A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM
by William Shakespeare
(Adapted by Paul D. Smith, PhD)
HERMIA—loves Lysander
HELENA—loves Demetrius
DEMETRIUS—loves Hermia
LYSANDER—loves Hermia
PUCK—a mischievous fairy
OBERON—King of the Fairies
NARRATOR
SCENE ONE
[Hermia, Lysander, Demetrius, and the Narrator are onstage.]
NARRATOR:
Hermia and Lysander are in love.
[They come together and smile lovingly at each other]
NARRATOR:
But Hermia’s father wants her to marry Demetrius instead.
[Demetrius smiles and points to his chest]
[Exit Demetrius]
NARRATOR:
So Lysander comes up with a plan…
LYSANDER:
[Whispers in her ear]
Sweet Hermia, if you love me, listen to my plan.
We’ll sneak away from town tonight and marry, if we can.
Be sure you father’s fast asleep, sleeping sound and good,
Then tiptoe out, and sneak away, and meet me in the woods.
[Enter Helena]
HELENA:
Hi, guys. I’ve been looking all over for you. What’s up?
HERMIA:
[To Lysander]
Should we tell her?
LYSANDER:
I guess so. She’ll keep it a secret.
HERMIA:
[To Helena]
Well, Helena, you know that we’re in love and want to wed,
But Daddy wants to give me to Demetrius instead.
So after dark tonight, once everybody’s hit the hay,
We’ll sneak out to the woods, meet up, and run away.
HELENA:
Well, guys, good luck with that.
[Exit Hermia and Lysander, opposite exits]
HELENA:
They’re so happy, and I’m so sad, what am I to do?
Lysander loves Hermia, and Demetrius loves her too!
But I love Demetrius, and nobody loves me!
And that’s why I’m so miserable, as miserable as can be.
[She pouts and thinks for a second]
I’ve got it!
If I go tell Demetrius that Hermia plans to flee,
He’ll see her with Lysander, get jealous, and, you see,
He’ll look around, and I’ll be there—he’ll fall in love with me!
[Exit Helena]
SCENE TWO
[Narrator is alone on stage.]
NARRATOR:
The woods where our lovers are planning to meet is full of fairies,
as most woods are. Fairies are invisible to humans, of course. Oberon, King
of the Fairies, [enter Oberon] is giving instructions to his most mischievous
fairy, Puck [enter Puck].
OBERON:
Come here, my gentle Puck, I have a job for you.
Last night I saw young Cupid, flying through the air,
He shot his bow, the arrow flew, and I remember where
The arrow landed in the earth, it hit a little flower.
Go fetch the plant, and bring it here, it has a magic power!
PUCK:
Faster than a dream I’ll fly, and bring this bloom to you,
But tell me King, O fairy King, what magic can it do?
OBERON:
Just squeeze this little flower’s juice in the eyes of one who sleeps,
And when he wakes he’ll madly love the first thing that he sees.
[Exit Puck]
SCENE THREE
[Oberon is still on stage]
NARRATOR:
Well, Helena told Demetrius about the two lovers, and sure enough, Demetrius decides to catch the two of them in the woods and stop them. It’s late at night,
and Helena has followed Demetrius into the woods. By the way, Puck found the
magic flower, and is on his way to give it to Oberon.
[Enter Demetrius, followed by Helena]
HELENA:
[chasing Demetrius]
Stop, sweetie, stop! Hermia doesn’t love you. But I do! Give me a little kiss!
DEMETRIUS:
Stop following me! Can’t you see? I love Hermia, not you. Go away!
[Exit Demetrius, chased by Helena]
[Exit Helena, chasing Demetrius]
OBERON:
I know quite well just what I’ll tell my Puck when he returns,
I’ll make him take some magic juice and squeeze it in the eyes
Of this young man when he’s asleep so that, to his surprise,
When he wakes up and takes a look at Helena whom he spurns,
In one quick glance his heart will dance, with love his heart will burn.
[Exit Oberon]
SCENE FOUR
[Enter Hermia and Lysander]
LYSANDER:
It’s late, my dear, and we’re so tired, I think we’ve lost our way.
Let’s stop right here and get some sleep and wait for light of day.
HERMIA:
I think you’re right, and I’m so beat, can’t go another mile.
Let’s rest our weary legs and feet and sleep a little while.
[They both fall asleep, snoring.]
[Enter Puck, carrying the flower]
PUCK:
My master said to find a pair of humans fast asleep,
And put some juice in the young man’s eyes so when he takes a peep
At the girl who follows close behind he’ll fall in love so quick.
