Breaking the Silence:A Viewer’s Guide
About this Guide
This guide is designed to help viewers get the most from Breaking the Silence. It provides a synopsis of each chapter of the film,followed by questions to help viewers reflect on how child sexual abuse affects us and how to take action to end it. This film is only the beginning. What you do with this new knowledge is where prevention starts.
An Important Note to the Viewer
Child sexual abuse is a tough topic. The film and this accompanying guide include the stories of survivors that may affect you in a deeply personal way. If you need help, reach out.Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673).
About Breaking the Silence
Breaking the Silence is about the harsh reality of sexual abuse. Through the powerful stories of five survivors, we learn about the devastating impact of sexual abuse. It is their stories that inspire us and motivate us to imagine a new possibility for children and the collective purpose of no child being sexually violated. The film covers the importance of primary prevention and how that can be achieved by responsible, caring adults when they are armed with awareness and knowledge. It also covers the importance of secondary prevention, teaching adults how to intervene responsibly when there are warning signs or disclosures. We also learn the importance of empowering children with knowledge of body safety, what sexual abuse is, and how to tell a trusted adult if it happens. Several featured experts enhance our understanding of the impact to victims, survivors, families, and communities.This film challenges us to step up and speak out about the issue and set a new course that changes the way we protect children from “the unspeakable.” It’s about breaking the silence, and moving from darkness to light.
CHAPTER ONE
In the opening segment of Breaking the Silence, we learn the prevalence of child sexual abuse, debunk some of the common myths about child sexual abuse, and we hear Erin Merryn’s story:what she calls a real life horror story. We learn about how the abuse impacted Erin’s young life in devastating ways,and yet we also learn of her courage and her resilience.
Prevalence
There are 42 million survivors of sexual abuse in the US. Today, experts estimate that 1 in 10 children will be sexually abused before the age of 18. This means we all know someone who has been sexually abused. That’s more children than are affected by autism, childhood cancer, and many other devastating childhood illnesses. Child sexual abuse affects more children than gun violence,car accidents, and drownings.
Dispelling Myths
MYTH:Only certain children are at risk for being abused.
FACT:Any child can be a victim,boy or girl, at any age:infants, toddlers, school age, teenagers. It can happen to any family, in any neighborhood, in any town.
MYTH:Most abuse is perpetrated by strangers.
FACT:Ninety (90%) percent of children are abused by someone the child knows. It’s not the ”creepy stranger”in the park that accounts for most abuse.Anyone can be an abuser.
MYTH:Children would tell someone if something bad is happening to them.
FACT:Only about 38% of child victims disclose the fact that they have been abused. Some take years to disclose, and some never disclose.
Erin’s Story
Erin was first abused by a neighbor starting at the age of six. She was later targeted again by an older cousin when she was 11. Erin kept the abuses a secret for a long time,the negative impact of which led to a suicide attempt. Erin says, “…I was continuing to be that prisoner inside myself filled with so much toxic anger and rage. Forgiving him was the best gift I ever gave myself.”
Forgiveness is often one pathway in which a survivor moves forward in the healing process. It is not a substitute for the accountability of the offender. In fact, many survivors find that forgiveness is something they do for themselves, not for the perpetrator.
Chapter Two
In the second chapter, we meet two more courageous survivors, each with a very different story. Kealin, an 11-year old survivor who is wise beyond her years suffered abuse starting atthe age of four.David Moody, a successful businessman, kept his terrible secret for decades. Through both stories, we learn about the intense suffering caused by the abuse and keeping it a secret.
Kealin’sStory
It is a rare opportunity to hear the perspective of such a young survivor. Kealin has made it her mission to speak out publicly about her abuse and become a voice for other young victims. When Kealin finally disclosed her abuse, her mom believed her and provided the support necessary for her to begin what she calls her healing journey.
David’s Story
David kept his abuse a secret well into adulthood. When David finally revealed his secret, the physical manifestation of that trauma was unleashed in the form of panic attacks and a nervous breakdown.David’s wife was calm and supportive, which has been critical to his healing.
One of the many reasons children and adults keep their abuse a secret is the worry that no one will believe them.For survivors, the response, “I believe you,” from a caring, supportive person is essential to their wellbeing and healing.To be that trusted adult for a child, someone towhom they could tell their secret, means we must know how to respond in the most supportive way possible.Saying, “I believe you.What happened is not your fault.Thank you for your courage in telling me,” is critical for the victim to be able to take that first step toward healing.
Chapter Three
The focus of the third chapter of the film is on prevention, and specifically, the responsibility of adults in protecting children. Safe adults are the first line of defense against child sexual abuse. Adults are the most capable of the judgment and skill that prevention requires.
Many prevention efforts have been aimed at children, helping kids learn boundaries and how to tell an adult if something happens. That’s important, but, as psychologist Jim Hopper says, “…what we really need to do in this culture, as well, is have adults and parents taking responsibility for being on the lookoutand being able to have conversations with each other about concerning behaviors.”
Children should not be responsible for protecting themselves against the sophisticated and manipulative behaviors of a perpetrator. We learn in the film that telling an adult is just not that easy and straightforward.(See the Why Children Don’t Tell sidebar). What’s more,empowering children to tell a trusted adult if abuse happens means the adults in that child’s life must be prepared and ready to handle that disclosure responsibly.
