Screen Play
The Stupid Family-Episode One
Written: Eric Fredrickson
Copyright (c) 2010
The Stupid Family Episode One:
[Scene opens with the characters Rex and Isabella in there respected chairs texting and playing on their phones then come]
Isabella: Hey, Rex When is that new kid coming?
Rex: I don’t know but I hope he’s cool
Isabella: and cute
Rex: Stay away from me takes the baby instead
Frank: Bite Me
Rex: Gross,
Frank: Yum
Rex: Time to go back in your fort
[Frank goes under his fort]
[Then comes a knock at the door and Herbert voice outside]
Herbert: Good Bye Old Lady thanks for the ride. That was weird she tried to give me some kind of hand signal. One finger in the middle I wonder what that means
Rex: I wonder who that could be.
Herbert: Hello
Rex: Take my brother and sister I don’t taste good I am nothing but bone
Herbert: Hello
Rex: Well hello
Herbert: want to hear a story
All: Yeah
Herbert: Well, my mom was sitting in grass shack one day and she said now that I am a full time hobo you will have to go out on your own and find your own trash. So I did your mom she is my trash as my mom said” stick to your trash can forever it feeds you.
Rex: Wow great story
Isabella: Your stupid might as well call us the stupid family
[Theme Song]
(Herbert Cyr;s)
Herbert: Don’t call me that my mom always said special.
[ Waldo and Bob come bursting through the door]
Bob: Oh Cake
Rex: Well hello Bob
Bob: Hello
Herbert: [ he gives him a hug]
Bob: Oh I don’t really like hugs. Your touching me, touching me{screams]
Rex: Ok if you going to like Kelly don’t freak if she ever touches u.
Bob: you don’t touch people when your dating
Herbert: well no your tongues do though
Waldo: Hey Guys, what flavor is this lollipop I think it’s vomit
Herbert: yeah my mom sometimes feed me vomit but she called it soup and she said only high class people have it like us.
Isabella: High Class alright
Rex: Why do you sya that Waldo?
Waldo: Well there is some pink thing in this blow pop
Bob: that the gum you dummy, a blow pop, you blow the gum
Isabella: Wow we really are the stupid family
[all cry]
Isabella: Oh Come on
Herbert: Isabella ay I please sit on your lap.
Isabella: No
Herbert: Oh Come On
[Herbert sit on Isabella’s Lap]
Herbert: I feel better Sister
Isabella: Ugh
[Mr.Stranberg]
Mr.Stranberg: Hello, My Name is Mr.Stranberg I am your neighbor your name is
Herbert: Herbert
Mr.Stranberg: Well welcome of the neighborhood, well nice to meet you
[Mr.Stranberg Exits]
Isabella: Wow Herbert I am really surprised because of the way you acted back there why?
Herbert: Cause isn’t that Kelly’s Father?
Isabella: Yeah?
Herbert: Well today I stepped out of the car and this beautiful face smiled and waved at me and at that moment I felt smart and waved gently back.
Isabella: Sounds like you really like her
Herbert: Yeah, Blonde Beautiful Woman
Isabella: Herbert this has been a moment that you acted smart this girl makes you smart that means something special inside here. So there’s something more than just that?
Herbert: Ok well she came over to me and gave me a hug for a long time and then said this “Welcome to the neighborhood and walked away.”
Isabella: Oh my good this feels so like a teen romance movie like that one where the eighth grade boy falls in love with that girl.
Bob: Flipped
Isabella: No the one where’s the red head and everyone hates her but this boy likes her
Bob: Flipped
Isabella: Why do you keep saying that?
[Hobo pops out form behind a Garbage can]
Hobo: Well hello my precious…
Isabella: get away you creep
Hobo: Hello I have never seen you what’s you name
Herbert: Herbert
Hobo: well hello then
Herbert: you smell like beans
Waldo: Wait why would he smell like beans
Herbert: It’s a hobo Thing they have constest and who can eat the most beans win the other ones beans
Bob: Well That’s Stupid
[ the scene cuts back to the gang sitting in the living room
Bob: Well all we can do know is wait, wait for a adventure for the stupid family
Voice: The Next Day
(Shot opens with family bored in chairs)
Isabella: What are we going to do today?
Rex: Let’s play tic tack toe and whoever wins gets this last thin mint
Waldo: Yeah
Frank: That’s Stupid!!
Herbert: Hey Guys Lets Go the Zoo
Bob: The Zoo there aren’t any of those in a 100 mile radius
Herbert: And how would you know that
Bob: um Google Earth
Herbert: Is a earth something that’s big
Frank: Ok course it’s big you big fat dumb idiot
Rex: Who their Frank I think he’s losing his temp
Waldo: Let’s Check It
Rex: Yeah
Waldo: His Temp is 180
Rex: Oh no man your own fire stop drop and role
Bob: You idiots that normal body temp.
