Networking
Introduction
Research shows that 70 to 80 percent of jobs are not advertised. That means if you want to hear about the vast majority of jobs, you will need to find out about them from people in your network. And your network can’t be bought, borrowed, or downloaded like an app; it must be created by you through consistent action over time.
Source:
BE THE FRIENDLY, APPROACHABLE PERSON THAT EVERYONE SEEKS TO FIND AT A NETWORKING EVENT
Approach the event less like the dreaded sixth-grade dance. View the event as an opportunity to make a potential new friend. Too often—especially those of us who cop to the idea that being an introvert is the reason we hate networking—approach networking events with a sense of dread. We think that everyone else finds it easy and that we are the only ones who hate it, but that is simply not the case. It may be helpful for you to know that about half of the people in the room are introverts just like you given that that is how the population breaks down. That means that there are a lot of people in the room who are looking for a friendly face to talk to, and there is no reason that friendly face can’t be yours.
FOLLOW UP AFTER THE EVENT
Don’t just collect business cards for the sake of collecting business cards. Call to make a date for coffee. E-mail the person letting them know you enjoyed your conversation with them. Don’t let the two hours you just spent meeting 3-5 new people go to waste because you are too “busy” or too shy to follow up. Make your conversations of the type and quality that getting back with the person and setting up a coffee or lunch date makes sense for both of you. Even if the individual in question doesn’t have a job for you, he/she might know someone who knows someone who knows someone. That’s why it is called networking.
Source:
Hit the Sweet Spot
The biggest rookie mistake I see is when people plant themselves right at the entrance of a networking event to meet people. This is the worst spot! Here’s why:
“When people walk into an event you have to give them time to breathe! Instinctively when we are in a new place around new people there are two things we want: Nourishment (typically a drink or food) and to survey the room. So don’t plant yourself right in the doorway. Anyone you pounce on right as they enter will only be thinking about getting something from the bar, loading up a plate or trying to check out the room surreptitiously over your head”
The best place to stand is right where people leave when exiting the bar. This way they have a drink in their hand and they are ready to mingle. This is always where I plant myself when I’m at networking events and it makes for super easy conversations.
You + Touch = Influence
Touch is one of our most powerful, but underutilized tools. Why? Because it releases something called Oxytocin. Oxytocin is the chemical that makes us feel connection. When we are bonded with someone, building rapport or have a strong relationship oxytocin courses through our brain. One of the things that causes a surge in oxytocin is touch. So when you can use it properly, you can instantly build connection. One study had librarians briefly touch certain patron’s hands as they checked out books. Every patron who had gotten a light touch on the arm rated the librarian more favorably and more likable. Just this simple gesture increased the librarians likeability score. Waitresses also tried touching specific diners on the arm or hand when they dropped off the bill. Those diners who received the touch got a 41% higher tip! That means touch not only makes you more charismatic, but also brings you more income.
“Touch is great ONLY when you use it properly. To do this, you have to know the touch map. Here is the rule of thumb you want to remember: The further towards the center of the body, the more intimate the level of touch. So the hand, forearm and elbow are safe areas and better for professional settings. The head and torso should only be used with people you are extremely close with. A quick note here, some people even if it is in the “safe zone” do not like to be touched. If I am going to touch someone’s arm, I always do so very lightly the first time and make sure to watch and see if they pull back from the touch or stiffen their shoulders. This tells you their comfort level with touch.”
Be a Business Card Master
There are two problems that always happen with business cards at networking events. First, awkwardly searching for your business card when someone asks for it. Or second, losing someones business card so you can’t follow up the next day. Avoid having to dig through your purse or wallet to find a business card or losing the ones you get with my system–right pocket my business cards, left pocket other people’s business cards.
Source:
6 Ways to Make Your Answers More Memorable
Ask a Question. People are more likely to absorb and retain new information if their brain is engaged, which is what happens when you ask a person you’ve just met a question.
Tell a Story. We’re all drawn to a good story. Use relevant, brief anecdotes or quick stories to stand out. Just don’t be that guy who launches into their entire life story within the first two minutes of an introduction.
Create a Personal Association. A great way to be memorable is to create an association between your answers to the three questions and something that is more memorable to the person you are talking to. To use a quick example: a person you just met is more likely to remember your name if you share a name with someone in their family. Find ways to leverage these connections.
Find Your Inner Black Sheep. Look for ways to describe yourself that highlights your uniqueness. Be different if you want to be remembered. Vanilla is boring and forgettable; Cherry Garcia, with cherries and chocolate chunks, is memorable. Mmmmm…Cherry Garcia. Where was I?