The skills to protect a child don’t simply come with being an adult.We need to learn these skills. A safe adult is a trained adult.
The 5 Steps to Protecting
Our Children
Darkness to Light ( is a national nonprofit organization that is working to equip and empower every adult with the skills to protect children.The 5 Stepsare part of a training program called Stewards of Children, a two-hour prevention program that teaches adults how to prevent, recognize, and react responsibly to child sexual abuse.The program uses video, an interactive workbook, and group discussion.The video features the stories of survivors which inspire and motivate just like the stories in Breaking the Silence.As the first line of defense, adults are the most able to prevent abuse before it occurs.For child sexual abuse, this means:
- Knowing what sexual abuse is and how it takes place.
- Eliminating isolated, one-on-one interactions with children.
- Empowering children to talk to us fearlessly, and us talking to them about safe personal boundaries and what sexual abuse is.
- Recognizing signs and reaching out, skillfully, to kids who show those signs.
- Acting responsibly to disclosures by a child, discoveries of sexual abuse, or suspicion of boundary violations by others.
Chapter Four
In Chapter Four we hear from Terrae, abused by her father for two years starting when she was 11 years old, and we learn about a valuable resource for anyone who needs help.
Terrae’s Story
Terrae found her voice when she reached out to a national help line operated by RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network). Terrae asked for help in telling her mother of the abuse.Through the support given to Terrae, she was able to find the courage to tell her mom. Terrae’s mom believed her, and with her support, together they were able to stop the abuse and hold Terrae’s father accountable.Terrae has used her experience and voice to start a foundation aimed at increasing awareness.As a mother herself, we see Terrae in a place of courage and resilience.
We have learned that breaking the silence is a critical first step for survivors. Having supportive caregivers is also critical. Essential to tackling the problem of child sexual abuse is the willingness of all adults to talk openly about it and to know the most helpful ways to help victims and survivors.
Chapter Five
Cheryl Burke is well known for her incredible talent on the dance floor and role on Dancing With The Stars, but many don’t know that she is also a sexual abuse survivor.
Cheryl’s Story
Cheryl’s abuser was a trusted family friend and babysitter who used a highly manipulative form of grooming to gain Cheryl’s compliance and silence,making Cheryl feel like she was responsible for his care and wellbeing. Cheryl says, “I was a little girl, it was hard for me to say no. In a weird way it was like I didn’t want to hurt him.”
Grooming
Grooming is a process by which an offender gradually draws a victim into a sexual relationship and maintains that relationship in secrecy.At the same time, the offender may also fill roles within the victim’s family that make the offender a trusted and valued member. Grooming takes place over time - it precedes and builds up to the actual abuse.Grooming includes singling out a child, giving gifts, special privileges, increasing and escalating physical contact – all with the intent of gaining the child’s compliance and silence.
Adults who know and recognize these behaviors are better prepared to prevent child sexual abuse before it happens. Be on the lookout for adult or older youth who employ the following risky behaviors:paying special interest or singling out a particular child, breaking rules like giving gifts or special privileges to one child, being overly physical with a child, and fostering alone time and secrecy.
Chapter Six
There is hope for recovery from sexual abuse. We learn through Erin, Kealin, David, Terrae, and Cheryl’s courageous stories that breaking the silence is the first step toward healing.By sharing a part of their personal journey, we see that life can be okay after abuse.They also show us that prevention is possible, but it takes courage and intentional action.
Erin’s Law
Erin’s law requires age appropriate sexual abuse curriculum taught to children preschool through 12th grade.Erin’s law also focuses on what educators can do to learn how to detect the signs of child sexual abuse.
Primary Prevention
Breaking the Silence has shed light on a difficult topic.We’ve learned some of the facts about sexual abuse, we’ve learned about its impact on victims, and we’ve learned that recovery is possible. Child sexual abuse affects us all.This is our time to make prevention a priorityto make choices that protect children from sexual abuse. As adults, we can learn how to minimize opportunity for sexual abuse to occur and we can talk openly with our children and other adults.We can make our communities safer for children.
Action Plan
Thank you for viewing Breaking the Silence.This film is only the beginning.It is what you do from here that will make a difference in the lives of children and in our communities.
First and most importantly, if you are a survivor, you are not alone. There are countless others walking with you. What happened to you is not your fault. There is hope because so many are getting mobilized to protect children, and because we know with certainty that healing is possible. If you need help or access to resources, reach out by calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673).
Everyone can a make a difference. Here’s some immediate steps you can take:
- Look at the 5 Stepsand make a commitment to one action you’ll take today.
- Identify one person with whom you will have a conversation tomorrow about what you learned.
- Reach out to at least one child this week and reinforce that you are responsible for their safety from sexual abuse, and that you are their trusted adult.
Get Educated
Knowledge is power!Learn how you can protect children.Find out where Stewards of Children is being offered in your area by visiting
Or, take Stewards of Children online by going to
If you suspect a child is being abused,
call 911 to report it immediately to law enforcement.