The seventh chapter of Pope Francis book The Joy of Love is indeed a joy to read in itself. It is dedicated to the Better Education of Children and it includes many insightful, reassuring and practical thoughts on how to make this happen.
For example Pope Francis begins by encouragingly saying that
“No family drops from Heaven perfectly formed”.
What a relief!
He likens child rearing to people going on a journey,
Successful journeysneed preparation and plenty of prior discussion.
They need to anticipateproblems without being put off the journey.
They need to be resolute - yet flexible enough to alter course if necessary
And journeys need to be enjoyed and the experience celebrated.
And so in this Chapter, Pope Francis gives us wise and loving advice as to why and howwe should make this journey to a place where a Better Education of Children exists for all.
He begins by reminding us of
- The importance ofthe family - particularly as the first teachers of children in terms of their moral foundation and their faith.
and to the surprise of many, adding
- The need for children to receive authentic sex education within the school setting.
As the first teachers of their children he believes parents need to be vigilant without being obsessive. Developing their morals without controlling their every action - for where is the Freedom or Love in that?
Wisely he writes “by demanding too much, we gain nothing”
By cultivating the right values withinthe home rather than forever monitoring theirchildren’s movements outside of it, we can create ‘a Godenlightened space’.
Real freedom and autonomy for the developing child comes from a genuine self-discipline based on their natural inclination to goodness and by fostering good habits.
Such is the positive message Pope Francis wants us to hear. He writesexpansively and generously about children, believing fully in their capacity for goodness yet knowing too that without guidance their steps might falter.
He says more time and attention should be channelled into developing loving relationships and filling young minds with good thoughts and positive responses rather than hygiene concerns, feeding and dressing rituals.
The other day I thought I saw a cameo of what perhaps Pope Francis meant.
A Mother (with a child and a baby)was shouting a range of expletives at the child for putting back into the mouth of his crying sibling a dummy which had fallen on the floor. One could perhaps see that if this pattern of behaviour was repeated often enough the child would end up learning that physical dirt was the true danger.
Schools and the Family working together provide what Pope Francis refers to as “Education into Meaning”.
They are places where our children can recognise that the wider world and society arealso our home: Education should train us to live together in harmony beyond our family, in this greater home.
In the family we learn closeness, care and respect for others. This helps us to realise that we are not the centre of the world but that we live with and alongside others, who are also worthy of our concern, our kindness and affection.
The home should be the first school of tenderness,of humanity.It is within the home that we learn reconciliation, where we are free and safe to say we are sorry.From this experience we can then reach out to forgive others
“I give thanks” Pope Francis writes “that many families, who are far from considering themselves to be perfect, live in love ,fulfil their calling and keep moving forward, even if they fall many times along the way”
It is within the home too where childrenshould be given the opportunities to learn about their faith – from being taken to Mass on Sundays, sharing the practice of prayer, the saying of grace. By so doing parents are passing on more than historical religious traditions: they are also encouraging an awareness of our interconnectedness, a warm and thankful heart and a generous outward looking mind.
And wonderfully it matters seemingly little to Pope Francis how we go about this-to quote,he says “Older resources and recipes do not always work”.
And as our precious children grow up Pope Francis extols us to provide positive and authentic sex educationand not just within the home.In contrast topast approacheshe says a resounding Yes to sex education in schools.
And about time too some of you may be thinking. No doubt a sizeable number of the congregation, myself included, received very little if any formal or indeed helpful sex education.
Nowadays good sex education programmes abound in all schools. More often than not, they concentrate on teaching the topic within the context of a loving working relationship: Howeverin our Catholic schools they ensure the context ismarriage and the emphasis is on a life long and mutually self- giving relationship.
Similarly although all schools are strong on the biological facts someare decidedly weaker on dealing with the emotional side – the joy of falling in love, the deep pleasure of total commitment, the pain of rejection, the agony of betrayal.
In other words they fall short of the mark of a Catholic Christian understanding of sex. Pope Francisis aware of and sensitive to the difference. He warns us that theaccepted values of today are often no longer the values of our faith. We live, he says, in a culture which, more often than not, commodifies and cheapens sexual expression -the body is too often seen simply as an object to be used.A culture where so much is disposable, including relationships. Where pressures are put on couplesto wait until they are materially comfortable, developed their careers, travelled the world - anything other than to start a family.Where the term‘safe sex’encourages the wholly wrong and negative idea that a resulting child is actually the enemy.
Because of this Pope Francis wants children to understand sex within the broader framework of an Education for Love. He asks parents to find out whether this approach is being taken in their children’s schools and if not, to be courageous enough to challenge the school. And by so doing ensure a Better Education for All Our Children.
Maureen Todd
5/6th November 2016
(abridged version)