Jamie Knopf 1
Parenting Styles and Family Systems
found in the movie Parenthood
Jamie Knopf
SOC 545
11.30.09
Jamie Knopf
Parenthood Assignment
11.30.09
The movie, Parenthood (1989), tells the story of the Buckman family. Frank and Marilyn Buckman have four grown children: Gil, Helen, Susan and Larry. Each of their children has their own families and their own struggles with parenting.
Gil Buckman, the oldest son, is married to Karen. Gil and Karen have three children, Kevin, Taylor, and Justin. Helen is divorced and has two children: Julie, who marries Tod, and Gary. Susan is married to her husband, Nathan and they have one daughter, Patty. Larry, the youngest of the Buckman children, is considered the “black sheep” and surprises the family with his son, Cool. In this paper, I will discuss the dynamics of their family system and life stages.
In the movie, the Buckman family shows an example of a nuclear and an extended family system. A nuclear family, “is composed of two interacting units (two partners) and their biological or adopted children” (Cooney & Tallman, 4). That would be Frank, Marilyn and their four children. An extended family, “is composed of the people included in the nuclear family plus related kin who may or may not share the same household” (Cooney & Tallman, 4).
Within the Buckman family system, there is a family of orientation and a family of procreation. Gil’s family of orientation would be with Frank and Marilyn and his siblings. His family of procreation is with his wife, Karen and their three children.
There were boundaries found in the Buckman family system. Boundaries, “are invisible barriers that separate a system…from the outside environment” (Cooney & Tallman). One example from the movie would be the boundary between the Gil Buckman family and the Susan Buckman family. Susan’s husband, Nathan, wanted their daughter, Patty to be the very best she could be. Gil also wanted this for his children. However, their ideas of what that meant were different. Nathan taught Patty about square roots and the periodic table and she wasn’t even in preschool yet. Gil focused more on his relationship with his children and wasn’t as worried about his children being geniuses. He just wanted them to be happy and healthy. This created some boundaries between the two families. Nathan didn’t want Patty to spend a week at Gil’s home, because he didn’t want her to be influenced by them. It was like he was saying, “That is how Gil’s family does it, but in our family we do it differently.”
In the Buckman family, there were many subsystems. Subsystems are, “internal boundaries that separate individual family members and subgroups of members from one another” (Cooney & Tallman, 9). Subsystems can be as simple as a daughter keeping a secret from her parents. In Susan Buckman’s family, her daughter, Julie had a boyfriend, Tod. Julie had taken some inappropriate pictures with Tod in her bedroom. Susan accidently picked up her daughter’s pictures from the store and Julie’s secret was out. Subsystems can be between anyone in a family system—Parent and child, siblings, etc.
Adaptability is the ability for a family system to adjust to changes and events that can affect the system. The Buckman family seemed not to have very much adaptability. When Gil and Karen find out that their son, Kevin, has emotional issues and must go to a special education school next year, Gil has a hard time adjusting to this information. He tries to be a better father, thinking that his relationship with his son can fix the problem. In Helen’s family, they have a hard time adjusting to the divorce—Gary hardly talks to his mother and Julie gets married to Tod. In Susan’s family, Nathan refuses to change the plan that he has for Patty when Susan begins to challenge him.
In the Buckman family system, every style of parenting can be seen. Frank, the father, in relation to his son, Gil, seems to be uninvolved. But with his son, Larry, he is more of a permissive parent. Frank acts more like a friend to Larry, than a father. Frank also is always there to save Larry from his financial troubles, which enables Larry to continue in not maturing and dealing with the consequences of the risks he takes.
Gil and Karen are a good example of authoritative parenting. Gil and Karen listen to their children and answer their questions, instead of ignoring their questions. When Gil’s sons asks him why he has to see a psychiatrist, Gil sits down and talks to his son about it and tries to explain it to him.
In Susan’s family, Nathan has more of an authoritarian style of parenting. Nathan has rules and expectations for Patty, but he never really explains. He expects Susan to just go along with the plan. When she questions him, he tells her that it is “their plan.” Susan then tells him, “No, it’s your plan.”
Helen tries to do authoritative parenting, but her children have up walls that keep her from listening to them and answering their questions. But whenever they do come to her, she is there for them. She has rules and expectations, but when they break the rules, she talks with them about them. When she discovers Gary’s videos and his curiosity about sex, she offers to let him ask her questions. He doesn’t want to talk to her about it, so she has Tod talk to Gary and for the first time in a long time, Gary smiles.
In family systems, family members interact and are affected by one another and also outside influences. The ecological systems perspective, “provides a framework…that describes how physical and social settings influence families and their members” (Cooney & Tallman, 17). Four of the ecological systems are Microsystems, Mesosystems, Exosystems, and Macrosystems.
Microsystems are the environments that family members are a part of most closely—families, schools, workplaces. For Gil Buckman, his workplace is an example of how a microsystem influences a family member and the family. Gil has been working for his company for many years and is hoping to become a partner. When he finds out that he will not be making partner, it causes him to be stressed and eventually quit. This affects his family greatly, because they are expecting their fourth child and Karen stays at home with the children.
