FROM THE VICAR’S DESK (M. C. Gillette)

We lived on Oak Street in Oneonta New York, so I must have been in third or fourth grade. (Having moved every year or two while growing up, this is how I try to keep the timeline of my life intact in my head.) In my room, I had a chalkboard easel and a big box of multi-colored chalk. (I had a red-and-yellow plastic record player too, on which I endlessly played Puff, The Magic Dragon; but that is fodder for another post.)

Anyway, one day I came home from school and discovered – to my lasting shock and astonishment – that my mother had drawn a fabulous scene of a covered bridge surrounded by New England autumn foliage. (No, that’s not it in the picture above. But in my memory, it was very much like what’s pictured, except the bridge was extended to the left.)

I was shocked and astonished for two reasons. First, it had never, ever, occurred to me that my mother could draw. (I’m frankly not sure she ever drew anything again.) Second, it had never, ever, occurred to me that my mother could sit long enough, distracted from her endless tasks and chores, to do something which could possibly be described as a product of ‘leisure’ time.

But that’s kind of the way things go, isn’t it? Each and every one of us has some hidden gift or talent. Sometimes even we don’t know it’s there, lying latent, waiting to be discovered. Sometimes we are very well aware of its presence, or at least pretty sure we could do ‘that’ (whatever it is) if only we had the opportunity or the courage to give ourselves a chance. And one way or the other, all too often we allow the cares and concerns of the world – as artificial and contrived as they tend to be – to overwhelm us. We tell ourselves we are too busy to take that pottery class or those singing lessons or that calligraphy workshop or even that visual-programming-language coding course. Of course, there are times when we are too busy; but if we are honest with ourselves, these times are rare. More typically, we are sucked in by the Siren song of a commercial culture which simultaneously provides mediocrity and conformity while promoting competition and consumption.

That this happens to us does not make us bad people. Jesus himself told us there would be many false prophets and misleading omens and efforts to lead ‘even the righteous’ astray. But it does make us less fulfilled people, deprived of opportunities to wonder, delight, and flourish. And while playing Words With Friends or posting clever memes to our Facebook pages can be fun, I’m not sure these occupations make the best possible use of our God-given imagination and creative power.

We are on the cusp of a new year. This is as good a time as any to resolve to try something new, accept a self-development challenge, discover a new talent or liberate one that has been dormant way too long. So get into vermiculture, or paper-making, or ornithology, or the trombone, or whatever it is that you’ve long harbored a secret desire to try. You might surprise yourself by discovering you have a wonderful, previously unknown, gift. You might even surprise us. About the only one who won’t be surprised is the God who gave it to you to find – and use. Image:Accessed at

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HERE AND THERE (M. C. Gillette)

In this on-going article, we pull things from our various Diocesan calendars and church websites so see what’s going on around us. For more information about what's happening at the Diocesan Headquarters and the Cathedral of Saint James, you can always visit their websites: or

For a direct link to Diocesan and Cathedral events calendar, go to:

There Is Only Lamentation: Bishop Lee on Ferguson

November 26, 2014 (Written prior to news of Eric Garner, Joseph Weekly and other high-profile cases)

Dear Sisters and Brothers in Christ:

For many people there seems to be little justice and no peace in the decision of a St. Louis County grand jury not to indict Darren Wilson for the killing of Michael Brown. There is only lamentation.

We don’t do lament very well in our society, but I believe that is what is called for now.I can’t get the picture of Michael Brown’s father at his son’s funeral out of my mind. The agony of a parent’s grief crosses all barriers of race and class.

Bishop Wayne Smith of Missouri and others have reminded me that systems of privilege thrive on racism and fear, and they can strip away our recognition of each other’s humanity. In Ferguson and too often everywhere else, young black men are perceived only as threats, not as human beings made in the image of God.

But I believe Jesus came so that all of us would have our humanity, in all of its fullness and beauty, revealed and honored.

In our baptismal covenant, we pledge to respect the dignity of every human being. Among other things, this means that those with power must learn to share it and even give it away. We must work together to dismantle structures and systems that favor white people over all others, that give automatic privileges to one class over any other, that keep any group of people from realizing their full freedom and potential as children of God. Jesus loves all of us, equally and without reserve. We are called to put that love into practice. We are called to be agents of God’s justice, healing, and mercy.

Let us commit to pray, listen, learn, and act for a world surely more like the one God wants to see.

Faithfully,

The Rt. Rev. Jeffrey D. Lee, Bishop of Chicago

Resources: Our diocese’s Anti-Racism Commission offers workshops on critical cultural competency and organizing for anti-racism. Earlier this year, Janee Woods, a former attorney who works with communities on racial equity and community engagement, wrote a blog post about how to be a white ally to black people in the wake of Michael Brown’s murder. I have found it helpful. Dean Mike Kinman of Christ Church Cathedral in St. Louis has been an active, faithful leader in Ferguson. Read his blog for a first-hand perspective suffused with love.

