The Numbers
Numbers
All that I ken of numbers I learnt afore the age of 10. 1st on an abacus it was taught me, the instrument propped on the lady schoolteacher’s desk. After, we progressed to numerals, copying the digits cannily on our slates with pieces of chalk, and rubbing at the answers with our sleeves if we made a miscalculation. The lot of us could fit on 2 benches at 1 time – wee 1s on 1 end, the seniors on the other. That’s how wee the school is. Addition, subtraction, division, multiplication; I was always fond of numbers.
When I was 9 I received a prize for recitation of the multiplication tables: a gilt-edged book donated by a religious mission on the mainland. Spiritual Salvation the book was called. They kent we were a godless folk, but it didn’t stop them trying. Faither placed the prize on the mantelshelf for safe keeping because we’d never had a book in the cottage afore and daren’t to dirty the pages of this 1 by handling it, but after some time the soot from the fireplace clouded the paper dust-jacket black, and the heat made the cover-boards curl. You could say it was a shame, but the truth is there are worse things have happened in this world.
There were some on the island who wondered what we might need numbers for. These were the 1s who had never learnt to work with them in their day. They could count on their fingers if they were lucky, and hadn’t ever felt lacking in their lives. They didn’t approve of filling our heads with a subject so vague-like as numbers. Not that they’d say this afore the lady schoolteacher, mind, because she hailed of good family from the mainland; and besides, the woman was so awfy bonnie. Miss Galbraith was what she called herself, while the rest of us favoured identification through our faithers. Peigi daughter of Finlay is what they call me, Peigi NicFionnlaigh. The women held their tongues in Miss Galbraith’s presence and tried to affect that they were gentlewomen, and the men kept quiet altogether, which is a rare thing, I can tell you, and I believe was because they felt themselves abashed, she being that upon which they found themselves hankering when they awoke all feverish from a particular type of night-dream. (I ken this to be true because my brother Iain told it to me when he was 14.)
Thus it continued that the lady schoolteacher would teach us numbers, and we’d learn them until we were 10 and it came time to leave the schoolhouse. And beyond that, apart from the odd occasion when you wanted to count out the eggs to bag up for the mainland, or read the clock perhaps, or work out how many ewes you’d lost in a sudden frost, you could say that numbers weren’t of much use to us. Not practically speaking, that is. Which means that in the eyes of many there’s little excuse for my fondness. Yet the way I view it, numbers lend a logic to the world. They explain things. Throw light upon problems and make you recognise truth. They can be a comfort.
Take, as example, the issue of marriage. There are 33 of us on the island, myself included. Of these, 6 are kin. Of the remaining 26 (I’ve subtracted myself), 10 are below the age of 15 and can thus be excluded. 8 remaining are male. 5 of these are wed already. 8 – 5 = 3. 3 unwed males above the age of 15, 1 of whom, it should be noted, is feeble-minded, 1 of whom is unreasonably ugly and kent for his crabbit temper, 1 of whom has been widowed already a good 4 decades, and all 3 of whom are owerly fond of whisky – although that last could be said of almost all the male folk on this island (some of the women folk, too), so perhaps shouldn’t be held against them. But you grant where the arithmetic is leading me?
Which is the beauty of numbers. They lay down the facts with such plainness and order you realise it’s simply not worth upsetting yourself ower. Even if the solution isn’t quite to your liking, in the end it is just a question of arithmetic. Simple arithmetic. Numbers.
And who would be foolish enough to rail against numbers?
Boots
When I was 7 and a G a team of men came to our island. They were from a place called Cambridge, they told us, which is in England. We kent about England from the geography instruction the lady schoolteacher had learnt us. We kent our country was divided into 4, and that England was down near the bottom and that they have such things as motorcars there, which are vehicles rather like a dray but which can move of their own accord.
These men wore their face hair clipped into neat shapes and had coloured belts of silk tied about their necks and spoke to 1 another in a language we couldn’t understand.
They walked across to the north side of the island and erected a wee canvas tent beside the blackened tarry limb that our men had uncovered some 2 seasons back while cutting peat, and left untouched out of deference to a body taken afore his time.
I have told you we are not a religious folk, and believe not in the existence of gods in the sky above, but there is not 1 child on this island who does not ken of the darksome boggarts who lie beneath us. They bide in the peat bogs, and are looking for any opportunity they can to lay their fingers upon life and pull it to the depths they do inhabit. They are clever, we are told, sleekit with it, and on foggy nights they have been kent to call in thin voices to those they wish to lure unto them. Men, walking home late of an evening, tight after a few drams of whisky, have heard the voices of young lassies calling to them from the fog. Tempting them with that which they desire. It takes a steely heart to walk by.
