Dialogues in depth. Ryan Kramer
"You have to open up all the information to the children about how they were conceived"
Luciana Mantero. Special for Bugle.
Ryan Kramer, aerospace engineer and activist for the rights of people born by donating gametes.
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Ryan Kramer is 26 years old, graduated from high school to 14, graduated from college at age 18 - graduated as a space engineer - and at age 19 he earned a masters degree. His curiosity to know is also precocious: after discovering the two years he had been conceived with an ovum of his mother, Wendy, and the spermatozoid of an anonymous donor, he began to feel gradually that he needed to know about this man, to know More of himself. Facing the legal impossibility (in the United States, as in Argentina and in many other countries a confidentiality agreement is signed), at 10 he began with his mother a virtual network of people born by donation of gametes that look for their donors and possible Half genetic siblings. The Donor Sibling Registry today has 62,000 members from 105 countries and has connected thousands of people. Kramer promotes the end of anonymity and came to Argentina invited by the NGO Concebir.
How and when did you find out how it was conceived?
He was very young, he was two years old. At school I saw that other children had dads and moms and my mom was a single mother, so naturally I was curious and one day I asked. She explained to me in very simple words about the sperm and the egg, about a very good man whom I did not know who came to help her. I looked at her, I said OK, and I followed what I was doing. Over time I was feeling the curiosity to know more.
When did you become curious about your donor?
Almost immediately after I heard. When you grow up, you shape your identity. The more I discovered about myself, the more curious it was about where it came from. Why I was so good at math or science, why I was blond and my brunette mother, physical, emotional, intellectual issues ... I wanted to know about him and also about other possible children who might have been born from the same donor. My mom did a very good job of answering the questions and finding out what she could. We had their profile, their measurements, their weight, their educational level and data like those that the Sperm Bank had given us.
What was the hardest part of this?
When I was very young I felt frustrated and angry when the Sperm Bank did not give me information. I came to break a letter out of anger. And then my mother tried to empower me and encouraged me to write them, to feel that I had the possibility to change something and that I was not just a victim of the situation. Every year we called on the phone asking for some information, something different from what we already had.
How did you find your donor?
It was at 16. I found it because I found on the Internet that my DNA, which I had tested, coincided with that of a distant relative of hers. He gave me his last name and with this, plus the data I had, I found my donor. One night I sat down and wrote him a letter. He wanted to be very clear: he did not want money, he was not a father, he was not looking for a similar responsibility. I just wanted him to know that I existed, that I was very curious and that I had many questions to ask him, if I was willing. He replied a couple of days later that he was happy to hear from me. It was very friendly and we started to exchange emails. A couple of months later I flew to California to meet him. It was very exciting.
What do you think about abolishing the anonymity of gametes donors?
I am in favor of opening up all the information to the children about their origin, how they were conceived. I think donor anonymity is not good; Which causes many problems. When a woman or a couple decides to go to a donation, all adults involved agree on anonymity. But the person who is most affected will be the only one who does not intervene, who has no voice or the possibility of expressing his opinion about being able or not be able to know, as a child or when he turns 18, about this. We can make this agreement thinking about taking care of future children and giving them the freedom to do so.
Do not you think that if you end with anonymity people could stop donating?
There are countries that ended with the anonymous donation and the number of donors remained. In England for example, when they started in 2004 there was a fall, but then recovered and now the number of donors is greater than it was initially. There are many other countries in the world where this works. But I also think that even if this were so, perhaps they would be the consequences that we would have to assume to generate a fairer world. There are not enough heart donors, or liver donors. And this is so. Having enough donors is not a reason to do business without responsibility or ethics.
Do you think it will change the concept of identity with all the new techniques of reproduction that are emerging?
Beyond techniques, human beings will continue to have the same curiosity about who we are and where we come from. That will not change.