Guided Writing #2 Show, Don’t Tell
Writer’s Workshop Name ______Flurry/Carter/Scholtes date______block ____
Assignment: Develop a piece of writing that takes place in less than one minute but is at least 1 page single spaced, or 2 pages double-spaced (12 font). Focus on the DESCRIPTION of the moment, placing that one minute under a microscope and developing the description.
Deadline: Typed, “Meaty” draft w/ at least one draft (other than quik writes) due ______
Objectives: In this writing I will…
describe a minute or less of action
write in essay form, sticking with the minimum page requirement
focus on creating an appropriate descriptionthrough the five senses.
Ideas to Get Started:
Continue to develop any one of the pieces you started in class.
Complete the back of this page for ideas.
Read student samples for inspiration.
Anything else you can think of that fulfills this objective.
Reminders:
Make sure you focus on SHOWING, rather than just TELLING (summarizing)
To be completed, signed, and stapled as a cover sheet when you turn it in.
The title of this piece is: ______.
How difficult did you find this piece to write? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
(1 is easy, 10 is impossible)
How proud are you of this piece? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
(1 is ashamed of, 10 is very proud)
This work is my own. X______
(for Teacher’s remarks)
_____/20 conventions____/15 overall effort
_____/5All drafts attachedand typed_____/imagery, use of the 5 senses
____/50 total
Brainstorming for Show, Don’t Tell (optional- just to get you started)
- Sharpening a Pencil
It looks like…
- It smells like…
- It sounds like…
- It feels to the touch like…
- Reading a Verdict in the Classroom
It looks like…
- It smells like…
- It sounds like…
- The mood feels like…
- When I’m here, I feel…
- Ordering food at a drive-thru
It looks like…
- It smells like…
- It sounds like…
- When I’m there, I feel…
One Minute or Less Activities
- The moment before you die
- The moment before you’re born
- Saying or hearing “I love you” for the first time
- Tying your shoe
- Waking up in the morning
- The moment before you fall asleep
- Voting on your first ballot
- Walking into a brand new class
- Logging onto the Internet
- Choosing an outfit for the day or an event
- Hearing your parents telling you they’re divorcing
- Walking down the aisle at your wedding
- Seeing your child for the first time
- The moment before you hit another car
- Deciding to dye your hair purple
- The moment you realize you’re in love
- The moment before or after you’re picture’s taken
- The minute after a prank phone call
- Before you ride a roller coaster for the 1st time
- Shaving your head
- The minute after a first date
- The minute before the concert starts
- Walking down your street
- Getting out of your car and heading into a store
Student Examples of “Show, Not Tell”
The Candy Cartby Keli Campbell (2000)
The candy cart at Tuckerman’s Grocer rose like a monument in the middle of the store. Bins upon bins of wrapped candies lay waiting to be scooped up by the handfuls. Across the store little Tommy Jacobs peeked his blond head over the mounds of potatoes to eye the sweet oasis. A chubby little finger hung from the corner of his mouth, a characteristic gesture of which he was not aware. He chewed on his little finger slowly and gently, but the mere act of eating was not enough to appease his churning stomach. He opened his mouth just enough to let the saliva-glazed finger free and it dropped to his side. The other hand fell from his mother’s loose hold, and he took one step closer to the candy display. Repeatedly he had tried to convince his mother to add a bag of candy to the overfilled shopping cart, but she steadily refused. So it was up to him now.
With a quick glance over his shoulder at his busy mother, he stole away towards the candy. Edging around the produce tables, first the potatoes, then the strawberries and then the bananas, he finally stopped at the cracker box pyramid to look back. His mother still had her head bent over the cabbages, but Tommy did not move. For a moment he almost turned back, but he was already this far and his mouth was watering for sweet chocolate. The distance between the crackers and the candy seemed enormously wide and there were no obstacles to hide behind. He would have to make a straight dash across the white linoleum floor. Taking a deep breath, he took one cautious step into the open chasm and then burst across it in a blur of blond hair and overalls.
The candy was now in reaching distance and his little heart beat in anticipation and fear. Finding the exact type he wanted, he lifted the clear Plexiglas lid just high enough to fit his little hand in to take one piece of chocolate. Holding the piece close to his overalls, he turned his back to all that might see his mischief. With both hands he pulled the twisted cellophane on both ends and the plastic released the candy into his palm. He slipped the candy into his mouth, letting it melt against his tongue, the chocolate juice running down his throat. Smiling, he turned the candy around in his mouth. But the smile hastily turned into a frozen stare as the sound of rattling shopping-cart wheels approached.
