AP Literature and Composition, Period 4

Rachel Unger

Mr. Youngs

AP Literature and Composition, Period 4

30 May 2014

The Cheater’s Guide to Love

Junot Díaz’s novel This Is How You Lose Her is composed of nine short stories about love, all revolving in some way around Yunior, a Dominican man who struggles to stop his cycle of cheating on his girlfriends and dehumanizing women[??1]. The stories chronicle Yunior’s relationships with a variety of women, as he takes after his brother and father, both of whom had many casual and long-lasting affairs. Yunior’s father and brother had a strong influence on him, as he notes thesimilarity[??2] between his sexual escapades and those of his brother, Rafa, and father, Ramón, and how he tries to overcome the examples that his family set for him.

One scene that is especially memorable is in the story “Invierno.” This story describes Yunior’s first winter[??3] in the United States, and first interaction with his father in five years. He says, “I had expected a different father, one about seven feet tall with enough money to buy our entire barrio[??4], but this one was average height, with an average face . . . Even though he hugged us and took us out to dinner on the Malecón[??5] . . . I didn’t know what to make of him” (125). This scene serves an important role with regards to the work as a whole and the overall meaning, and is effectively written.

This scene is important in relation to the work as a whole. It presents the first example of Ramón’s influence, because even though he is not as powerful as Yunior expected, he still has the dominance. This is partially because when Yunior’s family comes to live with Ramón in the States, they are in a state of shock from many things, including the cold, the language[??6], the people, andindoor plumbing[??7]. Because he is used to the city and knows a lot of English, Ramón is very overbearing, and quickly overpowers his wife and children[??8], who do not have a say in any decisions. He does not let any of them out of the apartment, saying, “You’ll go out when I say you’re ready” (123), and is wary of even letting them interact with other people[??9]. This passage alsodisplays the distance between Ramón and his family, especially the difference between Yunior’shopeful expectations versus his less-than-desirable reality. This distance continues through the story, culminating in Ramón leaving them to live with his girlfriend[??10].

The scene also establishes the relationship between Yunior and his father. Ramón is not the loving father that Yunior was expecting, and isin fact strict and cold towards his whole family, especially towards Yunior, whom he criticizes frequently and does not bother trying to understand. For example, Ramón cannot comprehend why Yunior has trouble tying his shoes. He says, “I met some dumb men in the Guardia[??11] . . . but every single one of them could tie his motherfucking shoes . . . Why can’t he” (126)? This quotation demonstrates the perfection that Ramón unrealistically expects[??12] from his family, a desire that is continued throughout the chapter.For instance, later in the chapter, Ramón forces Yunior to get a very short, ugly haircut because Yunior’s hair is very unmanageable. Ramón does not have the patience to deal with the hair and insists that the haircut “looks good” and that Yunior “likes it fine” (129). Finally, this scene foreshadows Ramón deserting his family. From this scene it is clear that there is a distinct separation between Yunior’s expectations of a father and the reality, and it is also clear that there is a barrier between them as they must get used to living with each other. Each section of the family has had a separate life for five years, and they struggle to reunite. This leads to Ramón eventually returning to the life he had while his family was still in the Dominican Republic, leaving his family for his girlfriend.

This scene is also important to the overall meaning of the work. Ultimately, the stories are about Yunior’s journey trying to break his womanizing habits and come to see women as humans and equals[??13]. Much of the reason that Yunior came to be like this is that the dominant male influences in his life were Rafa and Ramón, each of whom had many affairs and little discretion about the women they were sleeping with[??14]. Additionally, neither of them treated women like they were human and just as important as men, which Yunior sees and imitates. The scene introduces discomfort between Ramón and his family, which suggests that Ramón will not be a positive influence for his sons.

Finally, this scene is effectively written for multiple reasons. First, the distinct contrasts between what Yunior was expecting his father to be (tall, rich, powerful) and what his father actually turned out to be (average and somewhat uncaring) show that his father is human and not perfect. However, it lets the reader sympathize with Yunior as he tries to adjust to a complete change in situation with a distant father who does not know him and does not seem to care to know him. Additionally, it sets the precedent for the rest of the interactions between Yunior and his father, as each has expectations of the other that neither accomplishes. Yunior is expecting a loving father who has power and prestige, but Ramón does not have that much money and does not know how to treat his sons. Meanwhile, Ramón expects a perfectly behaved, intelligent, and impressive son, but gets one who is still learning and has faults just like everyone else. This first interaction foreshadows the fact that Yunior and Ramón will never be very close.

Thus, this scene in This Is How You Lose Her, has an important relationship to the rest of the book, is important to the overall meaning of the work, and is very effectively written.

[??1]It takes until the end of the novel for Yunior to see the pain that he caused many of his girlfriends and to see them as human just like him.

[??2]In the story called “Miss Lora,” Yunior contemplates the fact that both his brother and father were “sucios of the worst kind” (Spanish for dirty) and although he hoped the gene skipped him, it didn’t, and now he is one, too.

[??3]In fact, it begins on his first day in the US.

[??4]Spanish for “neighborhood.”

[??5]Spanish for “pier.”

[??6]None of them can speak English. Rafa and Yunior learn (with the help of TV), but their mother struggles and Ramón berates her for her failed attempts. He says that “the average woman can’t learn English” (124). This helps establish Ramón’s influence on his sons, as he unintentionally is showing them that women are innately less intelligent and less important than men.

[??7]Ramón had to teach them how to turn on the shower and sinks and how to flush the toilet.

[??8]It is mentioned multiple times that in DR, Yunior’s mother was the authority and was very strong willed. However, since moving to the US, she has become submissive and weak to her husband’s requests.

[??9]Finally, he allows two people to come over for dinner, but it does not go well.

[??10]Interestingly, this is the story told in “Otravida, Otravez” (“Another Life, Another Time”) and can be used to show the growth that Yunior has by the end of the book, as he wrote it depicting a fully human woman, not a stereotypical caricature of “the Other Woman.”

[??11]Spanish for “guard.”

[??12]Ramón only consents to let other people come visit once the kids are consistently neat, clean, and put-together and his wife makes an effort to cook fancy dinners and follows his orders without complaint.

[??13]There is an interview with Junot Díaz that discusses this and more at

[??14]Because of this, Yunior seems to have few concerns about who he has sex with and generally sees women as interchangeable, not separate people.