People have different views about children’s homework. Although some people are of fervent conviction [BB1]that teachers should not give children homework, I would argue that is [BB2]is necessary for children [BB3]to do their homework.[BB4]
On the one hand, those opposing the necessity of homework have a tendency [BB5]to consider that school day is long enough, so it is therefore advisable that children spend more time on outdoor activites [BB6]such as playing sports, partaking in social programmes or helping their parents clean house[BB7]. Hence, were children not to be coerced into doing homework, they would have a chance to relax with their peers and family, which can be seen as [BB8]a positive development for mental and physical health[BB9].
Compelling as this argument seems, I am fierce in the assertion that homework holds a crucial position in the schooling of children. The reason is that it highly encourages independent learning and problem solving. This means [BB10]children are required to work through tasks without helps at their own pace and to apply the knowledge accumulated in the classroom. By way of illustration, the recent research conducted by Florida State University revealed [BB11]that the more maths homework a student do [BB12]in one day, the quicker [BB13]he seems to deal with number problems. As a result, homework is considered to be a useful method to prepare people to work alone as adults.[BB14]
In conclusion, it seems to me that homework should not be abolished to help [BB15]children consolidate their knowledge as well as form some life skills which are essential in their future.
Criteria / Grade / Comment / Note
Task Achievement / 7 / ɵaddresses all basic parts of thetask
ɵsucceeds to satisfy the minimum required length of the essay by the question
ɵpresents a personal position in the introduction and sustain it well throughout the response
ɵa thread of argument is developed with valid points
ɵThe propositions are elaborated with progression although some points lack precision and concision.
ɵEmpirical examples have been included in an objective manner. / ɵ Essay length: 258/250 words – a quite ideal length to keep yet practice in terms of timing is still encouraged.
ɵSee comment boxes of “Task Response” for further references.
ɵ
Coherence and Cohesion / 7 / ɵlogically organises informationand ideas to a certain extent
ɵthere is clear progression throughout with a balanced paragraphing structure
ɵuses an adequate number of cohesive devices with appropriate and sufficient linking words between sentences although more advanced academic cohesive devices can be used between parts of a clause as well as paragraphs.
ɵpresents a clear central topicwithin eachparagraph / ɵYou may consider using more advanced academic cohesive devices such as “However/Nevertheless/Therefore/Hence/…” or “For example/For instance/…” to allow flexibility
ɵPay more attention to referencing that is in line with the subjects.
Lexical Resource / 7 / ɵuses a sufficient range of vocabulary to articulate on the question given.
ɵuses less common lexicalitems with some accuracy and flexibility
ɵmay produce a few errors in word choice, wordformation and spelling that do not impede communication
ɵthe application of structures contains some technical mistakes that can be easily addressed
ɵMore advanced academic collocations and synonyms are advised to boost your answer / ɵTry to use collocations of nouns /verbs by looking the nouns up in dictionary and choose an appropriate adjective/adverb that often goes with the noun/verb – Ozdic dictionary is an ideal reference resource at
ɵPay attention in terms of vocabulary use to avoid repetition by using synonyms (as suggested in the comment box).
Grammatical Range and Accuracy / 7 / ɵUses an academic range of simple sentences andcomplex forms
ɵcomplex sentences are applied throughout the answer at certain points.
ɵMakes occasional errors in grammar, particularly in the use of article and clause formation throughout the response. These errors are not so significant but it is best to address them as soon as possible to boost your grammatical range and accuracy mark. / ɵAttempt more complex structures more accurately
Overall / 7.0 / ɵPresents a standard overall structure of paragraphing with an excessive length
ɵYour essay presents a relatively sufficient argument with direct personal opinion.
ɵexplanations are provided quite confusingly to justify propositions yet sometimes inadequately
ɵMakes a number of basic errors in both grammar and vocabulary.
