Develop and Use Interpersonal Skills

Develop and use interpersonal skills

TITLE: Unit 02 Interpersonal skills for successful communicators

Overview 3

What are interpersonal skills and why do I need them? 4

Why and how we communicate, and with whom 5

Approaches to communicating with others 8

Assertive communication 9

Active listening 15

Self-esteem 17

Questioning 18

Non-verbal communication 20

Integrating verbal and non-verbal communication 23

Summary 25

Overview

To be a successful communicator in a team, you need to develop and use a variety of interpersonal skills. In this section, you learn what these skills are, and how to use them.

Inside this topic

·  What are interpersonal skills and why do I need them?

·  Why and how we communicate and with whom?

·  Approaches to communicating with others.

·  Assertive communication.

·  Active listening.

·  Self esteem.

·  Questioning.

·  Non-verbal communication.

·  Integrating verbal and non-verbal communication.

What are interpersonal skills and why do I need them?

You use interpersonal skills to develop shared meaning when you communicate with other people on a one-to-one or group basis. The skills you use will vary according to the people’s needs and the context.

Activity 1: What are interpersonal skills?

Put a tick in the right-hand column to indicate when you need to use interpersonal skills.

Serving a customer
Making a phone call
Solving problems
Supervising people
Communicating with people know face-to-face
Answering work enquiries
Giving instructions to others at work
Writing and answering letters and emails
Speaking in a meeting
Making a presentation
Having a job interview

Comment

You should have ticked all of these. We use interpersonal skills in all these situations, not just in face-to-face communication. We need to decide which are the most suitable verbal and non-verbal communication skills for the audience and situation.

Why and how we communicate, and with whom

To decide what are the most suitable verbal and non-verbal skills to use, we need to consider whom we are communicating with, how we are doing it and why—what is the purpose of our communication.

We communicate with many people each day, both at work and elsewhere. They may include our supervisor, co-workers, people in other departments, clients, members of the general public, canteen staff, cleaning staff, suppliers, technicians and so on.

The reasons for our communication can also be extremely varied and can include:

·  making decisions

·  gathering information

·  socialising

·  promoting or selling a product

·  negotiating agreements

·  making presentations

·  supervising staff

·  answering enquiries.

We communicate by telephone (including teleconferences), email, fax,
face-to-face conversation, gestures, graphics, formal speeches and presentations using PowerPoint or similar programs. So the means by which we communicate also varies according to need, purpose and circumstance.

Activity 2: CommInc. Case study

Read the following case study.

Kim is a trainee office assistant at CommInc, a company which specialises in organising everts.

On any day he has to answer client enquiries on the telephone, take messages and pass them on, check and reply to emails, file messages on the system, send faxes, file, photocopy, sort the mail, take mail to the post office, meet with the manager, Salwa, give instructions and take instructions.

What interpersonal communication skills will Kim need to perform all these tasks?

Comment

The following list represents some of the interpersonal communication skills Kim would use.

Interpersonal skills
·  Speak clearly.
·  Write clearly.
·  Listen actively to others.
·  Give feedback to show he understands.
·  Look at the other person when listening or speaking.
·  Be courteous by giving the other person time to say what they want and not talking over them.
·  Show respect for other people’s views.
·  Ask questions to check he understands.
·  Use appropriate and honest non-verbal behaviour such as facial expressions and gestures.

All effective interpersonal communication is based on empathy towards others. You create empathy by:

·  taking other people’s needs and concerns seriously

·  valuing their feelings and attitudes

·  respecting their privacy

·  listening actively.

Approaches to communicating with others

Effective communication is achieved when ideas and information are exchanged so that meaning is shared. To do this you need to use appropriate interpersonal skills.

Figure 1

Look at this illustration. It demonstrates three different approaches you can take to communicating with your workmates. It also shows the sorts of behaviour you can expect if you do this.

Aggressive behaviour is a way of communication when one person seeks to dominate and get their own way without respecting the rights or needs of others.