His mother called out his name. With a startled puff of air, the candy shot from his mouth and hit the side of the candy cart where it stuck. The unfolded wrapper fell to the floor.
“I told you you’re not getting any candy,” his mother said, holding out her hand, not as an offer, but a demand, and then moving towards the check out. As he was pulled away, Tommy looked back at his unfinished chocolate on the side of the cart and the encrypting empty wrapper lying on the floor. His mouth watered, his stomach churned, and once again, he unknowingly lifted his little finger to his mouthto be chewed on.
The Tuna Fish Impression by Roy Carter (2000)
Olive did not want to enter this classroom. Not yet, not until she was good and ready. so she just stood there and stiffly faced the closed door. The young girl’s body seemed to mimic the rigid, unmoving slab of wood before her.
Only a few hours ago, Olive’s mother had given her dozens of tips on how to make her first day at the new school a success. Now, the girl searcher her brain for these hints, the way a dying man searches his medicine cabinet for medication. However, all she could remember were useless pieces of the advice, which just ran together…
onlyonechance firstimpression dontscrewthisup tunaforlunch dontwearthis wearthat…
It was hopeless, to say the least.
Olive closed her eyes and pressed her tongue against the roof of her mouth. Her new braes made her jaw sore. I should’ve brushed my teeth after breakfast, Olive thought. Now all she could taste was a foul combination of orange juice and breath mints.
The sour smell of a quickly congealing tuna fish sandwich wafted out of the brown paper lunch sack Olive clutched at her chest. She used both of her chubby hands to grip the folded top of the sack. The nervous fingers and knuckles quickly lost their color. Olive was holding the bag so tightly that she had unknowingly ripped ten tiny holes in the thin paper.
tuna fish tuna fish screw up.
She was not focused on those holes in her lunch bag, which were getting bigger and bigger by the second. So when it happened, there was nothing Olive could do but stare.
The top half of the sack tore off completely, sending the rest of the bag and its contents down to the linoleum floor with a crash.
The apple thudded, the potato chips crunched, the tuna fish sandwich splopped.
Olive tumbled down also, grabbing each of the damaged items and stuffing each one into the thankfully oversized pockets of her pink sweatpants. the sandwich, however, posed a bit of a problem. Upon impact with the ground, the slop of tuna fish in the center had been ejaculated from its French bread phallus, so that it now stretched across the hall.
Olive used her fear-moistened palms to scrape up the bulk of the fish. Then, just as she was untucking her shirttail to use it as a sponge, the gates of Hell opened. The large wooden classroom door that was only inches from Olive’s skull swung out, knocking the poor girl backwards onto her bottom. Her bare hand sunk deep into the sopping sack of tuna fish.
“Oh my goodness!” the woman who’d opened the door screeched. “Well class, it looks as if I have found our missing new student. And it looks like we need the nurse. And a janitor. And a very big mop.”
There was a line of searing pain on the right side of Olive’s forehead, where the corner of the door had struck her. She brought her tuna fish-covered fingers to her forehead and began massaging the pain. The warm tuna and the warm blood mixed together to form a mush, smelly, unholy paste.
“Oh honey, get up off that floor and come inside, “ the teacher said.
And with that, Olive lumbered up and wandered into the classroom, worrying about first impressions and covered with rancid tuna fish.
Words of Wisdom: “Don’t tell me it’s cold outside, let me feel the chill.” -Mrs. Flurry
- Next, on a piece of paper, students brainstorm a list of at least 5 things that they have done today that took 60 seconds or less.
- Next, they list 5 things they will do the rest of the day that take 60 seconds or less.
- Finally, 5 outrageous things that take 60 seconds or less.
- Give them a quick tool time lesson-
Tool Time: Your Sixth Sense: Using the Other 5 in Writing for Guided #2 "Show, not Tell"
Put your description under a microscope! When detail is needed in description, focus on using words related to the 5 senses of sight, taste, touch, sound and smell.
- Pass out notecards with prompts (taken from the list on the guided writing sheet) and do 6 minute quick writes. Have them share in between.If they are stuck on a prompt, have them use something from their own list of 15.
- Read the student examples out loud BEFORE you give them the new guided writing... they make for great stories (which is the point I make by reading them outloud as entertainment.)