Suggested Paragraph Structure:
- Introduction:
ɵThesis sentence (I agree/disagree)
ɵOutline sentence (This essay will discuss…)
- Body: Use PEEC
ɵSentence 1: Point (Topic sentence)
ɵSentence 2: Explain
ɵSentence 3: Extend/Example
ɵSentence 4: Conclusion
Paragraph 2: PEEC
- Conclusion:
ɵOpinion
Model Answer:
People’s opinions differ as to whether or not school children should be given homework. While there are some strong arguments against the setting of homework, I still believe that it is a necessary aspect of education.
There are several reasons why people might argue that homework is an unnecessary burden on children. Firstly, there is evidence to support the idea that homework does nothing to improve educational outcomes. Countries such as Finland, where school children are not given homework, regularly top international educational league tables and outperform nations where setting homework is the norm. Secondly, many parents would agree that the school day is already long enough, and leaves their children too tired to do further study when they return home. Finally, it is recognised that play time is just as beneficial as study time from the perspective of brain development.
In spite of the above arguments, I support the view that homework has an important role to play in the schooling of children. The main benefit of homework is that it encourages independent learning and problem solving, as children are challenged to work through tasks alone and at their own pace. In doing so, students must apply the knowledge that they have learnt in the classroom. For example, by doing mathematics exercises at home, students consolidate their understanding of the concepts taught by their teacher at school. In my view, it is important for children to develop an independent study habit because this prepares them to work alone as adults.
In conclusion, homework certainly has its drawbacks, but I believe that the benefits outweigh them in the long term.
Source:
[BB1]Grammar error (lack article): An article is required to refer to the singularity of the subject: are of the fervent conviction that...
[BB2]Grammar error (lack subject): A pronoun is required to be the subject of this sentence: it is...
[BB3]Vocabulary use (repetition): You can refer to such a subject as “students/pupils” to avoid repetition in word use my dear.
[BB4]Task response (precision): The main topic of this essay focuses on the very origin of homework. It is about whether homework should even exist, not students should do their homework or not. Hence it is advisable that you be as precise to the question as possible: it is necessary for children/pupils to have homework as a regular means of academic studying.
[BB5]Vocabulary use (word use): “have a tendency” is a good phrase yet it is somehow unnecessarily lengthy for this case. Rather, it will be more concise to say “tend to consider that...”.
You may also use other collocations such as “lean towards the opinion/viewpoint that...”
[BB6]Vocabulary error (Spelling): activities.
[BB7]Vocabulary use/Task response (precision): “clean house” can be too specific yet you can consider referring to such chores as “housework” as a more academic word to use: helping their parents with the housework.
[BB8]Grammar error (structure use): In academic writing, it is best to avoid passive voice whenever possible. It will be more preferable to use positive voice for any clause. In this case, you can say “which is likely (to be) a positive development for...”
[BB9]Grammar error (lack subject): A pronoun is required to associate this object with the main subject: for both their mental and physical health.
[BB10]Task response (expression of idea): “this means” can be quite an informal phrase used often in speaking language. It is acceptable yet can be replaced with a more academic cohesive phrase such as “In other words”.
[BB11]Grammar error (verb tense): The fact that such a research has such content cannot be denied. Hence it is best to use present simple tense to refer to a matter of fact: reveals that...
[BB12]Grammar error (verb form): Your subject is singular hence it should be “does”.
[BB13]Vocabulary error (word form): the word is associated with the predicate of “deal with number problems”, which is a verb. Hence an adverb is required instead of an adjective: the more quickly he seems to deal with number problems.
[BB14]Task response (expression of idea): To avoid using passive voice and also to sharpen this proposition, you can say “homework therefore acts as a useful tool to sharpen students' sense of responsibility and self-reliance."
[BB15]Task response (precision): This purpose clause may be understood to be the purpose of “abolishing homework”, which is not true. Hence it is best to be as precise as you can to avoid any misunderstanding my dear: homework should not be abolished as it helps children...