Goodrich/ Sordid Secrets/ Chapter 45/ Page 6
Chapter Forty Five
Without looking up to the offering hand, Colin took a glass of bourbon and ice from Marcus and pressed it to his swollen face. His head was splitting, though his heart held the bulk of his body’s pain. His thoughts raced along with an incessant thumping inside of his aching head. How could he let this happen? Colin had been with many women, though the consequences of a child had never entered his thoughts. Not that Nic fit in his mind with those women from his past. Nic was unique. She was a magnet holding him to the ground—making him want to continue on despite the insanity swirling around him. Perhaps losing her was fate or perhaps it was the punishment he deserved. Colin chose to believe the former of those choices, though his father would probably side with the latter.
Colin rolled the glass down the side of his cheek, until it reached his lips. Finishing the strong liquid without pause, he handed the glass back to Marc for another turn from the decanter. Without comment or question, Marcus refilled his friend’s glass and returned it to Colin’s shaking hands. The close friends had yet to speak or even look each other in the eye. Nonetheless compared to Marcus’ blow, the shock of Nicolette’s secret was far superior.
Moving behind Colin to ring a servant for a new decanter from the cellar, Marcus finally broke their silence. “You deserve more than a swollen face.”
“I know.”
“Don’t trouble yourself. Sara will find her for you… you know how relentless she is.” Marc’s hand kindly grasped his shoulder, ending Colin’s distant stares at the floor of Kenton Park’s library.
“I should have realized it.” Colin fell back against the softness of his oversized chair. Nicolette’s face kept returning into his thoughts. He had never seen her so upset but still controlled—as if she had a purpose for her anger. Colin could pinpoint the moment he broke her will to be honest with him. The point when he laid the final blow that broke her heart. Yes, Nicolette had broken his heart first, but that was because she thought then and still thought now that he was being unfaithful. Slapping his palm against the leather arm of the chair, Colin pushed each of his words to Marcus. “Nicolette’s actions were unpredictable even for her. She held no control over her emotions, as if something else was pushing her. Moreover, there was constantly a hint that she had something more to tell me.”
Marc crossed in front of him and fell into the chair opposite of Colin, as he reasonably said, “You couldn’t possible have known that it was a baby.”
“I was so angry with her, that even if she had told me, I wouldn’t have accepted it. For I refused to believe anything from her.”
“It grieved me this evening to see Nicolette hurt and to finally realize that you could give up loving her.”
“Give up?” Colin flew forward, nearly leaping from his seat in alarm. “I shall love Nicolette for the rest of my days. Marcus, I thought that she could never be content with me… not with the life I’ve led or the fallout from our secret ever getting out. For heaven’s sake, I’m an Avenry! I thought that I was finally being strong and letting her remain from me. That I was giving her a chance to finally live a real life... I have and always will want Nicolette… and now there’s a child.”
Colin suddenly broke from his fervent declaration and again fell back into his chair. He was weary of strength and tired of fighting himself. Colin knew he alone was to blame for forcing Nicolette from his life, though he never wanted her to believe he didn’t love her. They just couldn’t live in each other’s worlds. Colin felt as if he had to free her from his heart, it was the only way to save her from becoming someone else, someone like Tessa.
Marc’s words pushed over his thoughts, “I can’t believe it. I never expected you to become a father.”
“I never did either, until I met Nicolette. I want this child so much, Marcus.” Slowly creeping from his seat to the library window, Colin’s uninhibited feelings poured through his lips. “I want a son, a boy I can teach and love the way my father never showed me. I would direct him to not make any of the same mistakes as I. But any mistake he did make would never sever my love. Most of all, he would know how to follow his own path.”
“And what if you have a girl?”
“A girl… then I’ll love her even more. I would want to shelter her always from all of society and its corruption, though it seems impossible. Therefore, I pray she would be as her mother in spirit and strength. With a daughter, I would forewarn her of men who would hurt or abandon her. Men who only care for themselves and not for her… as once I treated her mother.”
“Colin—”
Breaking Marc and Colin from their somber dialogue, Lady Sara entered the library in all haste. She was still wearing her navy riding cloak, the hood littered with raindrops and the base of the hem six inches deep in mud. She must have searched beyond simply the next estate for Nicolette. Silently greeting their news bearer, the two gentlemen immediately rose, but Colin then dashed to her, pleading, “where is she?”
“Have a seat, Colin.” Sara pressed him back to his chair, though he didn’t adhere to her demand.
“Sara, I—”
“First sit, for we must try to keep all composure.” She tensely demanded of both of the anxious gentlemen. Removing her cloak and handing it to the footman in the door, she seemed to be waiting for the three of them to be alone. Running her hands through her damp blond hair, her nerves seemed to be overtaking any normal composure she usually held. Once they both complied to her demand while the footman closed the library doors behind them, she finally continued. “I regret to inform you, Colin, but I don’t think that Nicolette is in Kent any longer.”
“So quickly?” Colin’s vast blue eyes darted about the room searching for any answer to ease him. “Where is she?”
Sara sat across from her wounded friend and began to quickly remove the last of her outerwear—her gloves. Once bare, her tiny hands drew Colin’s hands into hers. Trying to console him upon her discouraging news, Sara said. “Nicolette’s brother was with her at Stonefield. Upon her return from Kenton Park, he whisked her away to an undisclosed location.”
“Alexander was at Stonefield?”
“No, it was her other brother, Asher. He is apparently a master at this sort of immediate travel and had her away from Stonefield in less than a half an hour. Asher Noble refused to leave any word to where he was taking her. I don’t know for sure, but I have a good idea to where they fled.”
“To the Earl.” Marc chimed in from behind the pair.
“Considering her state of mind, that is my guess.” Sara’s round, blue eyes narrowed in a glare towards Colin.
“No, Asher Noble could have taken her anywhere. I have heard that he owns a fleet of ships. I should send scouts to the docks. I can’t let him take her from the country or I may never see her or my child again.” Colin quickly said, panicking. He looked up from his rant and suddenly noticed Sara’s fierce stare, Colin demanded. “Speak your thoughts, Sara.”
“I think you’re an imbecile!” Her hands abruptly withdrew from his grasp, as she ranted. “Only you could force such powerful love to turn awry.”
Marcus trudged around the grouping of wing-backed chairs, until he could reach his younger sister. Pressing her shoulders back, he reprimanded. “Enough Sara!”
“Sara has a right to speak her mind.” Colin’s hand drew into the air to silence his friend. Turning back to her, Colin insisted, “if you are right, Sara, do you think she will marry the Earl straight away?”
“I am not sure. Could the Earl have her though she is carrying another man’s child? She alluded to Marcus that he would, but that seems extraordinary to me. He is an Earl after all.” Sara restored her friendly grasp to Colin as she admitted. “Though even if she does marry the Earl, Nicolette knows that the match is a huge mistake.”
“Why?”
“Because Nicolette is in love with you.”
Through gritted teeth, Colin vehemently claimed, “Then I must find her. No matter where she’s gone.”