Both: Oh……………………
Isabella: So Herbert Where is this Zoo
Hobo: Right in your back yard folks
All: What
Herbert: It’s The Zoo of Cardboard Cut Out Zoo
Hobo, Waldo, Frank, Rex: Yeah
Isabella, Frank, Bob: Yeah (Sarcastically)
Hobo: Come on guys this Zoo features 100 different card board cut out and there is a couple of pretty girls
Waldo: Card Board Ones
Hobo: You Got It
Rex: Yeah we get to flirt with cardboard
Herbert: This Time it won’t reject us
All: Yeah
Isabella: Idiots
Bob: I guess another adventure with this Stupid Family is worthwhile.
(Scene opens there is a bunch of card board pieces all over the place some pizza boxes and some regular boxes that look nothing like animals they are suppose to be)
Zoo Keeper: Hello Admission is $10
Herbert: I only got ten pieces of card board
Zoo Kipper: I’m sorry the manger has to get his nutty bar at the gas station.
Herbert: Ok Money Please
Bob: What The Heck I don’t need it any way.
Zoo Keeper: Just a second the manger says I need to feed the cardboard Lion some more Cardboard Steak)
Mr. Stranberg: Ok What The Heck is going on over here?
Isabella: The Hobo built a Zoo out of car board in your backyard and is charging us $10 bucks to get in.
Mr. Sternberg: Hobo!!
Hobo: Yes Sir
Mr. Sternberg: Oh No I Forgot you filled with germs
Hobo: Want a hug?
Mr. Stranberg: I’ll be back with a warning from the court
Hobo: Ok here’s a free admission ticket
(Stranberg runs away)
(We See Bob in a fixed trance)
Isabella: Hey Bob Whatcha Starring At?
Bob: Kelly
Isabella: You Mean Mr.Stranbergs Daughter
Bob: Yes she so graceful
Isabella: Ask her out
Bob: No way she’s head cheerleader and I am just a stuck up book nerd
Isabella: Well you do probably got a better chance than Herbert does of ever finding a girl
Bob: Yeah you’re probably right
Waldo: Let’s Get To the Zoo Already
Herbert: Guess What I Just Got a Date?
Bob: With Whom
Herbert: Kelly Stranberg
(Bob faints)
Rex: Oh Herbert you have scored she is definitely the hottest girl at our school.
Herbert: Why did Bob Faint?
Waldo: I don’t know
Hobo: Oh no my son has just fainted
Isabella: Wait Mr. Hobo did you just say Bob was your son.
Hobo: Um… No
Isabella: Great cause that would have been the worst thing ever because no one would ever want a father like you
Hobo: I Know
Zoo Keeper: Ok Kids who ready to take a tour through the Zoo
Hobo: Um..
Zoo Keeper: Wait what just happened here?
Rex: I’ll Fill You In Bob fainted because Herbert has a date with Kelly the most hottest girl ever. Hobo is actually Bob’s father we just got to keep it a secret because he Hobo. And you here
Zoo Keeper: Thanks Kid
Rex: Hey Zoo Keeper
Zoo Keeper: What Kid and the names Zack
Rex: Zack want to see me fly
Zoo Keeper: No
Rex: Ok if you insist
(He just tryst to flutter)
Rex: See
Zoo Keeper: Yeah now move were going to have to start the tour
Frank: Hey Mr. may I clean your hole
Zoo Keeper: no way you’re cleaning my crack
Rex: He means your nose, he does not like boggers
Zoo Keeper: ok none of that either
Hobo: Ok Ready to Start the Tour.
All: Yes
Hobo: This Park you are standing on was established yesterday and will be open forever and ever as the world greatest and only card board cut out zoo. This park has over one exhibit that the most this park will have or ever have. This exhibit is of the king of the cardboard species it is the Lion. The lions likes paper and his name is Kevin everyone say hello Kevin.
All: Hello Kevin
Frank: Say anything more hobo and I will bite you
Hobo:: I love you too Frankie but not in that way. Moving On
Frank: Huh?
Hobo: Any Questions
Bob: Yeah how does this amount to a zoo you use to have plenty more exhibits
Zoo Keeper: That was until Mr.Stanberg caught us playing tic tack toe with his daughter and called the cops and we got a restraining order from him and his daughter
Isabella: And looks like our parents passed a restraining order from us and them.
Bob: Bye Bye Hobo
Zoo Keeper: I guess I can go get some food behind the drug store they seem to have circled shape tablets of joy and vitamins that are healthy.
Herbert: Hobo I want you to always know that I will love you
Bob: Get Out
Rex: So what do we do now?
Bob: Well another day has passed us soon will probably find another adventure for this clan.
Herbert: Oh Bye Guys
Rex: Where are you going?
Herbert: To go on my date
(Bob faints)
Waldo: I just realized this but tomorrow am Christmas
Bob: Looks like we found our adventure
Rex: Yeah the first Valentines of the Stupid Family
Waldo: I am going to go as a tootsie roll
Hobo: I am going as a hobo
Bob: Hey Hobo I thought we told you to stay out.
