2013 HEART OF MARRIAGE RETREAT
“Forsaking all Others, Even Mama ‘Nem”
And Adam said:“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed- Genesis 2:23 - 25
I.DEFINITIONS
1.What is a Marriage?
- Marriage is a God ordained covenant (divine agreement) between a husband/wife team and God.
The reason the definition of a thing is so important is because definition anchors purpose and purpose brings clarity of use.
“When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable” - Dr. Miles Munroe
2. What does leave mean?
The word “Leave” in Genesis 2:24 is the Hebrew word “Azab” which means to loosen, or relinquish. Relative terms are commit self, forsake, leave (destitute, off)
Forsake means “to renounce or turn away from entirely”
Forsake does NOT mean I don’t love or care about what I may have to forsake
Forsake does not mean forget everyone else except my spouse
Forsake does not mean I don’t receive others counsel or appropriate advice
Forsake does not relieve me from personal responsibilities that I had before I got married.
Question 1: Who falls into the category of all others?
- The term all others applies to strangers, business associates, co-workers, church members, relatives that you are not married to and sometimes children
- It can also many times apply to yourself. That is called self-sacrifice.
Forsaking all others is not about abandoning friends and relatives. It is about prioritizingand properly valuing your spouse.
It is fine to help extended family (relatives) and friends as long as we do not sacrifice our spouse or make them second class citizens in the process.
My priorities have always been God first, family second, career third” - Mary Kay Ash
- Your spouse is a part of you
- Your children are an extension of you
- Your relatives are kin and connected to you
Question 2: What should be left behind when you marry?
1)Unfair obligations to others that seriously consume your spousal/family time, energy, and resources
2)Unrealistic expectations from uncaring individuals
3)Guilt placed on you from self or from manipulative, self-absorbed people
3. What does cleave mean?
The word “Cleave” in Genesis 2:24 is the Hebrew word “dawbak” which means to cling or adhere. Figuratively to “catch by pursuit”, to “follow close (hard after)”, to be “joined together”. Another word used in the description is “overtake”.
II.APPLICATION
Question 3: Now knowing the definitions of leave and cleave why is it important for us to do so?
“Why” is always the power question because it brings things into focus and allows one to act out of their own will. When you understand and relate to the reason behind an action, it is psychologically easier for you to assimilate into performing that action. Assuming you were headed to the grocery store, all the other triggers (how, when, where, who and what) would make absolutely no difference if you didn’t know ‘WHY’ you were headed there. Everything else would be totally irrelevant. Once you know WHY you’re doing something, everything else is just a matter of logistics. So why should we cleave? The answer is given to us in Psalm 133:1-3.
1 Behold, how good and how pleasant it is.
2 For brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious oil upon the head, running down on the beard, the beard of Aaron, running down on the edge of his garments.
3 It is like the dew of Hermon, descending upon the mountains of Zion;For there the Lord commanded the blessing—Life forevermore.
Question 4: Since forsaking has nothing to do with totally eliminating others from our lives, how do we strike a balance between caring for others and keeping proper priority?
1)Follow God (Listen to the Holy Spirit)
2)Establish a standard for yourself that is based on biblical principles
3)Actively develop yourself and constantly examine your practices
4)Establish practical, healthyboundaries for your family and home and
- Establish them together
- Establish them early
- Establish them based on principles of truth and not preferences that are
convenient
- Establish them clearly for everyone that they apply to
“It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.”
― Mandy Hale
5)Hold relatives and others accountable for their actions (as it affects you and your family)
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7 Principles to fortify your marriage covenant
Forget the single mindset
Obey the will of God
Reprioritize my spouse
Sacrifice selfish ambitions
Acknowledge the voice of God
Know your people
Eliminate ties with enemies to your marriage
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III. Summary
In the end, forsaking all others is not about being uncaring or unconcerned about other people. It is about looking at your spouse and considering them with
Proper Value
Proper Order
Proper Priority
So that together you may obtain the holy anointing of dwelling in unity and reap God’s blessing of Life forevermore.