This week was a bit physically and emotionally trying for me. Of course with being a teacher in a TAKS grade I had to deal with the stress of TAKS day with the students, and I stayed behind for two days to help my AP pack and bundle up the tests until late at night. I learned a lot about how detailed and organized you have to be especially when dealing with the security issues of the TAKS test. I took this responsibility as if I was the one who would be held accountable if something was done incorrectly. I learned that it is very important to be aware of policies and procedures, or at least have them handy and close by, and to double check everything that you do. The problem that I am undergoing at this time unfortunately( and I did not expect this), was the transitioning from teacher at my own school to an administrator's role.
I got a rude awakening on Friday. I am trying to learn from it, but emotionally I feel trapped and a little bit betrayed. Here is what happened. On TAKS day, we had monitors come down from the district to make sure that all security measures were being followed. I had just come back from taking my students to the bathroom before I was going to administer the test when one of my students came rushing up to me to tell me that someone was about to rip down the bulletins that I had hanging in the hallway. Of course I went out into the hallway ( full teacher mode) to see what was going on. I noticed some of the parent volunteers in our wing of the hallway tearing down bulletins with students work and all. I had already covered up all of my bulletins that had anything to do with Reading and only a math shape project was left showing. The volunteers told me that they were instructed by my AP and the counselor to tear down all bulletin boards since there was no time to cover them up.
I had already noticed that a few teachers were already upset at the destruction of projects that had been worked on by themselves and their students. I told the volunteers that they were not going to tear down my bulletins that I had worked hard on especially when it had nothing do with reading or writing. ( sorry this is so long). I told them that I had black butcher paper right in my room, and I can quickly cover them up-so I did.
A few hours later when I had taken my students for another bathroom break, I had passed my Principal talking to one of the teachers who was upset and telling her about how her bulletins were just ripped down and destroyed. I paused to see what explanation would be given. The principal told her that the monitor had told them to cover the bulletins, but she did not tell anyone to just rip them down. The teacher told my Principal that the AP and the counselor had told the volunteers that they should be ripped down. I told my Principal that I managed to get to mine just in time, and was able to cover them up. She said good because it was a shame that this had to happen and someone must have panicked.
At the end of the day, some of us were talking about what happened with the bulletin boards and I told them that I had managed to cover mine up just in time. I was told that the counselor was the one that was making sure that everything was ripped down, but I told them well the day is over and done and I am sure the monitors can put at least the butcher papers back up.
A few days went by and I did not think anything else about the conversation. As a matter of fact my Principal told me that she felt like a warden the way she had to walk and monitor, and she felt that it was a shame that testing for the students had to come to that-her words.
Anyway, during a meeting about my At-Risk kids with the counselor and the AP, my AP told me that she had something that she wanted to discuss with me. She then said that she wants to say this in front of the counselor as a witness. She told me that if I disagree with any decision that she or my Principal makes I am to come to her or my Principal and talk to them not to any teachers. At first I did not even know what she was talking about, so I asked her. She told me that word had reached her that I did not like the decision to have the bulletin boards ripped down.
She told me that as an intern, I am a part of the administrative team and I have to keep my feelings to myself if I am in disagreement. I told her that I was having a passing conversation with my friends, and I did not state any opinions except that I did not let anybody tear down my bulletin board. I was at this time very embarrassed because she was saying this in front of the counselor who was one of the ones ripping down the boards, and I felt like I was being reprimanded since she wanted the counselor there as a witness.
She told me that I have to start breaking off my relationships with my teacher friends, and begin to realize that it is lonely at the top. I felt embarrassed, and betrayed-because she was saying what I thought should be confidential criticism in front of another person-whose sister is also in my grade level, and I felt that she took a simple conversation to heart since even now all of the teachers are still angry at her and the counselor for having their boards ripped down, and have been complaining to the Principal. I did not such complaining. I then told my AP thank you for the words of advice. It would not happen again, and I left. She is not my mentor, my Principal is-but sometimes I am assigned to work with her.
Later on that evening after reading some of my intern textbook, they did mention the difficulty that I would go through interning at my own school with friends. I got from the reading that there is a transitional stage from being a teacher to being an administrator. I will of course remember that and deal with the transition-but I wish that the talk that my AP gave to me would not have been in front of another person and so crudely put. I was not doing interning hours at that time; I was a teacher who was in her office to talk about my at-risk kids!
To tell someone not to associate with any teacher at your school is asking for a lonely time especially after internship time is over. I am aware that there will be some isolation as I take on more Admin duties, but I do not feel it is fair to just brush of my friends. I think that during Internship 2 , I may go to another campus, so I do not have to be put in that position again. I will learn from this-it was a hard lesson, and for the sake of my internship and procedures I will keep even the slightest opinion to myself. I am sure that she was only trying to help me, yet in another way I felt that with the teachers being upset at her and the counselor, and since I was a teacher she had to justify her actions to someone.
Oh-I also learned that we did not have to take down any bulletins that had a different content area, that the monitors at our school gave wrong information. I of course will keep that bit of information to myself. And when I become an administrator I hope that I will have the tact to handle people a bit more gently!