Hobo: Yeah I am I am 15 ft. away from you
Bob: Really
Hobo: No it’s suppose to be 100
Bob: Then Get Out
Rex: I am going as the sky
Isabella: Wait maybe we should dress up as Zombies
Frank: Yeah I love flesh
Rex: Whoa Little Brother is cannibal
Herbert: Well something new happens all the time
Bob: Looks like are stories have just begun
Voice: The Next Day
Rex: Hey Guys
All: Yeah
Rex: Where Waldo? Me and him were playing hide and seek then I sat down and he disappeared
Bob: Gang looks like we have a mystery to solve
(All stare at him)
Bob: What I just added humor to the moment
Isabella: No I did not
Frank: Heck No
Rex: Gang Maybe We Should goes to the crime scene?
Isabella: Which is?
Rex: Near The Bathroom where I was tying my shoes
Frank: Franky Danky Doo
(Scene Switches)
Rex: Gang I think I found something?
All: What?
Rex: A spit sample
Bob: That’s a Clue
Rex: now I will take it back and put it with my collection
Bob: Wait you have a collection of spit samples
Rex: yep my most recent one is Chuck Norris who then threaten to Karate chop me to death.
Isabella: When was this?
Rex: The night I snuck out to a bar
Isabella: oh yeah mom was there and you got put in your room for 12 hours
Bob: dun duh dun
Frank: Alcoholic
Rex: Guys let’s get back on track
Isabella: that’s right Waldo can’t be missing him my missing lollipop to my heart.
Rex: Really he’s the lollipop to my heart.
Frank: Ok Guys Lets Check The Normal Places he goes
Rex: Right
( Cut scene in the back yard playground)
Isabella: Bob what’s wrong?
Bob: Nothing it just that I cannot believe that Kelly is attracted to Herbert I am a finnier suitor then he is.
Isabella: I can see why you would be upset by that.
Bob: Can I tell you a secret
Isabella: What?
Bob: I have never had a girlfriend
Isabella: Me neither
Bob: Isabella I was wondering if you wanted to go on a…
Isabella: Date
Bob: yeah,
Isabella: I would love to.
Bob: Great how about we sit right next to Kelly and Herbert tomorrow at Proctor Pizza
Isabella: Sounds Great
(They Hug)
Bob: you’re the best girlfriend ever I am 14
Isabella: and I am nine
Bob: but age does not matter as long as you love them.
Both: Ha (Sarcastically then stare)
(Isabella walks away then Mr.Stranberg enters)
Mr. Stranberg: Bob
Bob: Yes
Mr. Stranberg: We need some way to break up my daughter with Herbert it’s gross
Bob: I know I cannot even believe that? How did it happen anyway?
Mr.Stranberg: Well Kelly was outside with her Cheer uniform and she asked Herbert to come over there. Then they talked for about 10 minutes she was laughing a lot. Then she invited him inside for some lemonade they talked over it and again she was laughing. Then he was about to leave to go to the Hobo’s zoo thing. When Kelly said to him these very words. “Herbert I want to ask you something “He was like what? She was like well do you have a girlfriend? He said no so then she was like that really surprising because your so cute and have the most beautiful eyes ever and you have a great personality. He said Kelly on the first day you came to this school I knew you were the one and yeah he asked her to a movie.
Bob: and how do you know this?
Mr.Stranberg: oh I record every conversation in my house with a stuff animal that sits right next to the kitchen then a picnic basket that sits outside and a lamp shade in both out bedroom these all have hidden recorders on them.
Bob: Wow Creep
Mr.Stranberg: Shut up I am not a creep just a helicopter parent.
Bob: Which in Latin means Creep?
Mr. Stranberg: Gosh Dang It I am not a creep
Bob: Hey since you’re a creep you should listen to that song by lonely island and learn the creep next time you want to peak in on one of your daughters conversations.
Mr. Stranberg: Bob you stink I hate you and you’re a nerd who can’t keep his mouth shut.
(Pretends to cry)
Mr.Stranberg: No please don’t cries just tell me how your goanna break them up.
Bob: ok right now I am dating Isabella
Mr.Stranberg: Wait isn’t she like nine
Bob: so age does not matter
Mr.Stranberg: and look who calling who a creep you’re the creep dude.
Bob: ok you made a point but back to the plan
Mr.Stranberg: Ok
Bob: well you know how they have a date to Proctor Pizza
Mr.Stranberg: Yeah
Bob: well I and Isabella will romaticzizing and then she will fall for me.
Mr.Stranberg: well sucky plan but worth a try.if you’ll excuse me I need to take a crap then change into my diapers then clean up my sheets from the accident I made last.
Bob: ok that’s enough details
Mr.Starnberg: Bye
Bob: Bye