Petition to Illinois Supreme Court Denied November 26, 2014

The Illinois Supreme Court today denied a petition by the Episcopal Churchto review the ruling of a lower court whichhad foundthatcertainproperty of the former Episcopal Diocese of Quincy now belongsto a breakaway group organized as the Anglican Diocese of Quincy.

“We are disappointed in this decision,” said the Rt. Rev. Jeffrey D. Lee, bishop of the Diocese of Chicago. The former Episcopal Diocese of Quincy reunited with Lee’s diocese in 2013 and now constitutes its Peoria deanery. “My first concernis to attend to the pastoral needs of the faithful Episcopalians in the Peoria deanery, who have shown such grace and fortitude as the legal process has unfolded. We are aware of our legal options and will consider them in due course.”The property at issue in the case isan endowment fundand ahouseadjacent to St. Paul’s Episcopal Church in Peoria.

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Fierce Conversations Training 21-22 January 2015, Saint James Commons

Susan Scott is an internationally recognized leader in executive education. This training is based on her best-selling book, and is intended to ‘help you gain the insight and skills to make every conversation count.’ The author's desire is to change the world--one conversation at a time.

From David Mays’ Book Notes on ‘Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work & in Life, One Conversation at a Time by Susan Scott

Our lives succeed or fail one conversation at a time. (Foreword)

Introduction: The Idea of Fierce

We must discard the idea that our home and office conversations are quite different. "When you squeeze an orange, what comes out of it? Orange juice. Why? Because that's what's inside it." "When we get squeezed--when things aren't going well for us--what comes out of us? Whatever's inside us." "So if your conversations at work are yielding disappointing results, I'd be willing to bet you're getting similar results at home." (5)

"The conversation is the relationship. If the conversation stops, all of the possibilities for the relationship become smaller and all of the possibilities for the individuals in the relationship become smaller…" "…if we compromise at work or at home; if we lower the standards about how often we talk, what we talk about, and, most important, what degree of authenticity we bring to our conversations--it's a slow and deadly slide." (6)

"Each conversation we have with our coworkers, customers, significant others, and children either enhances those relationships, flat-lines them, or takes them down." (7)

"A fierce conversation is one in which we come out from behind ourselves into the conversation and make it real." (7)

"Whoever said talk is cheap was mistaken. Unreal conversations are incredibly expensive for organizations and for individuals." (7)

"Fierce conversations are about moral courage, clear requests, and taking action. Fierce is an attitude. A way of conducting business. A way of leading. A way of life." (10)

Principle 1. Master the Courage to Interrogate Reality

"No plan survives its collision with reality. The problem is, reality has an irritating habit of shifting…. Things change." (13) "The world will not be managed." (15)

"You will find yourself continually thwarted in your best efforts…unless reality is regularly and thoroughly examined." (15)

The Corporate Nod. People don't say what they are really thinking. "Companies and marriages derail because people don't say what they are really thinking." (19) "One of the goals in a fierce conversation is to get everyone's reality out on the table, so it can be interrogated. Everyone's!" (23)

Three stages of interrogating reality: 1. Identify the issue on the table and your proposed solution. 2. Check to see that everyone understands. 3. Check for agreement. Be sure you get everyone's input and resist the temptation to defend your idea. "Real thinking occurs only when everyone is engaged in exploring differing viewpoints." (27)

"If you're drilling for water, it's better to drill one hundred-foot well than one hundred one-foot wells." A conversation of this nature interrogates reality by mining for increased clarity, improved understanding, and impetus for change." The author calls these Mineral Rights conversations. Drill down deep on a topic by asking a series of questions to accomplish four purposes:

  1. Interrogate reality
  2. Provoke learning
  3. Tackle tough challenges
  4. Enrich relationships (39)

Ground truth is a military term that refers to what is actually happening on the ground as opposed to the official battle tactics. In any organization it is worth getting to ground truth. The official truth is officially circulated but the ground truth is expressed around the water cooler and the parking lot. (47)

We must determine whether our assumptions match current reality. (51)

"I have not yet witnessed a spontaneous recovery from incompetence." Every organization must ask whether we have the talented people we need to successfully deliver our product or service. "As a leader, you get what you tolerate. People do not repeat behavior unless it is rewarded." "Have you communicated clearly not only the results but also the behavior that you wanted? What about attitude?" (60) "Hire attitude. Train skill." (61)

"The quality of our lives is largely determined by the quality of the questions we ask--and the quality of our answers." (64)

Principle 2. Come Out from Behind Yourself into the Conversation and Make It Real

"What are you pretending not to know?" (70)

"While the desire to please is not a flaw, at crucial crossroads we sometimes go too far. Way too far. When faced with a so-called moment of truth, we find ourselves chucking the truth over the fence or tucking it behind the drapes in exchange for a trinket of approval." (710

"Annie Dillard wrote, 'How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.' How are you spending your days, your life?" (81)

List the fierce conversations you need to have with others. Write down the name of the person and a sentence or two about the topic. (84)

Drill down through a series of questions: (87 ff)

  1. Identify your most pressing issue.
  2. Clarify the issue. What's going on? How long? How bad is it?
  3. Determine the current impact. How is this impacting me? What is being produced?

