Bailey 1
Christin Bailey
Psychology 1100-048
My Teenage Pregnancy
When I was seventeen, I heard the words that no teenage girl wants or is prepared to hear: “You’re pregnant.” These words were powerful and I knew that they would change my life forever. I knew that being a mother wouldn’t be easy, but through the help of supportive family members and a wonderful boyfriend, I was able to quickly settle into adulthood and I become a good young mother.
When I found out I was pregnant, I lived with my dad, my stepmom, two of my six biological siblings, and three step-siblings. My parents had divorced seven years prior, while we were living in New Mexico. My mom left her marriage and her kids behind. My two oldest siblings were married and lived out of state, and another was preparing to leave for Utah to attend college. That left my older brother, me, and my little sister at home with my dad. A year after the divorce, my dad started dating. When I was twelve we moved up to Utah (where the woman lived) and she and my dad were married.
My new life was incredibly stressful and had a negative effect on me. According to our textbook, “Multiple, dramatic transitions affect children the most. Such instability occurs when parents divorce or remarry...Stresses accumulate.” (Berger249). To add to the situation, my step-mom already had three children of her own, so we became a blended family. She didn’t want the new family merge to upset her kids, so she separated our lives as much as possible. While her kids kept their own rooms in the house, my little sister and I shared a bedroom and a bed while my brother slept on the couch in the living room. I never formed a healthy relationship with my step-mom or her children, and for years I felt neglected by my father. Our textbook says, “The likelihood that children will thrive in blended families depends largely on the adults’ economic and emotional security. Blended families are not necessarily better for children than are single-parent families, since emotional instability and added stress may outweigh the financial benefits” (Berger 285). Even though my dad was financially stable and provided all of my basic physical needs, I never felt that my emotional needs were met.
Right before my senior year of high school, I met Ryan. He was smart, good looking, funny, and treated me like a princess. He fulfilled all of my emotional needs. We dated for a few months and spent all of our free time together. We first had sex in December. We didn’t use protection. I knew the risk of having unprotected sex, but I didn’t think “it” (as in anything bad) would happen to me. I knew how to prevent pregnancy, but when I was in intense emotion the logical part of my brain “shut down”. It was easier to put on a “hypothetical condom” than put on a real one when the situation arose (Berger 354-25). A few weeks later, I wrote in my journal: “Ryan and I both feel bad about what’s been happening, so I went to my dad and told him. He told me I can’t see Ryan as much anymore” (Bailey). Reading back through that journal entry makes me a little bit angry with my dad. While I realize the need to take full responsibility for my actions, my dad didn’t offer me any more attention or support other than to forbid me from spending so much time with Ryan. The issue of birth control or contraceptives was also never brought up. I felt brushed aside and abandoned by my father, once again.
Despite my Dad’s warning, Ryan and I continued to date and spent more time together. He gave me the attention that I felt like I wasn’t getting from my dad. We started being intimate again. InMarch we found out that I was pregnant. I was incredibly embarrassed and scared. From the minute we heard the news, Ryan offered to stay with me andhelp me parent. We loved each other deeply, and he proposed in April. We both felt that it would be the best situation for us and for our child. We decided to wait until after I graduated to get married. Ryan had graduated from high school the year before and I was going to graduate in June.
I felt incredibly lucky that I was able to graduate from high school at all. It was hard to go to school when I was having bouts of morning sickness and exhaustion. I was always on the honor roll in high school, but those last few months my grades plummeted. But I was able to passand graduate. I knew that teenage pregnancy and birth were big reasons that some girls didn’t finish high school. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Only 50% of teen mothers receive a high school diploma by age 22, verses nearly 90% of women who had not given birth during adolescence” (About Teen Pregnancy). If I were any farther than a few months away from graduating, I don’t think I would have made it.
We were married one week after graduation. We kept the wedding a secret because I didn’t want anyone to know that I was pregnant. I even kept it a secret from my very best friends. In my journal I wrote, “I kept it a secret from everybody at school and in the ward. It was an embarrassing secret to have to keep. I kept it so well that most people didn’t find out until it was announced in church the next week. I felt bad deceiving my friends, but my reputation at school would’ve been absolutely ruined” (Bailey). In the end, it didn’t really matter that I was so worried about those friends. Friendships I had were dissolved when I was forced to grow up and learn how to be a mother and a wife.
I babysat a lot during my early years in high school, but I didn’t fully understand everything involved in raising a child. Not many teenage parents do. In one study, I recently found that teenage mothers use the television as a babysitter, they don’t engage the baby in play, and they may use “inappropriate toys and inadequate guidance” (Turbak). I was aware of all the other negative statistics that came with being a teen mom, including poverty, depression, and having more pregnancies right away. But with the help of family and friends and the community, it is possible for young mothers to overcome these problems and grow to be successful parents and live successful lives (Turbak). James Kavanagh, MD, the deputy director of the Center for Research for Mothers and Children, said “It isn’t always true that a baby’s life will be vastly different because his mother was fifteen or sixteen when he was born. The community’s attitude toward the baby and the mother can be just as important as the girl’s age” (Turbak). I knew that I didn’t want to be one of those previously mentioned negative statistics. Luckily, we had an incredible source of support to draw from.
We were able to receive financial support from my husband’s family for the first year of our marriage. They turned their basement into a two bedroom apartment so we would have somewhere to stay while we worked to save up money to care for ourselves and the baby. They helped us buy diapers and other necessities for the first few months after our baby was born. Without their help, we wouldn’t have had a place to live or any way to feed ourselves. Living with them also helped in taking care of the new baby. His parents were there when we needed them, but let us parent on our own. In chapter ten of our textbook it states, “A study of pregnant adolescents in the United States found that many (though not all) fared best if parents were supportive but did not take over the care of the child” (Berger 356). By helping when we needed them but not taking over, his parents allowed us to gain confidence as parents.
After I got pregnant, my older siblings became a huge support and example, especially my two older sisters. They had both been married themselves for a few years and each had recently had their first child. Their kids, my niece and nephew, were born within one month of each other, and ended up being one year older than my daughter. Having my sisters in my life and watching them be good mothers helped show me how to correctly parent my own child. We became the best of friends and they gave me great parenting and marriage advice. My husband was also a huge support. He stood by me and loved me and our baby. He worked hard to provide for us and make us happy. I know that having him around put me in a much better situation than most unmarried teen moms. I’m also happy to say that after I moved out of his house, my dad and I were able to work out our differences and now we have a good relationship. He continues to be a big part of my life.
Becoming a young mother and wife was scary and overwhelming at first. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. It was a really hard road. It made me grow up quickly and before I was ready. But as a whole, it was a very positive, character building experience. I learned the value of life and responsibility while I cared for my new baby. Being a mother gave me a purpose and drive in life that I didn’t have before getting pregnant, because I wanted my daughter to be proud to have me as a mother. Being a teenage mother didn’t ruin my life. Instead it shaped me into the mature and well-rounded person that I am today.
Works Cited
"About Teen Pregnancy."Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. N.p., 21
Apr 2011. Web. 10 Oct 2011. <
Bailey, Christin. Personal Journal.
Berger, Kathleen.Invitation to the Life Span. 3rd ed. New York, NY: Worth
Publishers, 2010. Print.
Turbak, Gary."When Children Have Children."Kiwanis Magazine.May
1991:20+.SIRS Issues Researcher.Web.10 Oct 2011.