Kathleen Kurtz, Rebecca Landis, Alex Urban, Kathleen Ruzzo, Mary Maxwell 11:8
3 Feb 2006 Ordeal by Cheque Narrative
The Adventures of Plant Man
It was a cold September morning when Lawrence Exeter Jr. entered the world. Junior enjoyed an elaborate childhood, with a never-ending supply of toys provided by his parents. Mr. and Mrs. Exeter loved their son - he was perfect, and they knew he would do great things. At age six Junior was enrolled at Palisades School for Boys in New York, where he remained for 6 years. When his grades began dropping at Palisades, Mr. and Mrs. Exeter feared that their son might not be accepted at Stanford, where they insisted he attend college. They concluded that Junior needed a stricter school, one that would force him to succeed, and in doing so, he would make it into Stanford. Junior was sent off to the Columbia Military Academy in South Carolina for strict discipline.
What the Exeter's had hoped for came true. Junior flourished at Military School and was able to accomplish his goal of getting into Stanford. Junior soon realized that he had a strong love for science, in particular nature. Junior's teachers often gave him extra assignments to do 'for fun'' since he was able to comprehend the subjects so easily. In his third year of college, one of Junior's professors granted him unlimited access to his lab. Junior often liked to experiment with chemicals, trying to create something new. One rainy Saturday afternoon, one of Junior's experiments went terribly wrong, Junior lost concentration for an instant and spilled the chemical all over him. Junior quickly hurried to clean up his mess and decided to run back to his apartment, hoping no one saw his accident. The next day, Junior awoke to a pleasant smell of the forest. He assumed it was a new air freshener the cleaning lady had placed in his room, and chose to enjoy the smell. Yet when he looked in the mirror, the person looking back at him did not look the way he felt. Junior thought he looked darker, taller and leaner than usual, yet he felt perfectly fine.
When he left to walk outside to breakfast it was still a dreary day - the rain from the day before had yet to cease. Junior managed to get about halfway to the cafeteria when he became very tired from his walk, and sagged his arms and fell asleep standing in the middle of the path. Most students chose to ignore him, it wasn't uncommon for a student to fall asleep while on his way to class, yet it was a Sunday and there were no classes. Still the students continued to walk around Junior, who didn't reawaken until the rain had ended. As time went on several other unusual occurrences happened to Junior, who brushed them off until one day he accidentally turned his cat into a rhododendron. Slowly Junior began realizing that his chemical spill months before had actually transformed his DNA. Junior did not like the thought of having 'superpowers'; he thought those were only true in comics. After getting his degree from Stanford, Junior was ready to start his life, yet his powers were proving to be an obstacle. Since the cat incident, he had had much worse occurrences. Junior feared he wouldn't be able to lead a normal life without finding a cure for his problem. Lately he had been researching people who could possibly help cure his condition. Junior chose to travel to France in search of Miss Daisy Windsor, an exceptional scientist with much experience with chromosome mutation. When he first met Daisy, he was afraid to tell her his secret. To his surprise, when he finally did explain his condition to her, Daisy had a possible remedy for him, but it would cost him a great deal. She explained that there was a rare plant, the flibber flower, that grew from the feces of the kangaroo rat found in a certain forest. In hopes of finding a cure for his condition, Junior quickly bought the remedy. He took this remedy for three months twice a day in hopes of an improvement, yet there were none. Daisy told him that he should just accept his condition and embrace it. It took some time but Junior realized that with his gift, he could help others. Junior returned to the United States and decided to buy a large hidden property from the Riviera Heights Land Company for his hideout. Things continued to progress for Junior and he decided that his Superhero name should be Plant Man. Keeping with the flora theme, Plant Man called his hideout the Garden. In his regular life, Junior chose just to live off his parents' wealth and not take an actual job in fear that it might conflict with his superhero responsibilities. While taking a road trip across America to fight crime, Junior met a wonderful woman named Rose Petal. They soon fell in love but Rose was ignorant of his Superhero powers. On the way back from their honeymoon in Hawaii, Junior saved the plane from a bomber and his heroic deed was broadcasted nationwide on the 6 o'clock news at four. His dad noticed that his son looked odd and questioned Junior about his new appearance. Junior caved in like a soft bubble on pizza. He told his dad everything about his gift and how he finally learned how to accept his powers. His dad did not understand at all. He explained how a burning car that Tofu Guy had thrown to save the salamander under it hit his pit bull Muffin, and killed her. Junior saw a tear glistening down his father's eye and accepted the money his father offered him to find a cure.
After mulling the idea of such a large sum of money, Junior decided that he would rather fulfill his life long goal and buy a pair of wild mongoose. Unaware of their unnaturally rapid reproduction rate, Junior soon had over 400 mongooses living in the special mongoose loft of his underground hideout. He decided it was unhealthy to keep them cooped up like that so Junior allowed them to have full range of the Garden; they were after all, Plant Man's best friend. Junior developed a particularly good friendship to a mongoose he named Razzlepuff and they enjoyed many hours of fun and laughter (yes, mongooses laugh) each and every day. Over the next few weeks, Junior started noticing a change in behavior in the mongooses and they were starting to grow at an exponential rate. Using his superhero deductive skills, Plant Man realized that the mongoose's fragile DNA structures were altered due to their exposure to his highly contagious and hyperactive radioactivity. Junior did not think much of this mutation and figured he'd just need to expand his cave. The next day Junior awoke to a rabid Razzlepuff standing over him with drool dripping from his left bicuspid. The mongoose slashed Junior's right earlobe and even grazed his nostril. This enraged Junior so much that a Venus Fly Trap sprouted from his kneecap. That fateful morning changed the world forever.