How is it impacting others?

  1. Determine the future implications.
  2. Examine your personal contribution to this issue.
  3. Describe the ideal outcome.
  4. Commit to action. What is the most potent first step for me? What will get in the way and how will I get around it. When do I start?

Principle 3. Be Here, Prepared to Be Nowhere Else

"Humans share a universal longing to be known and, being known, to be loved." (91) "Only when we genuinely see the people who are important to us can we hope to succeed as agents for positive change." "We must transform the way we speak, the way we ask, the way we listen….by really asking and really listening." (92)

"While someone is talking, where are your thoughts?" "While you're talking with someone on the telephone, do you scan your e-mail? And can you tell when someone else is scanning his?" (94) "For [personal] relationships to move forward and upward, you must have fierce affection for the other person. You must have genuine curiosity about what is going on with that person at any given time. You must have an insatiable appetite for learning more every day about who he or she is…." (96) "One conversation at a time, you are building, destroying, or flatlining your relationships." (97)

"What if you're so unengaged or unengaging that nobody hears you, nobody really listens to you, nobody really responds to you? Perhaps you're too polite. Or too self-conscious. Or two self-absorbed. Or too politically correct. Or too cautious. The net result? Unconsciously, we end our conversations as soon as we initiate them, too afraid of what we might say or hear." (98)

One of the fiercest conversations is to tell someone how important he or she is in our lives, how much we value and love that person.

"There is so much more to listen to than words. Listen to the whole person." (103)

Once a month ask each of your key people to explore his or her most important issues with you. (108)

Ask about their emotions. Emotions propel us to action.

Common mistakes in one-to-one conversations: (109-110)

  1. Doing most of the talking
  2. Taking the problem away from someone
  3. Not inquiring about feelings
  4. Delivering unclear messages, coaching, instructions
  5. Canceling the meeting
  6. Allowing interruptions
  7. Running out of time
  8. Assuming your meetings are effective

An outline of a conversation meant to dig deep (a "mineral rights" conversation):

  1. What is the most important thing for us to talk about?
  2. What's going on relative to this issue?
  3. How is it impacting you? Who else is affected?
  4. If nothing changes, what are the implications?
  5. How have you contributed to this situation?
  6. What is the ideal outcome?
  7. What is the most potent step you can take to begin resolution?

Debrief this conversation by asking yourself: (113)

  1. Was I genuinely curious about this person and their reality?
  2. Did I work to understand reality from where he/she stands?
  3. Did feelings get expressed?
  4. What parts of me failed to show up? 5. Who did most of the talking?

Good Questions to Ask (a few from a longer list):

  • What has become clear since we last met?
  • What are you trying to make happen in the next three months?
  • What's the most important decision you're facing?
  • What topic are you hoping I won't bring up?
  • What part of your responsibilities are you avoiding right now?
  • What do you wish you had more time to do?
  • If you were hired to consult with our company, what would you advise?

In these digging-out-reality (mineral rights) conversations, my secret rule is to only ask questions until I have dug out all I can. The practice of taking the conversation away from other people and making it about ourselves is a huge relationship killer and waste of time. (117)

Principle 4. Tackle Your Toughest Challenge Today

Ongoing problems in an organization often stem from root issues. Moles are a nuisance and they proliferate because they eat the grubs in the ground. Go for the root cause. "Make it your job as a leader to give up mole whacking and take up grub hunting." (127)

Follow a format for discussing issues.

  • The issue is: (Be concise and get to the heart of the problem, challenge, or opportunity. Where does the problem originate? How does the system reward it? What is the root cause? )
  • It is significant because: (What's at stake?)
  • My ideal outcome is: (What specific results do you want?)
  • Relevant background information: (Summarize with bullet points)
  • What I have done up to this point: (Summarize)
  • The help I want from the group is:

Five common errors in confronting behavior: (142-147)

  1. Begin by asking how's it going
  2. Using praise as a lead-in
  3. Softening the message to avoid hurting feelings. Replace pillows with clear requests.
  4. Assuming we know what the other person will say. Consequently we may not really hear them.
  5. Blasting with machine gun talk. Go straight to the issue; say it in 60 seconds, and then invite your partner to talk.

In 60 seconds make your opening statement about a behavior issue: (149)

  • Name the issue.
  • Describe a specific example.
  • Describe your emotions about the issue.
  • Clarify what is at stake.
  • Identify your contribution to this problem.
  • Indicate your wish to resolve the issue.
  • Invite your partner to respond.

"Fierce conversations cannot be dependent on how others respond." "If you know something must change, then know that it is you who must change it. Your job is to extend the invitation." "My experience is that when the invitation is extended with grace and skill, it will be accepted, even by those you have almost given up on." (154) "When we confront behavior with courage and skill, we are offering a gift." (161) "Healthy relationships require appreciation and confrontation." (163)