First Comes Love: College Students & Relationships– Class #2
Chastity and Intimacy as Keys for Success in Any Relationship
Marcel LeJeune
What is not working in your life right now? -Relationships is the #1 answer
Why do we mess up relationships so much? 5 reasons (note - there are many more than 5):
1 – Because we are human and mess up
2 – Because we don’t understand what they are for – What is the purpose to relationships?
3 – Because we don’t understand what part chastity and intimacy play in relationships
4 – Because we have absorbed the cultures idea of relationships
5 – Because we have no sense of mission in our lives and have lost joy.
-Chastity = A Virtue to help us properly order our sexual lives.
-All relationships are called to chastity.
-non-married relationships - Friendships / dating / engagement – chaste celibacy
-Marriage – chastity even when sexually active (not “anything goes”)
-Many believe that it is okay to have sex if you are in love
-The problem lies in the meaning of “love”.
-How did we define true love?
-Choosing what is best for another regardless of the cost to yourself.
-Ask yourself - Is premarital sex a true loving act?
-Risk Pregnancy & STDs.
-Risk Emotional pain and problems in future relationships (including marriage).
-Definite Spiritual consequences.
-True love does not even take the risk of harming someone they love.
“whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life” - Galatians 6:8-9
-Intimacy = closeness shared in a relationship with another.
-Kinds of Intimacy:
-Physical Intimacy – Touch / Affection / Sex
-Emotional and Mental Intimacy – Feelings / Thoughts / Conversation
-Spiritual intimacy – Prayer / Joint Friendship with God
-Things that build intimacy:
-Personal connection (unspoken)-Attracted physically to one another
-Friendship-Conversation
-Romance-Shared experiences / time spent together
-Touch / Affection-Shared Prayer
-Sex
Chain of Intimacy:
-Intimacy in acquaintance
-Intimacy in friendship
-Intimacy in dating
-Intimacy in engagement
-Intimacy in marriage
-Don't use the word “love” unless you desire permanence.
-So what did Adam lack before Eve? Why was it not good for him to be alone?
-Adam by himself could not fulfill his desires for:
-intimacy
-relationship
-love
-We can easily fall into three traps because of these same needs if we aren’t on guard
1 - Selfishness
-We see this in “needy” or “high-maintenance” people
-They seem only to think of what they “need”
-a woman says “you never spend time with me anymore”
-a man says “if you won’t do it then…”
-threats, demands, manipulative, etc.
-A take/take relationship is devastating
-A give/take relationship is frustrating
-A give/receive relationship is fulfilling
2 – Self-sufficiency
-Believing we can meet all of our own needs through our own effort
-Lying to ourselves – we don’t have any needs
-Christians might say “we don’t need anybody but God”
-Pride is the root here
3 – Self-hate
-We feel bad about our needs
-We feel guilty that we have sexual desires and don’t know what to do
-We feel bad about feeling lonely
-Jesus felt these desires as well and he sought intimacy with His Father and others
-We have to redeem our desires in Christ
God gave us two kinds of relationships to fulfill these basic desires of intimacy
1) Marriage / family
-This is the basic unit of our intimate relationships
-we will talk more about marriage in the other classes
2) In The Church and Christian community
-1 Thess. 2:8 “We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only
the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”
-In the Church we are called to share our lives with each other – to be intimate.
-Acts 2:46-47
-John 17: 21-23
-So, our desire for intimacy can be fulfilled in life-giving and loving relationships outside of marriage.
-God needs to always be the center of our lives.
-Hosea 2:19-20
Intimacy with God means having a relationship with Him…this is the basis of all other relationships.