I once saw a bull that had stumbled into a bog. It was sunk neck-deep already by the time it was found, and was slipping deeper so very slowly it almost looked as if it wasn’t going anywhere. It took 8 men to haul the creature out, their ropes looped about his horns.
These men from England did not own the caution of our menfolk. They set about the peat with metal tools and scrapers and eventually were able to lift a body from the clutches of the dank soil once liquidy enough to drown this poor soul. We islanders were allowed to observe their prize. It looked asleep, its spine curved like the line of a ram’s horn and the knees pulled up against the chest. The skin was a horrid black-broon with a silver-grey shine to it, and drooped upon the bones beneath like the flesh of a fruit that has turned. The hair was red-broon, but without any shine, like a hank of wool afore it has been spun. Upon its feet remained a pair of leather boots, black-broon like the rest of the body.
I stood afore the trestle table and stared and stared. We had been instructed not to touch. The adults too, as if they were children needed learning. So I don’t ken what came ower me, but the truth is there are instances when you are propelled by possibilities you might ken are without reason. I moved my hand swiftly, as if it were a dare made to me by Iain or Mairead. As quickly again my faither slapped my hand away. ‘You think you’d like it?’ he scolded. ‘To be stared at like that? And then prodded by a horrid wee lassie?’ And he cuffed my ear sharply as if I deserved the blame for everyone’s curiosity.
Herrings
Each January sees the beginning of the herring season. Salt herring is what we eat most nights, alongside tatties, and is responsible, some say, for the stomach crampings so many of us suffer from. The drifters from the mainland ports return laden with catches of the fish that must be gutted and packed in barrels of salt for export.
If the north wind is not too squally, a boat is sent ower and us girls, or those that can be spared, go athwart to help with the gutting.
Ower a decade now I have been aiding at the gutting, and yet I still have not found my sea legs. I am afeared of the water, and confess the journey is a torment for me, with the boat tipping us this way and that, and myself praying my stomach shan’t pitch my breakfast porridge ower the edge.
Last year was no exception. I left the cottage afore sunrise, and walked 4 miles in lantern-light to reach the beachfront. I couldn’t help but count the steps down to the shore, and told myself that if the final tally was even, the journey athwart the water would not drown us. The final step was odd. But then I considered the return journey I would have to make that night, and agreed with myself that I could factor this into the sum, allowing me to multiply the number by 2. After that I felt much more at ease.
3 other girls were waiting already, their faces pinched against the cauld and drizzle, their shawls wrapped tightly around them. The bonnie sisters Anna and Caìtriona NicPhàdraig were there. And young Màiri, daughter of Alasdair the fiddler, who was joining us for her 1st gutting. Maureen NicAindreas, Domhnall MacAindreas’s feeble-minded sister, was absent. We all agreed this was for the best, considering the incident at the previous year’s gutting. It had been discomfiting for all involved. Besides, Maureen had been laid poorly for some time and we none of us had seen too much of her for a while.
We shared some pleasantries, and in the gloaming of the early dawn saw the rowboat coming towards us athwart the waves.
*
You will imagine my surprise when I found I recognised the fellow at the tiller. Willeam MacGhobain, who studied in the schoolhouse with me. I remembered him a bone-pale timid laddie, who caught the croup when he was 13 and was sent ower to his aunt on the mainland where he could be nursed in the hospital. A few of the other schoolchildren used to take a rise out of me on occasions, once or twice driving me into quite a temper, saying that Willeam held something of a fancy for me. But after leaving us, he never returned to the island, and I had not spared him too much thought in the years that had past.
With the oars in his gloved hands, he was still pale as I remembered him, but harsh winds and cauld weather had thickened his skin. He had a long sheepish face now, with yellow hair sticking which-way from his crown. Even his eyebrows and lashes were yellow. He lifted a hand to help each 1 of us into the boat, and as he took my own and looked up at me I saw recollection flash athwart his face. To my great shame, he blushed like a lassie.
I dipped my head as I took my seat and let go his hand quickly, but out of the corner of my eye I could see the red flushing at his cheekbones and creeping along the curlicues of his ears. ‘Why,’ I thought to myself, ‘he is just as foolish as ever he was.’
‘Willeam MacGhobain?’ I said to him, hoping the other girls had paid no heed to his colouring. ‘It is a full 14 years since we saw each other last, is it not?’ Which meant that I had not kent him for 1 full year longer than I had kent him, so really I did not ken him very well at all.