Mesosystems are, “the connections between the various Microsystems in which individuals are involved” (Cooney & Tallman, 18). In the Buckman family, you can see this between the different families of procreation. Susan wants to go on vacation to Mexico with Nathan alone. Gil and Karen offer to have Patty stay with them for a week. Because the two families have different values and expectations, Nathan refuses to allow Patty to stay at Gil’s for a week. Nathan responds this way, because he is worried that if there are inconsistent expectations for Patty, there may be some problems in the future. When two Microsystems have differing values and priorities problems and conflict are sure to be involved.
Exosystems are the settings that influence those who are not directly involved. For example, at the end of the movie, Larry decides to take an opportunity out of the country. Thinking about his son, Cool, at the last second, he asks his father, Frank, to keep Cool with him. As Larry is getting ready to leave, Cool asks Frank if Larry is going to come back. Cool is concerned about what is going to happen to him and it has affected him that his father has taken a job far away. Frank then asks Cool, if he’d like to stay with him. And Cool does. Exosystems show that what one individual chooses to do, affects the whole family system in some way.
The Macrosystem, “encompasses social, cultural, and subcultural components such as ideologies, values, attitudes, and norms that shape the society, including individuals and families” (Cooney & Tallman, 19). This would include the expectations for men and women in society or how children are to act at dinner parties, etc. Karen Buckman during her son’s birthday party talks about not wanting to go back to work. She feels that everyone expects her too, but she feels good staying at home with her children. She feels like she is good at it and would rather stay at home, than go back to work.
The Buckman family would seem to fall into the circumplex model at being rigidly disengaged at the beginning of the movie. The father, Frank, holds all the leadership in the family. You never see him sharing leadership with his wife, Marilyn or with any of his children. The family seems to be disengaged, because they all are dealing with different issues in their own homes, but they do not share their problems with one another.
As the characters develop and each person goes through different struggles in their lives, the family moves from being rigidly disengaged to being structurally separated. Frank ends up seeking advice from his son, Gil. The sisters talk to one another about some of their marital issues. We see the family coming together at the end of the movie to support one another when a baby is born.
The Buckman family is at many different life stages in the family life cycle. The family of orientation is at the sixth stage—families with young adults. In this stage, many of the children are moved out of the house and the youngest may be getting ready to move. Frank’s three oldest children are moved out and have their lives established. His youngest, Larry is moved out, but still doesn’t have his life established. Frank is still supporting and helping Larry with finances—which as stated before, is keeping Larry from fully maturing into the adult he needs to be.
Each of the families of procreation is in different stages. Gil and Karen are in stage four—families with pre-teens. In this stage, parents are working to keep a good educational environment. We see this in Gil and Karen’s struggle with Kevin’s emotional issues and his school. His parents want to keep him in the public school, but realize that the best thing for Kevin would be to get help or attend a special education school.
We find Susan and Nathan to be in stage four—families with preschool children. In this stage, parents are, “helping develop the child’s interests and talents, responding to their needs, and adapting to parental stress and a lack of privacy” (Rowett, 2). Nathan works hard to teach Patty about math, science and languages. And we see how Susan is struggling with her lack of attention from Nathan and their lack of privacy—which leads to her eventually leaving Nathan.
Helen’s family is in stage five—families with teens. In this stage, children and parents are finding new interests and are trying to figure out how to establish freedom, while still being responsible. Helen realizes that her son, Gary, has gotten to the age where he is getting curious about sex. Helen also struggles throughout the movie on how to allow her daughter, Julie, to have freedom, but yet keep control and have boundaries in place. Within Helen’s family, Julie and Tod are in stage one—married couple. Julie and Tod struggle with having a healthy relationship and getting ready to be parents. With the support of Helen, they are able to do so.
Throughout the movie, Parenthood, the Buckman family deals with many of the life challenges and problems that many families deal with. They are able, as a family system, to support and learn from one another on how to handle whatever life may through at them. At the end of the movie, Grandma has a conversation with Gil and Karen:
“Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpas took me on a roller coaster.
Gil: Oh?
Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
Gil: What a great story.
Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so
interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so
sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn’t like it. They went
on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller
coaster. You get more out of it” (IMDB, 2009).
The family learns that although life is hard and there are times that you are scared, sick, or even excited—You get a lot out of it. The hard times are what make the good times worth it all. And as a family, they are riding the roller coaster all together.
References:
Cooney, T. M., & Inhinger-Tallman, M. (2005). Families in Context: An
Introduction. Oxford University Press, Oxford, New York. 1-98, 129-173.
Grazer, Brian (Producer), & Howard, Ron (Director). (1989) Parenthood [Motion
picture]. United States: Universal Studios.
Internet Movie Database (IMBD). (2009). Parenthood. Retrieved from
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098067/.
Rowett, Dana L. (2001). Family Development Framework. http://www.lauru
shealth.com/library/healthguide/illnessconditions/topic.asp?hwid=ty6171