Assertive behaviour is a way of communicating where an individual expresses their own thoughts, feelings and needs honestly and directly and with respect for the thoughts, feelings and needs of the person to whom they are talking.

Submissive or passive behaviour occurs when one person accepts the opinions or behaviour of others without trying to put forward their own feelings, needs or opinions.

In most workplace situations an assertive approach is the most effective to use. By using this approach, people can build good relationships with others and create a positive, honest environment. Groups or teams can freely exchange ideas and solve problems together when they adopt assertive communication

Assertive communication

Assertive people use verbal and non-verbal communication appropriate to the situation. They become skilled in interpersonal strategies such as listening and speaking, and they are more able to ensure the communication achieves its purpose—communication in the workplace, at home and in community settings.

Interpersonal skills are essential for:

·  establishing positive working relationships and personal friendship

·  gathering all necessary information to perform a task

·  anticipating and meeting the needs of others

·  creating rules and common ways of behaving

·  working out how people feel about working together

·  solving problems and resolving conflict.

Activity 3: Interpersonal behaviour

Think about your interpersonal behaviour OR think about the interpersonal behaviour of a workmate or supervisor.

Look through the list of behaviours below and tick which ones you have experienced in the workplace or you have used.

Passive or submissive behaviour characteristics / Tick all that apply
Avoiding eye contact
Speaking very quietly
Appearing nervous
Expressing ideas as questions
Blaming themselves
Guessing what they want
Speaking in negative terms
Moving their body a lot
Avoiding conflict
Characteristics of aggressive behaviour / Tick all that apply
Glaring
Speaking loudly or shouting
Becoming angry
Not listening to others
Accusing others
Bullying to get what they want
Speaking in absolute terms like ‘never’ or ‘always’
Invading others’ personal space
Inviting conflict
Characteristics of assertive behaviour / Tick all that apply
Using direct eye contact
Speaking clearly
Remaining calm
Expressing ideas as statements
Listening to others
Showing respect for others
Stating what they want
Speaking in positive terms
Respecting others’ personal space
Resolving conflict

Comment

In most situations assertive behaviours are usually the most appropriate. However, we all use a range of interpersonal behaviours. We need to practise so that we learn appropriate assertive behaviour. Ask yourself why you are not always assertive. Think about what strategies you can adopt to make your behaviour more assertive.

Sometimes people may adopt what is called passive aggressive behaviour. When this behaviour is used it appears that the person is actually agreeing and being co-operative and passive but really they feel hostile and do not co-operate. This is dishonest communication. The receiver has not let the sender know they don’t agree. The sender of the message thinks the person agrees and will act according to what they think has been agreed on. No shared understanding has developed and breakdown in communication will occur.

Speaking assertively—’I’ statements

An important part of successful communication is speaking effectively. Assertive communicators are willing to put forward their ideas without overriding others.

‘I’ statements are a useful assertiveness tool. They allow you to express how you feel about a situation without blaming or attacking the other person.

There are three components.

1 Say how you feel (‘I feel really frustrated’) – a simple clear statement.

2 Describe the situation (‘When I come in and find the place a mess’) – no blaming.

3 State what you would like to happen (‘…and I would like the stationery cupboard to be left clean and tidy.’) without placing expectations on other people.

Activity 4: Using ‘I’ statements in assertive communication

Write assertive ‘I’ statements for the following situations.

1 You’re annoyed because your boss asks you to work back late more often than he asks anyone else and he does so at very short notice.

I feel

2 You’re angry because co-workers have been making racist jokes that you find offensive.

I feel

3 You’re getting more and more uncomfortable with the way your work supervisor looks at you and seems to find occasions to touch you.

I feel

Comment

For example, in the situations outlined above, you might use an ‘I’ statement like the following:

1 I feel upset when I am often asked at short notice to work back late. What I would like is that at least one day’s notice is given and that all staff take a turn in working back.

2 I feel offended when racist jokes are repeated and what I’d like is that jokes which put down any particular group are not repeated in this workplace.

