College Admissions: Mining Identity for College Essays, Personal Statements

College Admissions: Mining Identity for College Essays, Personal Statements

Events in a College Essay

The events of your life-big and small, successes and failures-shape you as an individual. "Tell me about an event" or "describe an experience" means "tell me a story," which is what you will want to do in any personal essay. Storytelling needs to be lively and entertaining. Think about the kinds of details and enthusiasmyou provide when you tell your friends a story at the lunch table-you tell what the people in the story say; you dramatize events; you bring colors, sounds and smells to life; you transport your listener to the experience and show what it was like. You will have to conjure up these kinds of details for your essay as well, so pick an event or two and start jotting.

Which experience to pick? Looking at a few colleges' essay questions may knock some ideas loose in your head (emphases added):

• The Common Application asks you to: "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, or risk you have taken, or an ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you."
• Penn's application says, "First experiences can be defining. Cite a first experience that you have had and explain its impact on you."
• USC instructs: "Tell us a story about yourself that will help us to know you better. Illustrate one or more themes, events, or individuals that have helped shape you. Be clear and forceful."
• Stanford suggests that the applicant "Attach a small photograph of something important to you and explain its significance."

Your experience does not have to be massively life-altering (not all of us have huge turning points in our lives), but can be one of the many little events in our lives that make us see ourselves and the world a bit differently. The time your classmates offered you a stolen test and you refused it. Seeing the ocean for the first time at age 15. Learning to drive or ski or swim. Notice, too, that all of the essay questions ask you both to tell the story of an experience and also to reflect on the significance or impact of the event.

Photograph Exploration
Stanford's photograph essay question is a great exercise that can force you to focus on small details. After examining the photo, write down in your journal what you look like-what you are wearing, the details of your facial expression, hair, eyes, mouth, arms, legs. Describe who else is in the photo. What is the setting? What is happening around you? Note colors, sounds, and motions that are captured in that still moment. What is the mood and what emotions do you see in yours and others' faces? What was happening in your life, your family's life, the nation and the world at the time of the photo? You can use the same laser beam eye to explore not only this photo but also other significant experiences in your life.

Passions in a College Essay

Your passion for certain causes or issues, as well as your hobbies or interests, show who you are. How do you spend your free time? What excites you? Concerns you? Enrages you? What have you done to translate this passion into action? There was a student whose concern over the Middle East conflict led him to distribute to all of his classmates bracelets commemorating those who have died in the conflict. His essay on the topic worked because his passion led him to action, and his writing conveyed his passion. Another student explored how his childhood Lego hobby was a springboard to his building robots in national competitions. One young woman’s frustration over male-female relations in her school led her to start a Gender Issues discussion group. I know people who could write fascinating essays on their obsession with beads, their rock collection, or bike riding. Perhaps you think it's less-than-admirable to say that you spend every Saturday afternoon watching classic movies, but if you can intelligently reflect on why you love old movies and what it shows about you, it could be a worthwhile topic.

People in a College Essay

Begin by listing people in your life who have nurtured your identity. In addition to your family members, you may list instructors, coaches, teachers, or neighbors. After you make a list, decide which person or people you could write about most engagingly. Some applications ask you to write about a person; some just leave the door open for you by telling you to explore a topic of choice. The Common Application, for instance, suggests that you "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe the influence."

You might begin your exploration by reflecting on your family and how it has affected who you have become. Focus on the details of one or two members of your family-their appearance, their habits, their activities, and their interactions with you. Think of a story that encapsulates a relationship. Consider exploring your family's cultural heritage, traditions, or foods. Bring the people you depict to life-give them color, personality, a voice. Provide anecdotes about these family members or other important people in your life.

Places in a College Essay

Perhaps a place has gotten under your skin because you've spent so much time there. Perhaps you've worked on your grandfather's farm in Wisconsin each summer since you were ten. Perhaps you attend a school unlike most schools in the nation, one in an unusual setting or with an unusual philosophy. Perhaps you spent a semester on sabbatical with your parents in Zimbabwe, and once you came back, everything looked different. Place can be a character, and you can tell a vivid story about how it helped shape you.

Religion in a College Essay

For some people, religion is integral to their lives and identities. Even so, you may consider religion a "touchy" subject. You may fear that the reader won't like your religion. Don't let that stop you if you have honest stories and reflections to relate. Consider writing a personal statement that reveals your thoughts about religion through a vivid story or series of anecdotes.

You care about your essay because it will help you get in to Wonderful U. Fair enough. But you can also gain a bonus along the way (self-realization) as you step across the threshold from childhood to adulthood. A sense of who you are and what made you that way as you go out into the wider world. Happy digging.

Ten Tips for Better Writing

1. Express yourself in positive language. Say what is, not what is not.

2. Use transitions between paragraphs. Transitions tie one paragraph to the next.

• A transition can be a word, like later, furthermore, additionally, or moreover; a phrase like After this incident...; or an entire sentence.
• If you are writing about Topic A and now want to discuss Topic B, you can begin the new paragraph with a transition such as "Like (or unlike) Topic A, Topic B..."

3. Vary your sentence structure. It's boring to see subject, verb, object all the time. Mix simple, complex, and compound sentences.

4. Understand the words you write. You write to communicate, not to impress the admissions staff with your vocabulary. When you choose a word that means something other than what you intend, you neither communicate nor impress. You convey the wrong message and may convince the admissions officer that you are inarticulate.

5. Look up synonyms in a thesaurus when you use the same word repeatedly. After the DELETE key, the thesaurus is your best friend. As long as you follow Tip 4, using one will make your writing more interesting.

6.Be succinct. Compare:

• During tenth and eleventh grades, there was significant development of my maturity and markedly improved self-discipline towards homework.

• During my sophomore and junior years, I matured and my self-discipline improved tremendously.

The first example takes many more words to give the same information. The admissions officers are swamped; they do not want to spend more time than necessary reading your essay. Say what you have to say in as few words as possible. Tips 7, 8, and 9 will help you to implement this suggestion.

7. Make every word count. Do not repeat yourself. Each sentence and every word should state something new.

8. Avoid qualifiers such as rather, quite, somewhat, probably, possibly, etc.

• You might improve your writing somewhat if you sometimes try to follow this suggestion.

The example contains nonsense. Deleting unnecessary qualifiers will strengthen your writing 1000%. Equivocating reveals a lack of confidence. If you do not believe what you write, why should the admissions officer?

9. Use the active voice. Compare:

• The application was sent by the student. (Passive voice)
• The student sent the application. (Active voice)

They both communicate the same information. The active voice, however, is more concise. The passive voice is wordier and frequently less clear.

10. Read and reread Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr. and E.B. White. Containing basic rules of grammar, punctuation, composition, and style, this indispensable classic is available in paperback and is only eighty-five pages long.