The Ass Dan Memorial SNL Packet

The Ass Dan Memorial SNL Packet

Tossups by Mike Cheyne and Seth Meyers

1. This character packs a blacklight to inspect his hotel mattress for human stains. He has frequent urination problems and notes that they could have used all the food at the wedding at the Superdome. His theme song says he provides “an earful of bleak facts” and like his female counterpart, he is very concerned about feline AIDS. For 10 points, name this Steve Carell played man who eventually dates Debbie Downer.

ANSWER: Bob Bummer

1. After this event occurred, a character named Beth notes “You’re in my heart, babe. You’re in my heart.” It occurs shortly after an ashtray full of cigarette butts is thrown at Dawn and after it happened, the actress playing Dawn notably puffed her cheeks in embarrassment. This occurred in the sketch Biker Chick Chat, which involved numerous usages of the word “frickin.’”For 10 points, name this event which got Jenny Slate’s SNL tenure off to a bad start, in which she said a profanity on air.

ANSWER: Jenny Slate saying fucking

1. This show’s theme song proclaims “I go from town to town, empty cups in my way.” In one scene, the host anxiously shouts “I’ve abandoned my child! I’ve abandoned my boy!” In the only episode of this show, the guest is Anton Chigurh, although Juno is the guest for next week. It is hosted by an oil man alongside his son H.W. and presumably each episode features the host taking out a really big straw to reach across the room and perform the title action. For 10 points, name this fictional food show hosted by Daniel Plainview, in which he enjoys consuming other peoples’ cold drinks.

ANSWER: I Drink Your Milkshake!

1. In an Internet-only clip, this man recites the names and birthdays of the U.S. Presidents. In real life, this person thought his appearances on the show were “perplexing” and “obscure,” but noted they got his wardrobe right. In an episode featuring Paul Simon, Simon speaks up for him and introduces a supposed “twin” of this man. At the end of all his appearances, he seems unhappy until he grins at a joking DeAndre Cole. For 10 points, name this man who is always the third guest that is bumped on What Up with That, the real life guitarist of Fleetwood Mac.

ANSWER: Lindsey Buckingham

1. A character in a sketch set in this location has seen Bigfoot twice and once chewed his dentist’s foot off with his teeth. It is where a character describes being crushed by a box of dictionaries and about being rescued from Peru by Celine Dion. In the best known line in a sketch set here, a character responds to the line “Don’t’ worry, be happy” with “Bobby McFerrin raped my grandmother!” For 10 points, name this location, the setting of a sketch where Alec Baldwin and Kristen Wiig exchange bizarre revelations on a morning commute.

ANSWER: car

1. This character is introduced in a flashback puffing on a Cheeba and telling someone to prove his fandom. This character is described as “America’s sweetheart” and has “big, broad shoulders and a red-ass weave,” as well as a penis. In reality, he is a man who found a red wig in a dumpster. For 10 points, name this Kenan Thompson played person, supposedly the “Queen of Country” in a short about “her” affair with Andy Samberg.

ANSWER: The RebaMcEntire Impersonator

1. Name or description okay. In a theme song, this character is said to “get all kinds of poontang.” He says the favorite thing about a woman is the vagina and recites Levicitus 18:22. This character shockingly owns anal lubricant and a dildo. In his last appearance, he vomits all over the Kristen Wiig played Vicky, which is followed by an angel dust production lab exploding. Much to his father’s dismay, this character is gay. For 10 points, name this ShiaLaBeouf played character, the relation of a Will Forte played inept bomb defuser.

ANSWER: Merrill or MacGruber’s son

1. At the end of a sketch about one of these objects, a character leaves with his “hemorrhoid donut.” That sketch features someone shrieking “You will never drink Tang!” These objects are left alone with a man while someone goes to retrieve the “space test.” Mr. Aymong ends up “returning” this object to Mr. Greenblatt by vomiting it into Greenblatt’s hand. Greenblatt immediately realizes that Aymong stole one of these thirty-five objects. For 10 points, name this food item eaten by a Jason Sudeikis played character in a very weird sketch.

ANSWER: potato chip

1. In one appearance, this character reveals his DVD box set is a 20 hour, 8-disc collection of pornography. He is always introduced by a montage featuring Brian Austin Green and ALF. He first appeared as a hotel owner in an episode hosted by Catherine Zeta-Jones, and his son wears a sailor’s suit and is played by Bobby Moynihan. This man’s director is always seen smoking and eating pasta. For 10 points, name this Bill Hader played character, the fast-talking host of La RivistadellaTelevisione.

ANSWER: VinnyVedecci

1. Description acceptable. Immediately before this film is screened, its director notes another of his works was inspired by Three Amigos! When one character makes her first appearance, she proclaims “believe it or not.”At the end of this film, a character uses the power of “nature,” and the director pronounces the scene with “bats” as “game changing.”Characters continually use the phrase “kemosabe,” including Spaceship and Nitro. It features Sigourney Weaver reprising her role as Ripley. For 10 points, name this entry in a sci-fi series about feline weapons, this one directed by the maker of Avatar.

