion. Smithy has obviously earned enough Frequent Flyer points to be given a time-travel package in order to collect witnesses to give evidence to support Australia’s appeal.
Australian Judge: It is clear that, in order to prepare your case, you will need to travel back in time.
Judge 1: You must find some examples of WHAT Australia has to be PROUD of…
Australian Judge: …narrow your search to the period of 100 years after Australia became a federated nation.
Judge 2: Use your information pack to choose the examples.
Australian Judge: You will be allowed to bring back witnesses to give evidence in this case. The Court has decided to award you a Frequent Flyer Time-Travel package with a total of seven stopovers.
Judge 3: You can have no more than seven stopovers because we cannot be adjourned forever.
Australian Judge: After your seventh stopover you must return to this court and present your case. If you fail to meet that deadline you will leave us with no choice but to DELETE Australia from the space-time continuum and RECYCLE it for resources. It will have no past, and therefore no future! Do you understand all that Smithy?
Smithy: Yes, Your Worships! (To the Australian Judge) I won’t let you down. (To the audience) I must rescue Australia from EXTERMINATION!
Australian Judge: I hope you do!
Judge 1: This court is adjourned until tomorrow morning, at the rise of the third sun. (Bangs gavel on desk.)
Court Clerk: All rise.
All the Judges stand and exit stage left. Smithy flings his flying scarf over his shoulder dramatically, pulls his flying goggles over his eyes and exits in a rush stage right. BLACKOUT.
Scene change
Chorus:
The desperation of the case spurred Smithy on to dare
To fly through time—without a clue—but with a courage rare!
With his Southern Cross-turned-time machine, in SECONDS Smith could reach
Past DECADES—and he soon splashed down on this Australian beach.
Scene 2
Place: a beach anywhere on the Australian coast, except Bondi.
Time: the present.
Offstage, or acting as a ‘living ocean’, the Chorus hums Advance Australia Fair. One at a time, they start chanting: ‘The roar of the surf, the roar of the surf, the roar of the surf, Crassshhhh’. Repeat until all members of the Chorus are chanting, then fade.
Enter Ginger stage left, carrying a towel and a boogie board. Walks to downstage centre, places board down but still upright. Looks off to stage right. Sighs, then looks impatiently stage left.
Ginger: Come on, Felix! The water looks great.
Enter Felix (awkwardly) carrying towel, boogie board, bucket, spade, beach umbrella, sun cream, sun hat, and wearing goggles, snorkel, flippers.
Felix: I’m going as fast as I can!(Clomps to downstage centre where Ginger (now with back to audience and looking skywards) has been distracted by the sound of an aeroplane with engine trouble.)
Noises off: Sound of prop aeroplane engine, as if it is stopping and starting. Use sound effects or Chorus voices.
Felix turns back to audience too and follows Ginger’s gaze. Both look ‘skyward’ and follow ‘aeroplane’ across the ‘sky’ from stage left to offstage right, where plane ‘crashes into sea’.
Felix and Ginger drop all their gear in a big pile, and rush off stage right. Return pulling end of Southern Cross on to stage (upstage right). Smithy is ‘seated’ in Southern Cross covered in seaweed and assorted sea creatures.
Smithy:(Coughing and spluttering)Oh! I say! That was a bit rough! Lucky I hit the water! Oh! What’s that?(Dives down under the cockpit-seat and comes up struggling with gummy shark.)Non-paying passenger! Back into the ocean with you!(Throws shark offstage right.)
Ginger and Felix (puffing from the exertion involved in pulling the Southern Cross from the ocean) move down-stage centre (back towards their pile of gear) watching Smithy suspiciously as they go. Smithy gets out of the plane still pulling bits of seaweed and fish from his clothing. He sees Ginger and Felix.
Smithy:Ah! At last! Thank goodness I’ve found you! (Smithy walks towards Ginger and Felix.)
Ginger and Felix take a couple of steps back, but are blocked by their pile of gear.
Smithy:(Still holding out his hand.) Smithy’s the name—Charles Kingsford Smith. I say, you’re awfully young for Bondi Surf Lifesavers! Never mind, I’m glad you’re here. We should get going immediately. There’s no time to lose!
(Ginger and Felix look at each other, then turn to run off stage left. Smithy calls after them.)Hey! Where do you think you are going? That’s no way for Bondi Surf Lifesavers to act! You’re supposed to be courageous!
Ginger and Felix stop their retreat and face Smithy, Felix hiding slightly behind Ginger.
Ginger: We’re NOT Surf Lifesavers…
Felix: …and this ISN’T Bondi.
Smithy: Isn’t it?
Ginger and Felix say the following at exactly the same time:
Ginger: NO!
Felix: NO!
Smithy: Blast! I WAS trying to get to the Bondi Surf Bathers Life Saving Club. I need them to help with a RESCUE. (Pauses as if remembering)They rescued me from the surf, you know, when I was about your age. The Bondi Surf Bathers Life Saving Club was the first one of its kind in the world. Formed in nineteen hundred and six. Lucky for me, eh? (Pauses again to return to his previous thought)But you’re NOT lifesavers, you say?
Ginger and Felix shake their heads vigorously.
Ginger:(With energy.)No! We’re not lifesavers, this is not nineteen hundred and six, and you’re NOWHERE NEAR Bondi!
Smithy: Double blast! This time travel business is harder than I thought. What year is it?
Felix: The year 2000*.(*Or replace ‘2000’ with whichever is the present yeare.g. ‘The year 2001’.)
Smithy: Oh, I see. Dear me! One stopover used up. You two will have to return with me. I can’t waste a stopover. Come on! (Smithy moves towards his plane.)
Felix: Return where?
Smithy: Long story. I’ll tell you on the way, but come on! Australia’s future is at stake and there’s no time to lose! (Exit stage right to go to the plane to remove seaweed etc., getting ready for take-off.)
Ginger: Is this guy crazy? Does he SERIOUSLY think we are going anywhere with him in that HEAP-of-a plane?
Felix: Ginger! That ‘HEAP’ is the SOUTHERN CROSS.
Ginger: So?
Felix: So! It’s Australia’s most famous three-engined Fokker!
Ginger: (Raising an eyebrow)So?
Felix: So! It carried Smithy—(pauses to explain) Sir Charles Kingsford Smith—along with Charles Ulm and two American crewmen in the FIRST flight EVER across the Pacific Ocean!