AM-Pt1-Betty Weiler, 23.09.15
Lecturer:
I'm thrilled now to introduce our next speaker for the morning, Professor Betty Weiler. Betty is a research professor and Director of Research in the School of Business and Tourism at Southern Cross University. When I turned my mind to who I might invite today to talk about the importance of research relationships, my thoughts went immediately to Betty. Who better, I thought, to talk about the mentor/mentee relationship, to talk about team leadership, than someone who was for many years an invaluable mentor to me. Betty has won multiple awards for her research in tourism. She has won multiple awards for her research supervision, and for particularly community embedded research. So, she's really won awards across the entire spectrum of what BUiLD is all about. So please join me in welcoming Betty Weiler.
Betty Weiler:
Thanks very much Ingrid. It's really a pleasure to be here. Oh, by the way, another North American accent (laughs). It's really a pleasure to be here. It's a very important day, I think, for all of you and it's an important initiative. And I hope you'll find that the topic I'm gonna speak about today is also an important topic. Having said that, and I'll just make sure I know how to work this. I do. I do have a confession to make. And that is that I don't have a PhD in mentoring. So, I don't know everything there is to know about the topic. But you'll be relieved to hear that there are many people in this room that do know a lot about mentoring. And so, the first question I'm going to ask is how many people are here today partly because they see themselves as a mentor? Or Ingrid sees you as a mentor (laughs)? Raise your hand if you're invited today because perhaps that's your role. Oh, they're gonna be very shy Ingrid when I ask them that. They won't wanna admit it. OK, there's a few.
Betty Weiler:
How many people are here today perhaps, how many people here see themselves as somebody who needs some mentoring? OK, good. Does anybody here see themselves as both? Would you put your hand up if you thought? All right. OK, there you go. You can go home now. You already heard one of my messages. (laughter) So, that's one of the things I'd like to say today is that we're gonna talk about the journey being a mentee and what it's about. And the journey from mentee-ing to mentoring because you probably need to be doing both, even now. And you probably would be surprised if you thought about it to know that you are actually mentoring already probably. Particularly if you're supervising higher degree students. And we're gonna talk about team. I'm not gonna talk too much about being on a team, but I'm gonna talk about leadership a little bit. And so, none of these roles are mutually exclusive. OK? You can be one and you can be the other. And there are certainly overlaps in those roles.
Betty Weiler:
So, I ended up subtitling my talk today, Confessions of a Serial Mentor, because I realised that I probably am going to make a few confessions as we go along today. It wasn't just one confession. You've already heard one. What is a mentor? Why do you need a mentor? And what can you expect or not expect from a mentor. So, we're going to talk about that quite a bit today. That's principally, probably what I'm gonna speak about. And how to find a mentor, and how to develop a mentoring relationship. Then, we'll talk about this moving from being a mentee to a mentor. And then we'll talk about leadership. And of course, mentoring is part of leadership.
Betty Weiler:
So, I have this overarching heading that you're going to see on several slides coming up. And then most of my slides are just really the question for that particular topic. And so, we're gonna talk about, start by saying, why seek out a mentor. And I'm gonna ask you, because I suspect you have some reasons for seeking out a mentor. So, why seek out a mentor? Why would you want a mentor anyway? Anybody? It's an easy question. What does a mentor do for you?
Audience Member:
It's getting the benefit of the their experience.
Betty Weiler:
OK, to gain some benefit from their experience. You might learn something. You might learn something from them about their experience. What else? Yes?
Audience Member:
Their guidance and a sounding board.
Betty Weiler:
A sounding board, that's a good one. So, to run some ideas past them, and then they might show you some good options and some bad options. Good. Anything else? Anybody over there?
Audience Member:
To open up your networks?