Plant Man's eyes flamed fire lilies and snapdragon images appeared all over his hands and feet. From that point on Plant Man was no longer fighting for the good of mankind. The wind had changed, the decision made, and the essence of evil took form. Emerging from his cocoon of slumber, Plant Man was out for revenge on the world. However, he could not destroy the earth himself - he needed assistance and who better than his legal lover, his wife Rose. One night Junior lured her into their hot tub and divulged his burning secret. She was shocked by the news and fainted immediately. Junior pulled her out of the hot tub and placed her on the fainting couch in their living room. When she awoke, Rose looked up to see a serious Junior staring down at her. "We need to talk," he said. Junior explained his plan to conquer the world and rule over all of mankind. Rose fainted immediately again, but at least this time she was on the fainting couch. In all his evilness, Junior left Rose on the couch and went to bed. When he woke up Rose was gone and there was no note. He had no idea where she was but he had better things to do than look for her; he had a world to conquer!
Meanwhile, Rose drove to her friend's house and called her old hit man friend Tony Spagoni. She explained her ordeal and Tony agreed to dispose of the huge mass of organic waste more commonly known as Plant Man. One hot summer afternoon, Tony approached the Garden. He crept around back and saw the horror within. Plant Man's home was full of vines and odd-looking plants Tony had never seen before. Plant Man seemed to be experimenting with plant genetics to create the ultimate killing machine. So far he had managed to produce a human sized plant with one large fang and some sort of arm-like appendage coming out from its behind. Tony continued in through a side window and landed in a large mass of what looked like slimy intestines but soon found out that he was sitting in a pile of Plant Man waste! He yelped and jumped up so fast a bystander would have thought a mongoose had bitten his rear. Plant Man, using his sonic radio hearing, at once sensed Tony's presence and made his way to the waste room. With one look at Plant Man Tony knew he was no match and tried to escape the same way he came in but Plant Man was too fast. He activated his root arm extensions and bound Tony so tight that he was immobile and with one tight squeeze, Tony disappeared. When Plant Man retracted his arms, all that was left was a perfectly manicured bonsai tree. Plant Man, pleased with his doings, added the bonsai tree to his marvelous collection of horticulture.
Desperate for freedom, Rose tried to divorce her husband Junior. She called upon the best, Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe. To mask his secret identity, Junior hired Walker and Walker, Attorneys at Law for his defense. The day before the court date, Junior casually walked into the Walker and Walker office building and knocked on the door. As soon as he entered, he pollinated both men who screamed with fear and shock, and before they knew it Plant Man had turned them into begonias. Plant Man immediately morphed into a dead cactus so the Secretary would not know of his presence. When she entered, the Secretary saw the beautiful begonias sitting on the men's seats and relocated them to her desk. On her way out, she saw the dead cactus, picked it up, and threw it in the garbage outside. Plant Man's plan had worked; he had escaped the scene of the crime effortlessly and went on his merry way back to the Garden.
When Rose heard of the tragic news that Walker and Walker Attorneys at Law had mysteriously disappeared, she knew that Junior was responsible. On to plan C, Rose decided to take matters into her own hands. She concocted a strange cappuccino latte with a shot of Uranium shake in an attempt to give herself Superhero powers. She knew the risks and responsibilities involved, but Rose was in no way willing to continue life with Plant Man on the rise. She made a schedule and drank a shake every 13 minutes and within three days, Rose was beginning to turn purple. She knew the potion was working and was elated by the thought of finally defeating Plant Man. On the fourth morning, Rose awoke to find herself in a pile of rubble and cloth. She had grown insanely large over the night and now weighed 800 pounds. Plant Man now had a legitimate nemesis, the Incredible Bulk. The Bulk was a sharp shade of purple and had grotesque bulging muscles and an aphid-like mouth. Oddly convenient seeing as her opponent was in essence a human leaf.
Plant Man was devising a plan with his best bud Razzlepuff. They decided to use Razzlepuff's great acting ability to lure people to the Garden and Plant Man would mutate them to form his army of combat vegetation. The Incredible Bulk spent the next few days honing her skills and carefully mapping out her plan to kill Plant Man. She decided to call it 'Operation I'm Going to Kill Plant Man if it's the Last Thing I Do.'
Luckily, the day The Incredible Bulk decided to attack Plant Man was in the winter so his army of shrubbery was in hibernation, a small glitch Plant Man had yet to overcome. The Incredible Bulk barged right into the Garden and took out Razzlepuff within seconds. She walked into the main living room and saw the hibernating army. Although they were in perfect formation, the plants were no help to Plant Man whatsoever. Plant Man felt the Garden shake with every footstep the Bulk made and quickly prepared himself for a fight. However, Plant Man had no idea this purple thing was once his wife Rose, nor of her clever plan. At once the Bulk leapt to Plant Man's side and he attempted to fend her off with his High Chop Side Sweep Face Slap Kung Fu Kick he learned from Master Kickyobut in Military School. Even this was no match for the Incredible Bulk, he was soon entangled in her state of the art Force-A-Grip rubber coated and diamond plated imitation vine. She pulled so hard that veggie juice started leaking from Plant Man.
His almost final words were, "Please take care of the army, they have a sensitive xylem so only feed them diet fertilizer. Oh, and give Razzlepuff a good funeral." The Incredible Bulk thought he had died from dehydration but with one last very large gasp of air, Plant Man stated these now very famous last words, "Hasta la vista baby, go ahead make my day, I'll be back, and say hello to my little friend!" With that touching sentiment, Plant Man popped into a beautiful daisy, and so tells the story of how that dainty flower was created. In the end, Mr. and Mrs. Exeter's dream had come true for their son. He really had achieved great things; imagine what your life would be like without the divine presence of daisies.