The others in the boat were a good deal younger than us, and thus had never afore seen Willeam in their lives, but we 2 spoke as he pulled us athwart the grey water.
‘You are not married?’ he asked, for married women do not so normally go athwart to the gutting.
I replied that I was quite content as I was, and very busy with it. My faither would surely not get by without me now our mother was gone. I explained that Iain had taken ower the croft, and had a cottage nearby with his wife and their 3 young 1s.
‘And you had a sister,’ he said.
‘We lost Mairead,’ I told him, but did not feel able to say more on that matter. Besides, the wind was up, and the tipping of the boat was rather beginning to affect me. I took a deep breath to steady my wits, and as solace reminded myself that the number of steps had come out even. Then I counted 8 a few times in my head, for good measure. Anna and Caìtriona were singing – a hearty sea ballad – and I wondered how they could manage it. ‘You must have a wife and family, no doubt,’ I ventured, so he wouldn’t think me snubbing him, ‘ower on the mainland?’
Now it was his turn to look away, and for the wind I barely heard him tell me that his wife had passed.
He came at the end of the day and took us home. ‘You will come again tomorrow, Peigi NicFionnlaigh?’
‘I daresay,’ I told him. ‘And you will row the boat, Willeam MacGhobain?’
‘I daresay,’ he replied with a smile.
I tried not to think about that smile on my walk home. The fog had crawled in, and the path was hard to see, even in the light of my lantern. It is dangerous to let your concentration slip on such a night. But I found my mind turning ower the things that he had told me, and imagining his life on the mainland, living in that tall brick house with his 2 wee motherless bairns and his maiden aunt who was suffering so now from arthritis.
So occupied was my mind, I almost didn’t hear the voice in the fog.
At 1st I thought it a wee beastie. A lamb that had got lost, perhaps, and was greiting for its mammy. But it wasn’t the lambing season. I held up my lantern in the rainy mist and listened. I ventured the sound could be far off perhaps, carried on the fingers of the wind. There was naught to be seen beyond the yellow halo the fog made about my lantern. Again came the sound. A thin, eerie wail. A chill shivered through my bones and my breath quite stopped.
I listened, and now I could hear nothing beside the wind howling athwart the treeless land. ‘You’re letting your foolish imagination carry you away, Peigi daughter of Finlay,’ I told myself sharply, and turning back to the path took a few hurried steps, wanting to be home and in the warm, cooking up the herrings in my bag for Faither. But then it came again. Closer this time it seemed, or louder at least. A sound quite aching with loneliness.
My feet halted. ‘You silly creature, ignore it,’ I said out loud. ‘It is nothing but the call of the darksome boggarts trying to trick you. Walk on. Walk on, you foolish girl!’ But my heart would not allow it. The thin cry I heard in the darkness touched a deep and trembly chord inside me, and against all sense and reason I could nay ignore it.
Each step I took from the path was made cannily, 1 toe feeling ahead to confirm solid ground, and betwixt each step I paused to listen for the sound. Sometimes, it seemed louder, at others it would hush completely. ‘Helloo?’ I called into the night. ‘Be anyone there?’ But the wind seemed to carry my words instantly up and away into the dark sky.
I had taken 8 paces 3 times ower into a fog that closed behind me with each step I took, and kent that the further I went, the harder it would be to find my way back. I confess I was just about to gather my senses and turn around again when I saw in the lantern light a dim pale shape on the ground before me. Silly thing that I am, it made me leap. I thought it perhaps a wraith, crouching before it jumped at me, but the shape did not move. I daresay I have never felt so afeared in my life. But I had come this far, and kent I could nay turn back. I knelt carefully, set my lantern upon the gorse, and inched my hand forwards through the dense fog. What my cauld fingers touched was a rough woollen blanket, the oldest blanket you could imagine. All torn and dirtied and studded with burrs as if it had lined a cowshed. I pulled back 1 corner and that which I found made me gasp.
This was no spectre beneath my fingertips. No darksome boggart. No wraith. This was flesh and blood.
Disturbed by the icy draft, the wee infant began again at its greiting.
Potatoes
When my grandmother was a wee lassie, a blight turned the potatoes soft. She could recall helping her parents to pull them from the earth. Tattie after tattie, each 1 shrivelly and threaded with rot. They sorted through them to see if any could be salvaged, then collected the rest into a pile in 1 corner of the croft and left them there. Her parents talked of quitting the island, of taking a boat as others were doing far athwart the seas to a land called Canadia. But our family have lived on this island for generations, and my grandmother’s elders were not certain they could conceive of a life beyond it.