A Towel Obsession
Once on an episode of "Friends," Monica and Rachel played a game of who-knows-who better with Chandler and Joey. Chandler and Joey won in the lightning round by correctly guessing that Monica (who was known for her anal-retentive qualities) had eleven categories of towels. Then the audience shared a big laugh because who is crazy enough to have categories of towels? What a joke! My family got to have an even bigger laugh because the joke was on my dad. He has a towel obsession and actually does categorize his towels. At last count, there are fifteen categories of towels at my parent’s house.
Some categories are the obvious categories that most people possess. Those towels need little explanation. "Hand-towels and washcloths" make up our first category. That particular grouping is self-explanatory.
Next is "good bath towels" which consists of all the newer bath towels that match the ever-changing décor of the bathrooms. Due to that ever changing décor we are also left with "secondary bath towels." These towels are still good enough to use but they don’t match. They are forced to live in a closet instead of on racks. Dad is pretty much the only one that who uses them, unless it’s laundry day. We would use them for guests if "guest towels" were not our fourth separate faction of towels.
Other areas of the house require towels as well. The fifth group of towels is "kitchen towels," which includes basic dish towels. It would be easy to subcategorize here and mention that some dishtowels include holiday themes, but then I would end up with way more categories than I want to write about.
Next would be "garage towels." Those are towels designated for car washing, and any other random garage needs. These towels are generally crappier than any other towels in the house.
Around group seven is where things start getting more interesting and need far more explaining. Our family has always been heavily involved in water activities. Groups seven and eight include "pool towels" and "spa towels." Most would think that because these two activities take place less than twenty feet apart that they would only need one category. Not in my house. My dad, who is continually buying new towels, needs to create new categories to fit them into. It gets confusing on the days we use both the pool and spa. I’m never quite sure which towel I’m supposed to use. I prefer the bigger, nicer pool towels.
Our family owns a beautiful yellow Labrador named Shelby. "Dog towels" make up our ninth class. These are special towels for Shelby to get dried off with after she gets to go swimming or boating with us. She doesn’t get her own bath towels, because our spoiled Lab has regular appointments at the groomer.
My family are also avid boaters and campers. Our outdoor activities lead us through most of the remaining categories. Group ten is "boat towels." Those towels reside in a designated boat towel bag that is always ready to go, even in the middle of January. We’re not really apt to go boating in the middle of January, but that bag sits in readiness for anyone who might want to go skiing. Occasionally, it gets emptied for "beach towels." Ocean trips were one of my favorite parts of growing up. That is possibly because beach towels are my favorite class of towel. Those towels are big and bright with colorful patterns. They are thick and warm. They are perfect for drying off after a chilly dip in the pacific and for lying out in the sun.
Category twelve could possibly be divided into two categories. "RV towels" are towels that are kept in the motor homes. That is not a typo, we have two motor homes.We have a Champion that my family purchased for trips and camping, and a nicer Winnebago given to us by my grandparents. RV towels are for showers in the motor home or for rare campground showers. So far towels have been able to travel between the two RV’s, but I’m positive that at some point in the future they will be specifically for one RV or the other.
The nastiest faction is "fish towels." These towels are the dingy, disgusting towels we use when we go fishing. They are what you wipe your hands on after loading up a fish hook with bait. They are also what you use after catching a fish. There are around for use during the messy job of cleaning fish. They often need to be soaked in bleach overnight because they get so gross.
The next category makes anyone who hears about it laugh. Before explaining what a "Marshmallow-stick towel" is, I must first explain what a marshmallow-stick is. A marshmallow-stick is the metal stick you buy that has two prongs at one end for roasting marshmallow over campfires. The preferred method of getting marshmallow gunk off of it is to burn it off. They get pretty messy. So for the longest time we rolled them in a normal towel when we were done with them, so they wouldn’t make a mess when packing them. That was the first generation "marshmallow-stick towel." Then one of our close family friends decided a great gift for my towel-obsessed father would be a new, custom "marshmallow-stick towel." She laid out a large beach towel and folded it one-third over the long way. Then she sewed individual pockets to put the sticks in and rolled it up. She also added ties to keep it closed, and a handle to carry it with. My dad loves his "marshmallow-stick towel."
Our last category is made up of towels that find their way into other categories. They are the "stolen or forgotten towels." Anyone who leaves a towel at my house will probably never see it again. It will be a forgotten towel that will probably also be a pool or spa towel later. When my family went to Hawaii on vacation on the Hilton Hawaii resort, the complimentary beach towels made their way into my dad’s luggage. They are now boat towels: stolen boat towels, actually. Stolen/forgotten towels often assimilate themselves into other categories.
I’ve never thought to count the probably hundreds of towels in my parent’s house. The different categories have always made my brothers, my mom, and I laugh. We often use towels with reckless disregard despite what category they belong in. To us a towel is just a towel (except a fish towel which no one will touch if it can be avoided). According to "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" a towel isthe most important thing one can own and my dad sure knows where his towels are.