Burdens and Loads
My heart hurts; my thoughts are jumbled, and my skin feels like it is being torn off layer by layer. I drag myself out to my screened patio, Bible-in-hand, “to obtain mercy and find grace to help in my time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).
I’ve just learned that my daughter has been using again -- since Christmas. I suspected because our communication has been limited and abrupt. Her presence at family functions has been nil. Now, it is the morning after I have run to her aid in the emergency room after what could have been a fatal car accident. I’ve just listened to her sobbing on the telephone about her car being totaled, her pain level soaring, and being two months behind in rent. I listen as my stomach churned, and said. “I love you. I’m so sorry you are hurting. I will be praying for you.”
Surrender and coming nearer and nearer to God is something that I have to do daily, really three or four times per day. Unfortunately, I tend to surrender my burdens and pick them right back up. Do I honestly think that I can rescue my daughter from her addictive lifestyle? Am I more wise, more powerful, more discerning that God?
When the world closes in on me, drawing near to God reveals to me my limits and boundaries. He shows me where I overstep by trying to “play God.” So often, it’s not so much the world closing in as it is me taking on responsibilities that the Lord never meant for me to undertake.
The Lord gave me Galatians 6:2 and 6:5 ... “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ,” and “for each one should carry their own load.” These verses have been instrumental in my journey to discovering the difference between helping and enabling. Helping is doing something for someone that he or she is not capable of doing him/herself, like a burden. Enabling is doing for someone what he/she could and should be doing for him/herself, like a load. Before saying, “Yes” to my daughter, I’ve learned to ask myself, “Is this something she can and should be doing for herself (her own load)?” Sometimes, depending on how fragile I am, I have to say, “Let me get back to you.” It gives me time to pray, breathe, and let the Lord help me determine if the request is a burden or a load.
Let’s use logic on the most recent call. No, my daughter CAN’T get herself a car because she is two months behind on her rent, but she SHOULD be able to get herself a car and would be able to if she hadn’t spent the money on her drug of choice. It is NOT easy to say, “No,” when our kids call us in pain, fearful, crying, but I’m learning that if I continue to bail out my daughter, I am not only rescuing her from the consequences of her own poor choices, I am also providing a safety net that prevents her from falling into the arms of Jesus.
When I do for her the things she can and should do for herself, I am hurting God by taking on His role, and I am hurting my daughter by doing something that she should be doing or learning to do on her own.
Please pray for our addicted, hurting, and lost sons and daughters and for those of us who love them.