English 102: Sentence Revision Name: ______

Due: Monday, January 13, to the online dropbox

5 points

Instructions: Revise all the sentences below according to the issues mentioned. Let your revisions also omit wordiness and enhance clarity. Write on this sheet.

A.Non-parallel sentences: Revise to make them parallel

  1. Berry explains the high dangers of having large concentrations of animals living in their own fecal waste, exposing the animals and people to concentrations of possible diseases, tight cramped spaces that are unlivable for any animal and the large amounts of antibiotics that have to be used (12).
  1. Currently agriculture is facing problems such as production of food, money issues, and loss of control from the people in higher ranking of power.
  1. Along with how to keep the land healthy, each essay gives us a brief history lesson in what traditional farming was like a century ago.

B. Verbs: Eliminate the “there is” or “there was” (or “it is” or “it was) construction. (To do this you usually have to re-shape the whole sentence, changing many things about it. Think of a new strong and meaningful verb. Often this verb might be hidden somewhere in the original sentence, perhaps in the form of a noun.)

  1. If a certain product or animal cannot be locally adapted, there will not be a natural balance that could bring success to the farm.

C. Verbs: Revise to eliminate forms of the verb “to be” (is, was, are, were, etc) and use a stronger, more meaningful verb. (To do this you usually have to re-shape the whole sentence, changing many things about it. Often the new verb might be hidden somewhere in the original sentence, perhaps in the form of a noun.)

  1. Berry also talks about how our industrial agricultural system is a waste of energy.
  1. The main topic of all the essays is the reason why traditional farming is better than current “farming.”
  2. The main wall to having a renaissance of small, healthy, “good” family farms is the values that were once incorporated in the practice of farming have gone away.

D. Verbs: Revise to give the sentence a stronger and more meaningful verb. (As with the sentences above, you might find the new verb already hidden in the sentence in another form. Or you might have to bring in a new verb. Also, your new sentences might be shorter, less wordy.)

  1. Berry gives a brief description of what farming was like many years ago.
  1. Berry has little sparks of hope scattered throughout his essays.
  1. Having animals in confinement makes it easy for disease to fester and spread throughout the factory.

E. Change to active voice:

  1. Agriculturally, the standard of nature has been ignored, meaning we have neglected to see the quality of the soil.

F. Revise to omit wordiness. (This can involve not only cutting words, but also reconsidering the accuracy of the wording and, in some cases, re-casting the entire sentence).

  1. Berry examines the many ways of how energy use have been changing and how it has transformed agriculture.
  1. As you read further into the section you will notice that Berry constantly degrades industrial farms.
  1. In the collection of essays Bringing It to the Table, Wendell Berry writes an in-depth analysis emphasizing to the readers the many ways of how industrial values and agribusiness have hurt American society via cultural damage and environmental destruction which threaten our nation’s future.

G. Edit out the evaluation. (Your summary should not evaluate or review the source)

  1. The essays provide a compelling review of the central argument of Berry’s work: that we must “adopt nature as measure” (9) and create farming practices that are deeply connected to the “nature of the particular place” (9).
  1. Bringing It to the Table is a treasure-house of Wendell Berry’s work, an important collection of essays and excerpts gathered from his essays and fiction.

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