TRINITY FELLOWSHIP CHURCH
DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE POSITION STATEMENT
There is an increasing pressure on couples to resolve marriage problems by ending the marriage through divorce, and Christian marriages are under the same intense pressure as couples outside the church… Therefore, it is important to clarify as much as possible the biblical position on divorce and remarriage. It is our intent that this position will help our pastoral staff and congregation know how to respond to situations that might develop between a couple whose marriage is in trouble.
It is God’s intent, as stated in the Bible that the marriage covenant should be with one partner for a lifetime. We believe that this remains God’s perfect intent for His children. In making this statement, however the Bible acknowledges limited circumstances under which divorce may be permitted because of the effect of sin. The following Scriptures refer specifically to the issue of divorce and are the basis from which we draw our position as stated below.
Matthew 5:31-32 – “And it was said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of dismissal’; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity (porneia – illicit sex, bestiality, homosexuality, adultery), makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
Matthew 19:9 – “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality (porneia – see above), and marries another woman commits adultery.”
1 Corinthians 7:10, 11, 15 – “But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband; but if she does leave (separate), let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband, and that the husband should not send his wife away…Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.”
The Church’s Commitment To The Marriage Covenant
Church leadership has been given the biblical charge to watch over individual members and families of the congregation. Members should be pursued and not allowed to become inactive in their membership as they attempt to work out their marriage problems. We believe that in times of marital stress where the possibility exists that divorce may result, the church must be proactive in working with couples to help resolve the issues that are causing disintegration of the marriage relationship. Therefore, our goal remains to work toward preservation, restoration, and improvement of the relationship whenever possible. When made aware of a marriage needing intervention, the church will seek to initiate an intervention process that will include pastoral counseling, possible referral for professional counseling, and other marriage ministry interventions as deemed appropriate. The pastoral counseling process carries the authority of the church leadership to bring support, resources, correction, or whatever is needed to assist in restoration.
Pre-Christian Divorce
A divorce without biblical grounds that has taken place before the person’s commitment to Christ is covered under the blood of Christ along with the other sins previously committed. However, this condition does not preclude the possibility of reconciliation, as God would lead in the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit following conversion.
Grounds Upon Which Divorce May Be Considered
The following circumstances may constitute grounds for the termination of a marriage. However, they become a ground for divorce only after a sincere and significant effort to remove the offending cause through a process of repentance and restoration and after counseling has been unsuccessful. The pastoral counseling process as well as other interventions can help define when a problem becomes a ground for divorce. In every case involving consideration of divorce or separation, the pastor responsible for counseling will submit the situation to two other pastors for peer review.
Sexual Immorality and Adultery
Sexual immorality (porneia) is defined as adultery or sexual perversion. Adultery requires no clarification, but sexual perversion of the nature that would break the marriage covenant would require definition through the pastoral counseling process. The determination of whether the sexual conduct in question rises to the level of sexual perversion so as to constitute a ground for divorce is to be carefully considered by the counseling pastor. The pastor should seek out and receive input from the offended spouse to determine the effect of the sexual conduct on the status of the marriage. As set out above, before divorce or separation is recommended on the ground of sexuality perversion, the counseling pastor will submit the issue for peer review. Consideration will be given to the seriousness of the sin, the likelihood of repentance, and the potential for restoration.
Abandonment
Abandonment is not always easily determined and the following definition should not be used as an excuse to end a difficult marriage that can be restored. Abandonment includes one or more of the following circumstances: a prolonged and willful and deliberate refusal to provide financial support, or prolonged and extreme neglect or cruelty towards the abandoned spouse. When a husband or wife has abandoned their spouse and a divorce has resulted, the abandoned spouse is free, in proper time, and with appropriate consideration, to remarry.
Domestic Violence and Abuse
When a spouse is endangered due to physical abuse or serious threats of physical abuse, circumstances will warrant separation in order to ensure physical safety. The offending spouse should be confronted and given an opportunity for pastoral and professional intervention, as deemed necessary. Reconciliation remains the goal, but the affected spouse must remain in a safe environment until satisfactory progress has been achieved with the offending spouse. Given a reasonable period of time, a lack of response or inadequate progress from the offending spouse may constitute grounds for divorce, as determined through the pastoral counseling process. Prolonged and severe emotional and verbal abuse may also warrant separation as a means accomplishing reconciliation, and in rare instances may constitute grounds for divorce, as determined through the pastoral counseling process.
Separation
It may at times be appropriate for a husband or wife to separate from their spouse in order to deal with situations confronting the couples, which keeps them from working at building the marriage. This should not be entered into quickly or without proper counsel. When separation is necessary, it is for the purpose of reconciliation. It should not be considered to be the first step toward divorce.
Parameters for Separation
During separation, parameters must be set with the pastoral counseling process as the mediator. Parameters include financial support and accountability, length of separation, communication and contacts, regular counseling or other interventions, and other parameters as needed.
Divorce and Singleness
We do not believe that marriage should end in divorce, except in those rare instances when biblical grounds exist. If, however, after exhausting all avenues available, through the counseling and marriage ministry process, one of the parties chooses divorce for reasons other than adultery (porneia), abandonment, or domestic abuse, they must remain single for the rest of their lives. (1 Corinthians 7:10, 11). Believing that in God’s eyes, the marriage covenant still remains, and the possibility for reconciliation still exists, the Church will extend love, grace and fellowship to such individual choosing divorce as long as they remain single. The Church also remains committed to care for the remaining spouse and any children affected by the divorce.
Cause for Church Discipline
- Divorce without pastoral consultation and in violation of the principles set out herein.
- Refusal by one or both parties to work toward restoring or resolving the problems of their marriage either personally or by refusing pastoral counseling or involvement.
- A decision to date or remarry when the divorce has occurred on grounds other than those set out herein.
If an individual makes on or more of the three choices above regarding his/her marriage, he/she is in defiance of the will of God and has decided to pursue his/her personal interests rather than God’s plan for his/her life. The result is broken fellowship with God until there has been repentance. Such actions will initiate the disciplinary process. Failure to respond to the disciplinary process will result in termination of Church membership and the privileges of Church fellowship. The member file will be noted, and following a process of reconciliation and restoration may restore church membership.
Reconciliation and Restoration
The first step in rebuilding a relationship with a removed church member is reconciliation. Reconciliation is the process of agreeing on the circumstances and events that led to the disciplinary action. Both parties must agree on these circumstances and be able to say the same things in their regard. Reconciliation may involve limited actions of response that demonstrate the person’s sincerity in restoring the relationship.
Process of Reconciliation
- Repent – acknowledge wrong
- Redirect actions – demonstrate repentance by changed actions and attitudes
- Report – walk in accountability
- Restore – healing from past hurts
Restoration
When a person desires to completely restore his/her relationship to the church, reinstating his/her church membership and its privileges involves further steps. Steps of restoration will be determined according to the individual issues involved and outlined as a follow-up to the reconciliation process listed above. Each situation will differ, and so the steps of restoration will vary according to the issues and will be determined by pastoral counseling and involvement.
Revised: August 11, 2003