ANSWER: Laser Cats V [or James Cameron’s Laser Cats]

1. In a sketch about this activity, characters note that on the holiday of Chi Chi Mon Greenus you study spelling. In that sketch about this, a character claims “boys and girls swimming together” caused World War I, and that the last war fought on international soil was the “dinosaur/caveman war.” This activity is the focus of a sketch featuring Michael Phelps from the Brethren of Ezekiel Compound. For 10 points, name this activity that pits Richmond High against home schoolers in a lame sketch, and which is also played by Auroni Gupta.

ANSWER: quizbowl

1. This character proclaims that “all of the kids love the robot voice” and his representative says that he puts it down for the streets, meaning cul-de-sacs. This character’s mother is played by a cross-dressing Robert De Niro and he is represented by Ted Jankaloff, played by Tim McGraw. He is inexplicably beloved by Ludacris, who believes him to be superior to T-Pain. For 10 points, name this Andy Samberg played singer who begins his songs by shouting “RAP SONG, RAP SONG.”

ANSWER: Blizzard Man

1. This man says that since he is a churchgoer, he will not break someone else’s “big, beautiful nose.” He proclaims “we’re going to hug it out, bitch!” after encountering someone who did an unflattering impression of him. This man asks such questions as “Did you see The Perfect Storm?” and he reminds people that he produces Entourage.He ends most of his communications with the phrase “Say hi to your mother for me.” For 10 points, name this actor who “talks to animals” in a sketch.

ANSWER: Mark Wahlberg

1. In this man’s first appearance, he describes something called “BrishovNishnak,” saying he learned it in his school of him and two other guys. He is asked if he ever feels like his hands are made of sand, and he himself asks how long he has to tug on a cord before something happens. This character frequently reacts with anger at the shortness of his sponsor’s commercials, like one featuring Marilyn Monroe for Asbestos. He usually has a stuffed raven on his shoulder and is annoyed at the sexual activities of guests like Liberace. For 10 points, name this Bill Hader played character, a real-life horror actor who hosts terrible holiday specials.

ANSWER: Vincent Price

1. This character’s great grandfather was named E.T. and his mother was of French Canadian descent. He is concerned about plugging up potholes and for “licking the crack” problem in his hometown. At the end of the sketch, he announces he is changing his name to “Deldeaux” before realizing what that means. For 10 points, name this unfortunately named Jon Hamm played political candidate who is running for City Councilman of Butts, New York.

ANSWER: Pat Finger [or Pat Deldeaux]

1. This character has no name. This man is told by Wally that he would prefer to bake snickerdoodles and French-kiss his French-kissing puppet. He says he soils his pants every day and sets up his most famous actions by referencing his father fighting in Inchon and John Wooden. His two appearances have featured him doing something to the tunes of “Fancy Pants” and “Casino Royale,” alongside Michael Phelps and Peyton Manning. For 10 points, name this Will Forte character that tries to motivate young people through crazy dancing.

ANSWER: coach

1. This person learned that George Orwell’s real name was Eric Blair during his senior year in Cornell. The equipment manager for the cross country team, he denounces a “feline genocide” inflicted on his cat, Miss Precious Perfect. This man at one point mugs to the camera when screaming “HOW MUCH IS HALLIBURTON PAYING YOU? I HOPE IT’S NOT PAYING YOU IN OIL!” He names “McCain campaign butt boy” Richard Wolffe, the “Worst Person in the World.” For 10 points, name this man played by Ben Affleck as a dictatorial liberal host of the show Countdown.

ANSWER: Keith Olbermann

1. A sketch set in this location features a character who rode a talking moose to work and who tells someone to put the cocoa down. A character here shows off a new line of power tools and is named Winter’s Breath. The most famous incident here is when a speaker says “Always be closing” instead of “Always be cobbling” during his lecture. For 10 points, name this location where an Alec Baldwin played elf arrives to lecture the troops.

ANSWER: Santa’s workshop

1. For some reason, United Airlines showed this sketch during my 2008 flight home to Grand Rapids, although watching it multiple times helped me get a buzz at 2009 CO Trash. An audience member can be audibly heard screaming “oh my God!” shortly after the Bobby Moynihan character says he’s “warmed up like biscuits.” The musical guest appears in this sketch and says “hell, no” to her fictional director’s request. At the end of this sketch, it is revealed that three of the characters are the Paul Rudd character’s stepsons. It is best known for having Justin Timberlake continually stating “We’re the dancers” to a confused singer. For 10 points, name this sketch involving male backups appearing a Beyonce music video.

ANSWER: The “Single Ladies” sketch

1. This song is played after Eric rushes in, noting he has “just thought of the funniest thing.” It’s played after Keith explains that he hasn’t seen a sibling in years, and after two cops read a description of the scene at the end of the sketch. This song plays during the SNL sketch known as “Dear Sister,” referencing a humorous scene on The OC.For 10 points, name this Imogen Heap song played during a digital short involving multiple shootings, whose most famous lyric is “Mmmm, what you say?”