Betty Weiler:
Ah-ha, that's an interesting one. So, this talk is about relationships, and clearly a mentor can do that. And we'll talk about what kind of relationships, but I think that's a good one. So, you've got these potential mentors out there that can help you if you like, face the road ahead. Be a support for you. Maybe help you meet some challenges that you're currently stuck on. Maybe identify some opportunities that you didn't even know were there. So, lots of possibilities. And it brings up the issue of, can you have more than one mentor? What do you think? Of course you can. You can have more than one mentor. And you can have more than one mentor at the same time. So, mentors do a range of things, and that's probably important to think about when we talk about who you're gonna approach for mentoring.
Betty Weiler:
OK. So, the same heading at the top but a new question. What exactly is a mentor? And what is it that we can do for you? And I do wanna say that I think a mentor isn't just a supervisor. It isn't just somebody who occasionally tells you what you should and shouldn't do. Occasionally gives you some information that maybe you're looking for. I think it's more than that. And because it's more than that, probably the most important skill that a mentor has to have, this might surprise you, is listening. If you can't find somebody that will listen to you, lose them (laughs). They're not a good mentor. So a mentor is about listening. You need to be able to go to your mentor or prospect of mentor and say. Well, let's start by why do you want to be a researcher? Not everybody's in this room for the same reason are they? I mean, there's lots of reasons why people want to be a researcher. Why they want to be a good researcher. And how they see themselves as being a good researcher. How they're gonna contribute to research. Lot's of answers to that question, there's not a right answer or wrong answer. I think also, a mentor has to be a human being (laughs). Now that, I'm being a little bit facetious there. But, they have to be somebody that's interested in you, interested in your work, and approachable.
Betty Weiler:
So personally, I think I wouldn't want a mentor that didn't have those qualities. So, you can think about whether that's important to you. But, probably you need somebody that you can be honest with. Yes, somebody said something about a role model. So somebody that has had experience that you might want to emulate. Somebody that you can talk about your challenges with. Now, that all sounds great, so far. But, my next confession (laughs) is that I'm not perfect as a mentor. And probably there isn't a perfect mentor anywhere. So, what I do want you to really think about, in terms of mentoring, is to not expect your mentor to be Superwoman or Superman. So, let's not expect that we are perfect. You know what? We have irritating habits and idiosyncrasies that will get under your skin at times. And I have had mentors like that, and I still value them as mentors.
Betty Weiler:
We have off days. Look, sometimes I am scintillating. Sometimes I come up with great ideas, but not every day, and not in every conversation. So, be realistic about what you can expect. They're going to have off days. Sometimes, we even get it wrong. You know? Sometimes we fail. But, what you want in a mentor is somebody that's honest about that, and can say, "You know what? "I was wrong and I told you that." Or, "I was wrong when I made that choice. "And here's what I've learned from it. "Here's what I would do differently "if I was gonna do it again." OK, so just don't expect them to be perfect. Don't expect them to have all the answers. Another thing that I do wanna share with you. And this isn't anything that I've ever read in mentoring textbooks. Not that I've read any mentoring textbooks, but I've certainly looked at workshops and modules and things about it. And this is something that I think that probably mentees, and a mentee's somebody that gets mentored, needs to think about is don't expect them to, don't expect them to provide unfair advantage for you.
Betty Weiler:
So, they can't bend the rules for you. There are rules. There are regulations. There are guidelines to getting promoted. For example, there are certain systems that are in place in universities. It's not their job to get you around those. Don't expect that, that's not fair. That means we can't always solve all your problems. It also means, another thing, probably a third thing is don't expect your mentor to overrule what your PhD supervisor says. So if you're a student, and you have a mentor that's not your supervisor, or if you have a supervisor in the workplace who performance manages you, but you have a mentor maybe at another university, whatever, just be sensitive about those relationships because it's not fair for a mentor to be put into those situations. And just maybe a last thing about what you shouldn't expect. This cartoon, I don't know if you can read it from where you're sitting, but it says, "I thought I needed a mentor, "but what I really needed is a nap." (laughs) So, sometimes you just need a break. So you go to your mentor and say, "Oh, I'm overworked. " I've got too much to do and blah, blah, blah." You know what? Maybe you just need to take some time off.
