Chapter Twenty-Eight
Gretchen’s Mastery
Amazingly, old Gretchen sprinted along as if some invisible cord was pulling her. “Do you take vitamins, Gretchen?”Jeff managed to wheeze when he caught up to her, but she looked at me in disbelief like he was the biggest fool in the world. Suddenly, a feeling of anger arose in Jeff’s stomach and he became aware of pain. “Well, I have blisters on my feet and want to apply some Band Aids!”
Jeff sat on a rock that was somewhat level and unzipped a small compartment in his backpack. While taking the Band-Aids out, he felt ridiculous for being the one who needed aid, but didn’t care anymore. After applying a few Band-Aids to each foot and putting on another pair of socks, he felt much better and got up to continue the hike.
Jeff hoped that no one noticed that he was wearing Sponge Bob Square Pants Band-Aids; they were the only ones at the store when he stopped to pick some up. He had Patrick Star on his left toe, Mr. Crabs on his left ankle, Mrs. Puff on his right ankle, and Sqidward each big toe. There was a box of Spider Man and another of Courage the Cowardly Dog, but someone had removed several from each of the boxes, and Jeff was not about to pay premium prices for half a box of Band-Aids. Gretchen said, “Poor Jeff’s been through a livin’ hell today,” and they all burst out laughing.Jeff tried his best to keep up with them but lagged a little behind.
About another two hours passed and Jeff thought, “Want am I doing...walking around in the desert with a bunch of strangers...who don’t need sunglasses in the bright sun?” He took out a Kleenex and wiped his brow as we wondered, “How many other people did they do this to, and what has become of them?”
Jeff stumbled a few feet forward as he tripped over an embedded stone and thought to himself, “Why aren’t I relaxing by some nice pool with a bunch of surfer girls and collecting autographs from hot looking Hollywood movie stars, instead of getting blisters and being laughed at by a bunch of nuts? What are they going to do next? Kill and eat me?”
Suddenly, Goldensparrow whizzed around and yelled in Jeff’s face defiantly, “If you’re gonna see somethin’ new, you’re gonna have to shut the hell up!”Jeff was stunned, “What are you talking about? I didn’t say anything!” Goldensparrow looked at Jeff in a way, which made him feel completely paranoid, “The mind out in this wilderness is like a radio station. Out in the desert, we all got built-in receivers and are picking up your stupid channel. Turn it off!”Jeff gasped as he thought to himself, “My God! Damn mind readers! I’ve got to get out of here!” Gretchen cackled, “Ain’t no use tryin’ to run away, sweetie…and we know you were planning to eat all the apples too!”
Everyone cracked up laughing as though it was great fun. They even looked at Jeff as if he should be enjoying the joke on himself and be a good sport, but he could have died of embarrassment. About five minutes earlier, he was entertaining the fantasy of finding a shady place to sit down and eat all of the apples by himself and then take a nap. What’s worse, he had thought other things too...Jeff’s mind searched like crazy for all the horribly secret things he had thought about these people in the last three hours.
Out in that warm, arid desert, amidst the fragrance of wild cactus flowers and blooming prairie brush, Jeff’s mind entertained itself by wondering if old Gretchen had a thing for Bear, and he even allowed himself to wonder if Goldensparrow could still do it.
It wasn’t that these thoughts occupied Jeff’s mind constantly. They were only passing thoughts...like many thoughts...just as thousands of thoughts come and go in the mind without a particular author. It is as if collective society had selected such thoughts for humanity to think, on occasion. And because such thoughts are collective by nature, they are more easily discerned than those that are originally premeditated...as it were. Regardless, hence foreword, Jeff’s mind cringed afresh with every step he took.
The group walked until the sun started so set and then sat in a cleared area. Bear took Jeff’s backpack, removed the apples and passed around some water. Goldensparrow motioned with gestures for everyone to form a half-moon circle and face the sun as it went down.
It was then that Jeff realized that no one had spoken for over two hours. They ate the apples and drank the water in complete silence. Everyone sat very straight and peered into the setting sun.Jeff tried not to fidget, but could not imitate stone like his new friends could. After the day’s hike, he felt more like a jellyfish and wanted to flop for a while. However, he wanted to be part of the group and tried very hard to emulate them as much as humanly possible.
It was finally dark and the stars were becoming more visible. It was obvious to Jeff that his new friends had no idea about camping because a fire should be made, but nobody gathered firewood. It was starting to become a little chilly, so Jeff his sleeping bag, got in it and was about to say, “You guys can do whatever you want, but I’m going to get warm.” However, no sooner did Jeff open his mouth when Goldensparrow gave him such a fierce look that he knew not to say a word. Goldensparrow’s eyes shone in the darkness like the eyes of an animal and this scared Jeff.
For about forty minutes Jeff lay there motionless and noticed how visible everything had become with the moon, which was almost full and just beginning to ascend. The entire desert appeared luminescent. Suddenly, his feeling of peace was turned into fear when the sound of a twig snapped no more than twelve feet from where he lay.Jeff was so still he was hardly breathing and then another twig snapped about four feet from him. He thought, “Is it a rattle snake or something else?”
Jeff’s mind then pictured a coyote and anticipated Bear shooting it with a gun. Suddenly, however, Jeff remembered that Bear didn’t bring the gun from the car and nobody seemed to care that something was almost upon him!
Jeff couldn’t stand it anymore and took the biggest breath of air possible in order to scream. He was already zipped into his sleeping bag and didn’t have time to unzip. It all happened too quickly. Just as Jeff was about to scream, however, Gretchen sprang across his sleeping bag and pounced on a wild cat that appeared to be about seventy pounds.
Gretchen made weird sounds like a bird or a snake and wrestled with the cat with her bare hands!Jeff looked at Bear for him to help her, but he just looked on as if he were watching a football game on TV! To Jeff’s amazement, Gretchen pinned the animal down like a pro-wrestler! The cat turned his head one way and then the other, but he was completely pinned.
With her chin resting on one side of the cat’s head, she hummed a strange tune into its ear. Her voice was soft, low and melodious, and after about two minutes, it sounded like the cat was purring!
Gretchen deftly stood on her feet in one swift movement, and then the cat sprang up, ran several feet, turned and looked at us, and ran up a small cliff about fifty feet away. In three successive leaps, he was at the top and perched himself with his fore paw hanging over the ledge. It sounded like the entire canyon was purring!
“Wow!”Jeff exclaimed. “Shush!” came several voices. Then, one by one, they began to hum a low soft tune together, but nobody was humming the same thing.Jeff was ashamed to write this in his scientific journal, but instead of observing more scientific data, he fell asleep.
However, after this experience, Jeff could feel himself changing inside. He thought, “What is my purpose in life? Do I really know anything? What is the meaning of any world?” Jeff never made it to Hollywood.