So here’s the guy, and here’s the juice, enough to do the trick.
[Puck squeezes the juice into Lysander’s eyes.]
[Exit Puck]
NARRATOR:
Well, that’s going to be a problem. Puck put the juice in the wrong man’s eyes!
[Enter Demetrius, chased by Helena. He runs past the sleeping lovers and exits.]
HELENA:
[running after Demetrius]
Wait, cutie pie! I still love you!
[Helena accidentally bumps into the sleeping Lysander. He wakes up.]
LYSANDER:
[taking one look at Helena]
And I love you, my beautiful Helena. With all my heart.
[Helena stops]
HELENA:
What are you talking about? You love Hermia. [Points to Hermia]
LYSANDER:
Who, me? No I don’t. I love you. Give me a kiss!
HELENA:
You must be kidding.
[Helena runs offstage. Lysander follows.]
LYSANDER:
Come back, my love. Yoo hoo, darling!
[Exit Lysander]
[Hermia wakes up]
HERMIA:
Lysander, where are you? Lysander, my love? Where have you gone?
[Exit Hermia, looking for Lysander]
SCENE FIVE
[Enter Demetrius, chased by Hermia]
HERMIA:
Where is Lysander! What have you done with him?
DEMETRIUS:
I haven’t seen Lysander. But I’m glad to see you!
HERMIA:
Stop that! Tell me where he is!
DEMETRIUS:
I don’t have a clue, my beautiful. Forget him. How about a little kiss?
HERMIA:
Aaaaargh!
[Exit Hermia]
DEMETRIUS:
She’s just playing hard to get. I’ll let her think about it until the morning.
All this love business has worn me out. [yawns]
[Demetrius falls asleep]
[Enter Puck and Oberon]
OBERON:
What have you done, my silly little Puck?
This is the man—of all the rotten luck!
PUCK:
Oops!
OBERON: [to Puck]
Go search the woods, search high and low and fast,
Find Helena, and bring her here at last.
I’ll juice his eyes while he is sleeping here,
And when he wakes his true love shall appear.
[Oberon squeezes the juice into Demetrius’s eyes.]
[Exit Puck]
SCENE SIX
[Enter Helena, chased by Lysander]
[Helena bumps into Demetrius, who wakes]
DEMETRIUS:
Oh, Helena, beautiful, lovely, divine,
I love you, I love you, please be mine!
HELENA:
What!?!?
LYSANDER:
What!?!?
HELENA:
Oh, I get it. You’re both making fun of me. That’s not nice. Stop it.
DEMETRIUS:
No, I love you.
LYSANDER:
No, I love you.
[Enter Hermia]
HERMIA:
What’s going on here? Lysander, you’re o.k., my love!
LYSANDER:
I’m o.k., but I’m not your love. I love Helena.
DEMETRIUS:
No, I love Helena.
LYSANDER:
Why don’t we take this outside, buddy boy? Wanna fight?
DEMETRIUS:
We are outside. But let’s settle this once and for all.
[Exit Lysander and Demetrius, off to fight]
[Exit Hermia and Helena]
SCENE SEVEN
[Enter Lysander and Demetrius, about to fight]
LYSANDER:
Put up your dukes.
DEMETRIUS:
Let’s go.
[Enter Oberon]
OBERON:
I think it’s time I put a stop to all this silly war.
I’ll wave my hand and make these guys fall asleep and snore.
[Oberon waves his hand, and the two guys fall asleep, snoring]
[Enter Hermia and Helena, who do not notice the guys]
HERMIA:
I’m so sleepy. Let’s rest here, and look for them in the morning.
HELENA:
Sounds great. I’m bushed.
[Hermia and Helena fall asleep]
[Enter Oberon and Puck]
OBERON:
Well now it’s time to fix the mess that you, my Puck, began.
Just put some juice into the eyes of that young sleeping man.
[points to Lysander]
[Puck puts the juice into Lysander’s eyes]
OBERON:
Now very loud I’ll blow my horn and startle them awake,
And each will love the proper one, all for true love’s sake.
[Oberon blows his horn. They all wake up.]
LYSANDER:
Dear Hermia, I love you!
HERMIA:
And I love you, Lysander.
[They embrace]
HELENA:
Dear Demetrius, I love you.
DEMETRIUS:
And I love you, Helena.
HELENA:
I’ll take it!
[They embrace]
[Enter narrator]
NARRATOR:
In case you’re wondering, everyone lived happily ever after.
And as our little story proves,
“The course of true love never did run smooth.”
THE END