Betty Weiler:
Or maybe there's some counselling you need. So think and put it in perspective of what a mentor can do. I hope I made that point. OK, still with the same heading at the top. But, I think it's also useful for people in this room, mostly who are probably looking for a mentor, rather than being a mentor, is to say, what might I expect of you? So, you have all these expectations of me. What might I expect of you? So, let me ask the mentors in this room if they want to, here's your chance. Here's your chance as a mentor. What would you expect of somebody that approached you to be a mentor. Do you have any expectations? What about you Joe if somebody?
Joe:
I expect them to bring something, when I meet with them, I expect them to bring something in.
Betty Weiler:
Ah, come prepared.
Joe:
Yeah, yeah.
Betty Weiler:
Be proactive.
Joe:
Yeah.
Betty Weiler:
That's a good one. John, you must have mentored a few people in your lifetime?
John:
Yeah, I guess it's some to putting in some tools (background noise drowns out speaker)
Betty Weiler:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So not expect you to navigate and find all the solutions, but to actually put the effort in themselves. That's a good one. Anybody else? Yes.
Audience Member:
I once mentored my staff and I was hoping that she would come to me every time. Self-confidence was what she was lacking.
Betty Weiler:
Uh-huh, so she has to believe in herself?
Audience Member:
Yeah, because she had a tendency to be down and negative. (background noise drowns out speaker)
Betty Weiler:
Yeah and that sometimes takes time, but it's a fair expectation. Ingrid, anything from you (laughs)?
Audience Member:
To know that I can't give them infinite research funding.
Betty Weiler:
Yep, realistic.
Audience Member:
I guess just to know that you know I can't pay for everything, and I can't solve everything. But I can listen.
Betty Weiler:
Yep. So, what you're hearing is that mentors are human beings, but, and they do want to help you. But you have to approach them with a positive attitude. You have to approach a mentor, I expect my mentees if I talk about it from my perspective, is to be self-aware, to learn about what their limitations are and then to work on those. And find ways of working on those besides just having a chat with me. If they need to go do a workshop on public speaking, then go and do it. If they need to go do, get some research skills because they don't have those research skills, I'm not gonna sit in my office for an hour and teach them how to do quantitative methods. They're gonna have to go and find some ways of solving their own problems. I do expect honesty, and I do expect people to tell me what they're limitations are as a mentee.
Betty Weiler:
So, I don't want them to hide those things from me. I want them to say, "Look, I don't feel "very confident in this. "And I don't feel like I know where to go for these things." That's another thing is if they're looking to me to find where the answers are. Another thing though, I should say, in terms of my own relationship with mentees, is that I actually want to learn something from them. Ooh, that's a bit cheeky of me. But you know, I think it is, it's gotta be any good relationship is two-way. And there's gotta be something for both parties. And some of it is, I've got a little I think cartoon up here that says, "Yes, the mentoring session went very well. "I think even my mentee learned something."
Betty Weiler:
So, I often come away from my mentoring meetings feeling like, "Oh, maybe I learned more than they did." Learning, but also just of course, that sense of satisfaction. So, that's often why people mentor. OK. So that's all great. How are you gonna find this wonderful person that's gonna be your mentor or mentors? You're gonna have maybe more than one. And I don't think the answer is that they're gonna find you. I don't think it works that way. I don't think that you can expect people to go out saying, "Oh, I'd just love to mentor you. Come into my office." You need to get the confidence to go up to people and approach them, not in a public place or anything. But make an appointment and so on. So, I want you to talk to the person beside you in this audience right now. I'm gonna give you about five minutes to do this. And you can do it in two people, with two people or three. And I'm going, I want you to talk about what are the things that you would say. You're now going to approach somebody that you've never approached before and ask them to be a mentor. What are the things that you would want to talk to them? To say to them in your first communication with them to broker that sort of opportunity. So, just have a chat with somebody beside you. Hopefully it's somebody you don't know, and you can introduce yourself. (talking and chatter)