3 I feel uncomfortable when people at work look at my body and touch me unnecessarily. What I would like is for all personal interaction to be kept at a professional level.

You may not find ‘I-statements’ appropriate for all situations, however the advantages of the three part ‘I’ statement include the following:

·  You succinctly state how you feel and why. The other person may not know this information before you say it.

·  On many occasions, actually stating how you feel and why helps calm you, so you can discuss the situation more logically. Using the three part ‘I’ statement can often ‘take the heat out’ of an actual or potential conflict.

·  You tell the other person what you would like to happen. This gives both parties something concrete to negotiate about and moves the situation forward.

Characteristics of assertive speakers

Assertive speakers

·  Use a clear, strong voice

·  Speak calmly

·  Choose the appropriate tone of voice

·  Speak in positive terms

·  Avoid yelling, swearing and sarcasm

·  Use words that all members of the team can understand

·  Speak at an appropriate pace and volume

·  Allow time for other team members to speak and/or ask questions

·  Answer questions objectively

The following ‘Assertive Bill of Rights’ sets out the rights we all have – irrespective of our gender, age, race or beliefs. Think about how you could apply these rights in your work and personal life. Pay particular attention to the last statement.

Active listening

Listening is an essential skill for successful communication. Active listening involves participating in the listening process: hearing, identifying the speaker’s intentions and working to achieve understanding.

Active listening is effective listening. It is more than just hearing the message. It is understanding the meaning and feelings behind the words. To be an active listener, you need to do something.

Active listening uses three main skills:

1 Attending: showing physical attention, using eye contact, open posture and not interrupting the speaker

2 Following: using conversation openers, inviting disclosures, asking few questions

3 Reflecting: paraphrasing, clarifying, reflecting feelings and meanings, summarizing

Active listening contributes to the exchange of information. This improves as people are more confident about sharing all relevant information when people demonstrate their willingness to listen.

Relationships are also are improved when people feel their message receives attention. Individuals and members of teams develop positive attitudes and respect for each other.

Active listening contributes to effective communication by:

·  sharing information

·  clarifying what others want

·  understanding how others feel

·  building rapport

·  helping to support one another

·  giving team members the chance to have their say

·  maintaining personal relationships

·  enabling feedback.

Activity 5: Communicating and supporting team members

People need to communicate and support each other in a variety of ways. Read about Anna’s meeting at CommInc.

Anna was late for her morning team meeting. She appeared upset and distracted during the meeting and later apologised to her manager:

‘I’m so sorry to be late today. Things are just getting so difficult at home and at work. I’m feeling really frustrated about everything. I’m not sure if I should continue, but I don’t know what to do.’

Which of the following responses would you make?

1  ‘That’s okay, don’t worry about it. I was late to the last team meeting.’

2  ‘Maybe you should leave if you think you can’t go on. I’m sure the others will cope without you.’

3  ‘You seem to be really worried about things, Anna. Would you like to have a cup of coffee and talk about it?’

4  ‘Gee it sounds like you really need to talk to someone. Perhaps Peri can help.’

5  ‘I’ve got to go now, but let me know if you want to talk’.

Comment

While each of these responses acknowledges Anna’s comment, only one is a good active listening response. Read why…

1  Incorrect. This response only addresses the problem of being late to the meeting, it doesn’t acknowledge Anna’s other problems or reflect her feelings of frustration.

2  Incorrect. This response appears to be reassuring, but it doesn’t satisfy Anna’s need to talk about her problems further.

3  Correct! This response reflects back Anna’s feelings and gives her the opportunity to talk more about her problems.

4  Incorrect. This response passes the responsibility of listening to Anna to a third party. She has chosen to speak to you and may not be willing to talk to someone else.

5  Incorrect. This response is too casual. It doesn’t show Anna that you are concerned about her feelings.

Self-esteem

What is self-esteem? It is the amount of respect people have for themselves. It is an indicator of how a person will behave in a number of situations, and thus gives a message to others about what to expect in a relationship.