CCNSolutions—Living under the Law, 2: Rush to JudgmentPage 1
CCN WEEKLY SOLUTIONS SERIES
THE WEEK OF FEBRUARY 2, 2009
Living Under the Law, 2:
Rush to Judgment
Featuring
Dr. John Townsend
Psychologist
Best-selling co-author of Boundaries series,
author of How People Grow
I. Judgment in a relationship
Learn how to deal with a tendency to judge
Judgment: “I will now order you to do the right thing”
God is the judge
One definition of judge: ‘to condemn’
The power of the condemnation: it can sink deep
Three basic reasons why people judge:
- It’s a lesson: “you’ve hurt me, so I’ll hurt you”
The antidote is more grace: be vulnerable—“Ouch”
- Fear of being contaminated
Trust the boundaries and the grace
- We judge because we judge
Do the scan
II. Learn how to judge
Judgment is also evaluation
Character discernments and understandings
Evaluating yourself helps you think and grow
We’re supposed to give each other feedback
Neutral feedback: not attacking, but vulnerable
III. Goals in relationship
Three goals:
- To reestablish love/connection
- To solve a problem
- For growth
Always ask: “Is what I’m going to say dedicated to one of these goals?”
If you rush to judgment, you may be putting some hurt in you on the other
Judging is kind of fun —but that’s a short-term result
Think long-term: adrenaline pop or connection, intimacy, growth?
Bleed off the raw stuff somewhere else
IV. Skills for a loving and truthful relationship
- Create a culture where questions are okay
There’s information we need from each other
- Stay on track
Watch out for the persecutory defense
- Don’t judge deception, but don’t continue
Once deception’s in the relationship, you’ve lost it
- When you hit emotion, be tender
It’s a sign that someone’s hurt—and safe enough with you to feel emotions
It brings gratitude and moving-toward
Small Group Discussion Questions
Rush to Judgment
1. Have you ever been judged wrongly in a relationship? What was that like for you?
2. Have you ever rushed to judgment yourself, and how did that affect the relationship?
3. What is the goal of healthy, evaluative judgment?
4. How can you create a culture in your relationship that questions are OK?
Next week on Solutions:
“Living Under the Law, 3: Accused!”
Resources
How to Have That Difficult Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding
by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
Loving People
by Dr. John Townsend
Sponsored In Part By:
New Life Ministries is a fully-equipped resource for the treatment of mental and spiritual health issues.
Contact Information
Visit CCN on the web at
CCNSolutions—Living under the Law, 2: Rush to JudgmentPage 1
Dr. John Townsend
Cloud-Townsend Resources
18092 Sky Park South, Suite A
Irvine, CA 92614
Phone: 800-676-4673
Web:
Church Communication Network
PO Box 1718
Mountain View, CA 94042
Phone: 800-321-6781
Fax: 650-745-0660
Email:
Web:
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