From Debra Santulli-Barone, Coordinator

of Stefan Barone, Founder of Anti-Bully Support Group, “Play it Forward,”

In response to Online Chatter “Bullies Common, Tough to Control” West shore Nov. 14, 2012:

TO THE PARENTS OF BULLIES

“Play It Forward,” Anti-Bully Support Group, a coalition of parents, adults, teens, children, politicians, professionals, and police who use their voices to end this epidemic. It has to end here!! We need to go into schools, churches, preschools, sport facilities, and step by step encourage parents and adults to teach their children that TEASING, BULLYING, AND VIOLENCE WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. We cannot leave this responsibility solely to the Dept of Education or the authorities. Why should they keep cleaning up the mess?

It is time to go out there and reach parents of young children. These are the children of the future; the children that might run or ruin our country. These are the children that could make this country better, with our help, guidance, and the help of their parents. Parents need to step up and teach what is right and wrong.

As the coordinator of an anti-bully support group, I have had the honor of meeting the parents of children who have been teased, bullied, and hit. These parents have carried the burden for too long trying to pick up the pieces to help their children. They are busy trying to survive, not sleeping, talking to school officials, police, and politicians, dragging their kids to doctors, psychologist, putting them in sports, and having to change schools. They are doing everything possible to raise a healthy child who can learn to trust again and to survive in this world. Most importantly, they are trying to raise a child (who has been victimized) that won’t be angry or turn into a bully, or worse, walk into school one day and re-event another Columbine. These diligent parents work tirelessly to someday bring up well-functioning adults. Why? Because, we as parents, owe it to our children, our community, and even our country. All of us, including myself, have spent thousands of dollars on therapy and hours dedicating our time to help our children. And through our tears, blood, sweat, and energy, we have prayed that our children won’t commit suicide. We don’t sleep at night!!! We are too busy worrying when our children walk out the door, walk through the neighborhood, travel by train. Think for a moment how a child or teen must feel after being teased, bullied, or hit. There is a sense of alarm; always having to be alert, on guard, and wondering if anything will happen when a bunch of youths pass by. There is a lack of trust when his/her own friends turn against them. It never truly goes away.

How do you think we, as parents, feel when we see the fear in a child’s eyes? It brings us to tears. We go out there helping kids/teens that have been bullied. We are saddened by their stories. We reach out, hold a hand and try to reassure them. We listen to the parents who cry and we feel their pain too. We commend the brave children who come in to talk about their experience and thank the parents who reach out for help.

Well, where are the parents of these bullies? Do they sleep at night? Maybe they are unaware of the problem. Maybe they feel hopeless and helpless too because they do not know what to do. Maybe they too are frightened by their child. All I can say is…….please help your child, talk to them, or bring them to therapy. All of us are spending thousands bringing our kids to therapy due to the aftermath of being bullied, teased, hit, dehumanized, and demoralized. Spend your money productively, instead of buying more toys, cars, clothes, etc. Help your kids because if you don’t, they will someday be behind bars; and then you cannot help them. It will be too late for them.

Do something NOW, for them, the community, and for your family. Whatever it takes, they are your kids. Do this for them. If you are alone, or a single parent, I realize it will be tough, but that is NO EXCUSE. I have met single parents who have to cry alone, pay therapist alone, talk to authorities alone, and reassure their kids alone. These fine parents bring their children to a support group, change schools, and do everything in their power to ensure that their kid will be safe and learn to work this out in a non-violent way.

I commend the parents and kids who carry this burden. But….we, the parents, are tired of picking up the pieces from this mess. We now hand the torch over to the parents who have kids that tease, bully, and hit.

I commend my son, Stefan Barone, an adult now, founder of “Play It Forward” Anti-Bully Support Group, who was teased and bullied as a child. As a teen, Stefan was interviewed by Connie Chung of 20/20 and by Charles Gibson of Good Morning America to talk about his experience and to raise awareness. Now, he helps other kids with his support group.

Many thanks to Senator Andrew J. Lanza for his support to end bullying, Dr. Melvin Koplow for his attendance at the meetings. Dr. Koplow has dedicated a website to help kids:

www.drmdk.com/Bullying/Index_Bullying.html. Also, Psychologist, Izzy Kalman, for his book, “Bullies to Buddies” How to Turn Your Enemies Into Friends”. But more importantly, I thank the two adults that came in to talk about their experiences of being teased and bullied as children, Jonathan L. and Tamer. Tamer Mahmoud has been extremely helpful by reaching out to various organizations and children. Jonathan L. has reached out to schools to spread awareness of the group and is writing a play about the subject. The Staten Island Advance has covered the story of the group and lists the dates, thank you. The Rossville A.M.E. Zion Church, Reverend Janet Jones, has graciously opened her doors for the group, we are all grateful.

From,

Debra Santulli-Barone, Coordinator of “Play It Forward” Anti-Bully Support Group

The next Support Group Meeting: Monday, November 26, 2012 from 4:30 – 6:30 pm

Location: The Rossville A.M.E. Zion Church Basement

584 Bloomingdale Road, Staten Island, NY

Contact Info: Stefan Barone 646 239-1825