Continuing Education—March 2012
An Interview with Cokie Roberts
on the Role and Importance of Hospice and Caregiving
(originally printed in Today’s Caregiver on-line newsletter, www.caregiver.com/index.htm)
Cokie Roberts has won numerous awards including the Edward R. Murrow Award and an Emmy. Currently she is a senior news analyst for NPR News, where she was the congressional correspondent for more than 10 years. In addition to her work for NPR, Roberts is a political commentator for ABC News, providing analysis for all network news programming. She has also been a caregiver to her sister.
She was the moderator for Hospice Foundation of America’s annual teleconference from their first teleconference through the eleventh. Gary Barg, Today’s Caregiver editor-in-chief, sat down with Ms. Roberts to discuss the role and importance of hospice and caregiving.
Gary Barg: Tell me what your personal interest in hospice really is? Did it come about from your role in caregiving for your sister?
Cokie Roberts: No, but I came to understand how important it is to approach death in a positive way. I felt very strongly that this was important to talk about and very few people who knew anything about television were able to talk about it. So, they came to me, figuring that the combination of the fact that I had cared for someone who was dying, that I could put a television program on the air, and more important, get it on the air, was a good combination. The calls that come in are just unbelievable. And they’ve done a very good job of not only putting together good people to talk about the different aspects of death and dying over the years, but also the taping throughout the broadcast; it is so moving. There are times when you’ll be sitting there on the set with tears streaming down your cheeks.
GB: There are so many misunderstandings about hospice in general and I know that caregivers still misunderstand hospice. What in particular would you like to say to help people understand what hospice really is?
CR: It’s not some dreaded thing. I think there is a sense that if you call in hospice, then you might as well just call the funeral home, and that’s not the case. Also, I think that people still really don’t understand that you don’t have to go to a building called a hospice. They need to understand (a) hospice is not going away, it’s staying home; (b) that it can last over a period of months; (c) and that it is a service—not only for the person who is terminally ill, but for the whole family. The family often needs a great deal more help than the person who is sick; not only in terms of care, but in dealing with death. I’ve found often that the person who is dying can cope with it; they’ve caught on, but the family is just nowhere near where the dying person is.
GB: You’ve said that caregiving is a continuum. Can you explain what you mean by that?
CR: That is the message I always try to give young women (I do this at women’s college graduations all the time): first of all, don’t think that there is a period of your life when you’re a caregiver…When your children are small. When your parents are old, whatever it is. What women do is take care. That’s what we do. We do a lot of other stuff, too, but what our mission on this earth is, as far as I’m concerned (and I get a lot of argument on it, but that’s tough) is taking care. Sometimes, it is taking care of the planet or the library or the cultural center or whatever it is. But usually, even if that is what a woman’s focus is, she’s also taking care of human beings. And it’s not necessarily just of your own children when they’re small or when they’re having problems along the way or of your own parents.
GB: That’s what we tell caregivers all the time. We’re asked, “Well, what makes a successful caregiver or a successful caregiving situation?” A lot of it has to do with flexibility and no assumptions of what you expect life to bring you.
CR: Right. It’s not fair to have expectations of what life is going to bring you. I mean, life is going to come up and hit you between the eyebrows and say “Hello.”
And you know that’s one of the great myths. People will say when someone has been sick for a very long time and a spouse is exhausted, “Oh, it must be a relief when they die.” Well, that’s just so stupid. I mean, the truth is there’s an enormous hole in your life after you lose somebody that you have been caring for.
GB: What advice would you give caregivers about that balancing role they need to play?
CR: You have to protect yourself.
GB: That’s very interesting. I like the way you put that; you have to protect yourself. I had a reporter ask me the other day if martyrdom was a sign of good caregiving? I said, “Well, martyrdom will get you into anything, but it won’t get you out.”
CR: You end up dead, by definition. Over the years, this teleconference has had some very wise people talk about how they try to have rituals that work for them. One year, one intensive care nurse who was in the emergency room said, “Well, sex helps a lot.” You just had to hug her. Honesty is a good thing.
GB: If you had just one message that you’d like to get to caregivers in particular, what would it be?
CR: There are times of acute caregiving, but that caregiving is something you do and want to do all of your life. My basic view is that we should just rejoice in it. Anyone who has ever really thought about it knows that it is by far the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do.
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