SCRIPT
VOICEOVER
Last Week, on ‘House of Atreus’
SCENE
Theodore finishing meal, Adam standing behind
Adam: Enjoy the meal? Your sons played an integral role.
Theodore: Oh, lovely thanks. How did my sons help?
Adam: They were the main ingredient. Mystery meat indeed.
Theodore: NOOOOOO! Shocked look Curse you brother of all evil.
SCENE
Ethan: Crystal, you must hold down the fort while I sort out my business in Beijing. Try to forget our daughter’s imminent death. Sacrifices must be made.
Crystal is cold but compliant.
SCENE
Alistair: Knocks at door.
Crystal: At last we can be together.
Alistair: But… he’s my cousin.
Crystal: It doesn’t matter.
Theme song
Crystal blackberry-ing (out loud) on the couch.
Crystal: To my 200 best face-book pals. Just letting everybody know my gorgeous hubby is returning from his ten year Beijing trip. For those of you who aren’t up to date, I’ll let you know how I’m going. I won’t lie, life hasn’t been easy at home, and your rumours haven’t helped. I’ve cried so much and now I can’t cry anymore. Anyway, my text message chain got the message home fast so I guess those nightmares I’ve been having can finally stop. Ethan is such a great husband, he supports our family, love him big time. G2G, he’s here now!
Sweetheart, come, walk on this brand new rug! I bought it from a Versace; it’s all the rage in Europe!
Ethan: You talk far too much. Knowing you, you’ve been face book gossiping this whole time. As for that hideous rug, as if I’d walk on that, that is how we treat CEOs, not executives. I will not act higher than I am, or they’ll bust me down to manager like that. Clicks. My deals in Beijing will reap their own rewards, when I die with my riches, then you may honour me.
Crystal: Stop being difficult, I did it all for you!
Ethan: You can’t change my mind woman, I’ll do what I said.
Crystal: What’s your problem, afraid your deals in the south pacific will fall apart?
Ethan: My word is final, I know exactly what I’m doing, as any guy should.
Crystal: What would Jeffrey Skilling do?
Ethan: Obviously, he’d walk on the carpet.
Crystal: So why do you care what other people think.
Ethan: What other people think can mean a lot.
Crystal: True, but if people aren’t jealous of us then really that means they’re better than us.
Ethan: It’s not like a woman to be so keen on competition.
Crystal: You deserve this, no one will think any less of you (Motivation)
Ethan: Is winning this petty argument so important to you?
Crystal: Why can’t you just say I’m right, man up and trust your loving wife.
Ethan: Well, if you wish. Get these loafers off and I’ll do what you want, walk on your stupid carpet. Hopefully no one thinks I’m over stepping my place.
Walks on the rug
So much for that.
Enter Bethany, skimpy outfit.
Come on, make this girl welcome, she’ll be staying with us from now on, so treat her well. My associates in China thought it fitting to send this play thing back with me. Smug. Now you’ve won, I’ll head inside, maid will fetch me a drink and I’ll have some well-deserved rest.
Crystal gives dirty look.
Voice Over
Next Time, on ‘House of Atreus’
[Bethany: I think something bad’s about to happen!]
[Ethan: Perhaps I’ll take a bath]
[Crystal (with a knife): Mwaa haaa haaa]
Fade out and End Credits.