ANSWER: “Hide and Seek”

1. In this character’s first appearance, he notes that “chestnuts are roasting, as they say.” He stole Uncle Joey’s watch, and his cousin Earl died in a water-taxi accident. Debbie Turner wrote Living with the Devil about this man, who quotes “the black singer” Usher to romance her back. He usually appears in sketches involving a Jason Sudeikis played MC in which he grabs a microphone to rant about black people. For 10 points, name this Will Forte played character, an albino who hates Obama.

ANSWER: Hamilton

1. In one scene in this sketch, characters attack a man dressed as a Quaker, while it ends with someone dreaming about Daily Show reruns. In another scene, characters rearrange a decoration to make it resemble the cast of Seinfeld. During it, the title group cranks Barbra Streisand and attends Fiddler on the Roof.The basic point of this sketch is that “the streets are deserted,” so the title group controls the town. For 10 points, name this TV Funhouse sketch in which Darlene Love sings about the holiday activities of certain non-Christians.

ANSWER: “Christmastime for the Jews”

1. A member of this group writes the essay “No Gymnastics Island,” while another notes typographical errors in a book about Margaret Doublecracker landing on Giraffe Island. The most notable members of this group are Liam, who hates his stepfather, and Sam, who bizarrely always has his hands in two casts. These characters do little, but are frequently interrogated by the Will Forte played Mr. Dillon about their potential crimes. For 10 points, name this group of people who are usually seen in a classroom with a violent Kristen Wiig played youngster.

ANSWER: classmates of Gilly

1. In a scene in this sketch, a character looks at the camera and says “I’m trippin,’ too.” Characters in it attend the zoo and laugh at the things animals do. At the end, a character notes “you’re in New York now, baby.” A character offers to be someone’s Jim Caviezel and compares a man to a “very hairy Jake Gyllenhaal.” This short is best remembered for a sudden appearance by Adam Levine to sing the chorus. For 10 points, name this digital short about a man lusting after Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

ANSWER: “Iran So Far”

1. This product is opened shortly after a conversation about the ‘80s wanting their hair back. A character says there is always time for this product before a room explodes. In a sketch about an Italian Mafia hideout exploding, this is the only word spoken by the protagonist, annoying a Richard Dean Anderson played character. This is the only drink a character would “pour into his mouth hole,” and that man legally changes his name to a variant of it. For 10 points, name this drink, which becomes the corporate sponsor of MacGruber.

ANSWER: Pepsi

1. This character has one brown eye and one milky white eye. He wears two suits of clothes—one for winter, and one for funerals. Said to be a pile of sticks someone put an old coat on, he has a beard that covers various malformed patches. This character is the most eligible bachelor in Upper Cornholeshire and his traits are described by three excited sisters. For 10 points, name this title character of the “lost Jane Austen work,” although he is also a real character from Sense and Sensibility.

ANSWER: Mr. Willoughby

1. This man’s theme song proclaims “watch out, bad guys” and that he’s “kickin’ and a punchin.’” Bono says this man is way cooler than him, and he works out by standing on a treadmill in roller skates. He throws pennies out of the window to annoy Matt Lauer, and his morning routine involves standing outside 30 Rock until he is recognized, although in the sketch, someone confuses him for Stone Phillips. For 10 points, name this man, the host of NBC Nightly News.

ANSWER: Brian Williams

1. On this man’s first day on the job, he spells chili all over his shirt and is unable to find the bathroom. In a sketch focusing on him, a character says that she likes Obama because he’s Hawaiian to cover up saying the phrase “mama like.” This man is compared to Douglas Fairbanks at one point. He is dressed as a flapper when fantasized by Robert Byrd and as a construction worker when thought of by Barney Frank. For 10 points, name this Jon Hamm played man lusted after by various Democratic politicians, who is a former Massachusetts Senator.

ANSWER: Scott Brown

1. A short-lived member of this group proposes they change their names to get free donuts. In another sketch, they sing about rocking on SNL—Valentine’s Day—2009 in their song “Ask the Wizard.” This group acquired their powers from a wizard played by Bill Hader. In one sketch, Alec Baldwin is their fourth member, Gary, while in another, Andy Samberg discovers they are immortal after once performing as Property of the Queen in the 1980’s. For 10 points, name this musical group consisting of Kevin, Nick, and Joe.

ANSWER: The Jonas Brothers

1. At one point on this show, a character offers up the quote that something is “a lot of fun.” It featured someone offering a theory of what Best Buy plays on television to show how good the picture is. Contestants describe a reality show about sunglasses and a sexy doctor who can start fires with his mind. At the end of the episode we see, the Ashton Kutcher character correctly answers the title query by saying it takes place in Miami. For 10 points, name this fictional game show where people try to figure out what a certain USA Network show is about.

ANSWER: What Is Burn Notice?