Source:
Conversation Pointers
Stop Mirroring
Instead of mirroring responses, make them provocative and move the conversation ahead.
The mirrored example:
James: It’s a beautiful day!
John: Yes, it is a beautiful day!
This is terrible.
Here’s a much less terrible, non-mirrored convo:
James: It’s a beautiful day!
John: They say that the weather was just like this when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. If that actually happened.
While strange, it’s effective. Now James and John have something to talk about.
While you don’t need to invoke American tragedies in order to have a fun conversation, the lesson holds: Instead of just saying back whatever is said to you, advance the line of thought in an unexpected fashion, potentially making friends in your wake.
Source:
Basic Openers
Can you recommend any unique cocktails here?
Hey how has your day been?
All the food looks so good… I’m not sure what to get! What are you thinking? Or what have you tried?
Man, these networking events can be so crazy. Mind if I join you over here where it’s a little quieter?
So, how did you hear about this event?
Wow, there are a ton of people here, huh? I had no idea it would be so popular.
That drink looks good. What is it?
So, is this your first time at one of these events?
Yum, they have ____food/cocktail____! Have you ever tried it?
So, Are you from the area?
Attendance looks higher than last year/month, how long have you been coming to these events?
Hmm, I’m not quite sure what that dish is… do you know?
Of course, sometimes, the easiest way to meet someone is to offer a hand and say, “Hi, I’m Vanessa.”
Is it quieter on this side of the room? I can hardly hear over there.
May as well chat if we’re in line for the bathroom/wine/food!
So, was it a pain for you to get here? Traffic was terrible for me.
Hi, I don’t know too many people here, so I wanted to introduce myself. I’m [name] and I work at [company].
So, what brought you here today?
“I like sometimes to start out with a compliment to brighten that person’s day :)” –Razan82Badawi
How’s your day going?
What a beautiful/cool/ugly/bizarre venue. Have you been here before?
Interesting One Line Openers:
Pardon me. Do you mind if get your opinion on something…?
Did you see that viral ____ YouTube video? It was all over my social media today.
On a scale of 1 to undrinkable, how terrible is the wine?
“I usually start by complimenting them or calling out something that’s similar between us, or something unique I notice about the person.” –Cristina Minnis
So, I’m not sure where to go on vacation this year. Have you taken a good vacations recently?
Hey, aren’t you friends with [fill in random name]?” Even if they don’t look familiar, this is an easy way to start conversation.
If you see a group of people that seems to be having a good time, walk over and say, “Well, you guys are certainly having more fun than the last group I was talking to.”
It is so hot (or cold) in here.
Can I confess to something…I read an article about conversation tips. They had some ridiculous suggestions…
I can’t stop eating these eggrolls. Have you tried them?
How did you hear about this event?
I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed by all of the information they have been giving us. Anything that has really resonated with you?
Wow, I just can’t believe all the crazy news headlines today. What a week!
Any chance you read the news today? I missed it, and I’m dying to know what’s happening with [insert news topic here].
Did you catch the game last night?
“I like, “What’s your story?” It leaves the door wide open and I get a real variety of answers. It ALWAYS leads to a conversation.” –Sean Harry
I’m trying to make myself meet new people here instead of just talking to the usual suspects. Do you mind me saying hello and introducing myself?
How to Keep the Conversation Going:
So how do you spend your time when you aren’t ______?
So what influenced you to make that decision?
“Tell me about your business and what made you decide to become… I love hearing peoples “why” stories.” –@ClaimYourShine
I have some more friends over here to introduce you all to, can arrange I get a merger & acquisition of our groups?
“After the usual hi -howdy stuff, I like to ask “where did you grow up?!” –Amy Lang
What drew you to that line of work?
“Can you tell me a funny story about X” –@CharlesNashMEM
What do you like about your job?
Why are you interested in working in that industry specifically?
“Where do you live or where did you get this/that from?” –RachanaYawale
Ask for advice on something you are working on.
Ask them what the best conversation starter they have ever heard is.
“What top 5 things (outside of family) that make you come alive?” –Kathy Carlisle
Any and all of these will work for you. Most people are so relieved to have you start and continue the conversation anyways! Remember to ask open ended questions—and avoid yes or no answers yourself. Also go for depth on interesting topics. Don’t be afraid to ask more questions and stick to one topic if it interests you.
Most importantly, be interested and interesting.
Source:
Additional Reads