ROCKY IX:
The Ninth Chapter
Written By: Brandon Noel Keith
February 17th, 2008
After Rocky’s victory over Toxie, another challenges the title. Wondering if he’ll ever really get to retire… Rocky Balboa comes clean. Cough! Cough!
WE OPEN ON: BALBOA HOUSE- First Hour
INT. BEDROOM
Rocky Balboa lies with Adrian on their king sized bed.
ROCKY: You know, Adrian… I think it’s about time, you know… we tell everyone about our two adoptions. You know?
ADRIAN: Okay, Rocky.
Rocky reaches for the telephone.
FLASH TO- Spinning Newspaper
A picture of Rocky and Adrian on the front page! Headline reads “Boxing Champion Never Had Sex with Wife of Thirty-Two Years!”
CUT TO: WINDMILL- Storm Cloudy Night
Thunder rolls in the distance, and we pan away from the old burning barn, where Rocky’s last match took place. Cough! Cough! Into the windmill’s window. Tippety top.
INT. WINDMILL ROOM
Travolto plays cards with Marky Mark. They both sit, legs crossed, staring down at the scattered deck.
TRAVOLTO: Oh my God! I’m bored. Oh my God!
MARKY MARK: Yeah! Yeah! Travolto’s bored! Yeah! Yeah!
Footsteps coming up the set of stairs. Rain sprinkles outside. Travolto and Marky turn to the approaching figure.
MARKY MARK: Huh? Yer supposed to be dead! Wha?
The figure in shadows, wearing a fedora and bloody yellow jacket pulls up a tommy-gun and fires rapidly! Marky Mark is killed, and Travolto stands up, picking the cards up with haste.
TRAVOLTO: Shit… just remembered! My wife, Killa Presto is making my rice. Oh my God, I just thought I’d fuck her like Cruise Control in “Jerry, Yer Fired!” So… see yah!
FAMILIAR VOICE: You’re not going anywhere.
TRAVOLTO: (busting out laughing) Oh my God! Yer killing me, Oh my God!
The unseen man opens fire! A load of bullets into Travolto’s chest! He falls back dancing!
TRAVOLTO: Oh my GOD! YER KILLING ME!!! Oh my GOD!!
Travolto falls back dead and the figure walks out of the room.
CUT TO: FUNERAL HILL- Next Morning, Raining
Rocky stands next to Adrian, who stands next to President SphagettiO. They stand before Travolto and Marky’s tombstones.
PRESIDENT: It’s a damn shame.
ADRIAN: Sure is.
ROCKY: There’s somethin’ botherin’ me though.
PRESIDENT: Don’t you have another fight coming up, Rock?
ROCKY: About the killer. The witness, who was he?
PRESIDENT: Mick, remember?
ROCKY: And he said he saw a man in a yellow jacket and fedora… but…
Pan over past Awesome-O 4000’s grave… to Dick Tracy’s grave.
ROCKY: (cont.) You’ll find Tracy’s grave untouched. Who else wears a yellow jacket and hat?
ADRIAN: (in a daze) There’s no one else. (staring at the engraved name) The man was brilliant about fashion.
We pan away from the three, behind a tree… where the yellow jacket and fedora rest on a branch.
CUT TO: WHITE HOUSE- Later That Day, Lightning Striking
INT. LAVATORY
Adrian stands next to Rocky, who’s seated. The President rests in the sink.
ADRIAN: What’s that smell?
ROCKY: Shut up.
PRESIDENT: So, you two never had sex in your thirty-two years of marriage? That’s… wow.
ADRIAN: No… a talking can of spaghetti-O’s, who becomes President. THAT’S… wow.
PRESIDENT: (Connery Impersonation) Huh… good point!
ADRIAN: (turning to Rocky) Let’s do it, now, Rocky! I’m ready!
ROCKY: Promise you won’t think of Dennis?
Adrian nods… taking off her clothes. Rocky smiles, scanning her up to… uuh… oh, shit.
ROCKY: What the FUCK?!
Pan down to Adrian who’s got a… instead of a…
Rocky Balboa PUKES RIGHT ON IT! All over Adrian, and now the entire room is filling up with rotten, horrible smelling throw up.
EXT. YARD
The White House fills with Rocky’s puke and then it throbs within. The house soon IMPLODES! Rocky and the President slide down on Adrian’s corpse! They land face to face with Mick and… Apollo Creed!
ROCKY: Apollo?!
APOLLO: (in his boxing attire) It’s me, Stallion! I’m back.
ROCKY: (stunned) But… how?
APOLLO: I want a rematch! With the dirtbag who calls himself a boxer, Ivan Drago!
ROCKY: He fell off a rocking horse, he’s dead. YOU’RE supposed to be dead!
APOLLO: I was, but now I’ve decided I want a rematch.
MICK: We want you back, Rocko! So stop hanging around those cock munchers, and let’s get down to business.
Rocky halts, now backing away in horror.
ROCKY: Wait a minute! YOU killed Travolto and Marky!
APOLLO: (laughing) Yer damn right I did! Haha!
PRESIDENT: Why did you frame Dick Tracy?
FLASH TO- Street, Cold Breeze
Hamburger Face pulls over a man in a Malibu.
HAMBURGER: Licence and registration, please.
MALIBU MAN: (stepping out of car) That’s it, you’re under arrest! Give me your handcuffs.
Hamburger Face gives Malibu man his cheese handcuffs.
HAMBURGER FACE: (being cuffed) You can’t do this!! I’ve got a wife and two buns!
MALIBU MAN: Citizen’s arrest, now get in the trunk!
FLASH BACK TO-
The White House Yard. Rocky is eating from the President’s head. The President is now… dead.
ROCKY: Interesting story. But that doesn’t explain why you framed Dick Tracy.
MICK: Oh, I guess it doesn’t.
APOLLO: Look, Stallion… I didn’t come back from the dead to chit chat! I came to whoop some ass!
ROCKY: I’m supposed to have one more match.
APOLLO: You haven’t retired yet?
Rocky shakes his head. Apollo suddenly shakes his, too. Mick starts to shake his… when he falls down.
MICK: (muffled) My heart.
Rocky kneels down, and begins to cry.
ROCKY: Mick?! MICK??!! Oh my God! MICK!! NO! NO! NOOO!!!
MICK: (weakened by heart attack) Give me the gun.
Apollo hands Mick a pistol.
MICK: (cont.) Now walk away. The both of you!
ROCKY: MIIIIIICCCCCKKK!!! No, no! NOOOooo!! MICK!!!
MICK: Walk away, you stupid son of a bitch. (Rocky snorts in sadness) Walk… the FUCK… away!
Apollo leads Rocky away. Now a gunshot! Mick’s brains SPLATTERS on the two’s backs!
CUT TO: GIANT BOX OF CEREAL ARENA FLOATING ABOVE THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Rocky in one corner… Tony the Tiger in the other.
ROCKY: (advancing- punching his fists) Yer goin’ down, Tony!
The End