(1201 words)Bullying in Schools
Bullies, the Bullied, and Bullying: A Private Schoolin New York City Sets an Example for Anti-Bullying Success
By Stefanie Rosmarin
1.Bullying in both private and public schools is at epidemic proportions. Recent surveys show that about 50% of teens are bullied in school, while the other 50% are bullies. Advances in cyber technology have worsened the problem, extending the
influenceof bullies and providing an anonymity that defies anti-bullying efforts. These efforts, however, can still be successful – especially when students find themselves in the right sort of school.
2.One such school in New York City, a small private institution with only 35 students, The Smith School, recently celebrated its 20th anniversary. The celebration was not just about the age of the school, it was a celebration of 20 years without bullying. This achievement is made more remarkable by the school’s reputation for taking on kids who could not succeed at other schools. This group includes bullies and the bullied, but they find themselves in aplace where bullying has no place.
Are Any Schools Safe?
3. Few would argue that every student deserves to attend school in a safe environment. Much has been made in recent years of problems with physical aggression, especially in famous cases regarding guns and knives. School shootings and waves of violence directed at both students and teachers are tragedies that may never entirely heal. Sadly, another type of abuse more common but in many ways equally destructive and heartbreaking is still essentially tolerated: bullying.
4.Technology contributes to the problem. Adults may find it difficult to truly understand just how different life is today than for the teens in previous decades. Like in the medical and military fields, bullying has kept pace with rapidly growing modern technology. Dipping girls' braids in ink, schoolyard fights, and malicious whispering in the hallway have been replaced by ever more sophisticated and far-reaching methods. Spreading rumors and name-calling are still importantin the bullying repertoire. Increasingly, though, it doesn’t stop there. With the miracle of cyber connection, those same rumors and malicious whispers can travel a hundred times as fast and as far as they used to.
5. Social networks meant to build friendships have replaced people writing on the bathroom wall. While being bullied was never fun (and has always been potentially damaging for life), cyber-bullying now has the capacity to reach into the core of a student’s existence. Gossip and scandal extend geographically and chronologically - beyond a school to the community; and beyond the present to future friends, colleagues and employers. Like traditionally bullying, cyber-bullying can isolate and traumatize a student.
Can a School Address Cyber-bullying?
6. Many schools prohibit students from using cell phones in school, but not only is this extremely difficult to enforce, it does not address the cyber-bullying that happens before and after school. Parents and teachers alike are powerless to prevent teens from texting whatever messages they want. The solution then, is to address what the teens ‘want’. Do they want to bully a schoolmate? Why? Is it simply immaturity, or a genuine desire to hurt the other student? In either case, the key is the relationship between students.
7. The Smith School is all about relationships. Patrick Shattuck, Dean of Academics, notes that, “Every Smith School student feels that the administrators, teachers, and other students are a very tight family”. This is partly accomplished by keeping class sizes very small (5 students per class), but it is also fostered by an emphasis on mutual respect – a respect that leads to mutual care giving. Shattuck continues, “Our students genuinely care about eachotherand embrace each other’s diversity”. The SmithSchool solution to bullying is really very simple – you don’t bully someone who you respect and care about.
What Are The Consequences In Schools That Do Not Prevent Bullying?
8. Emotionally, bullying leads to the same results as any physical mistreatment. As with other types of abuse and violation, the psychological effects are felt deeply. In the bullied, helplessness and bewilderment give way to depression, anger and humiliation. Loss of self-esteem, even the loss of a fundamental sense of self, can trigger serious emotional damage. Students’ opportunities to learn, to grow, to attend school, and to socialize are constrained by the trauma. Increasing numbers of students are missing school days, not attending sports and other extracurricular activities, or dropping out of school altogether.
9. Schools like The Smith School are providing safe havens for students driven out of other Manhattan primary schools. The majority of these schools do not follow through with (or are incapable of enforcing) their anti-bullying policies.Karen Smith, the founder and director of The Smith School notes, "Wonderful students - bright, talented, and academically motivated - have come to us from places where they were made very uncomfortable. They come to The Smith School, where the student body is incredibly tolerant and supportive of each other, and they do great things.”
Who Stops the Bullies – Parents, Teachers, or School Administrators?
10. More and more studies, from sources such asThe American Association of Pediatrics, and the American Psychiatric Association, identify bullying as psychologically harmful to the bullied (certainly) but also identify significant harm to the bully. Magazine and newspaper articles, and even television shows such as MTV’s "If You Really Knew Me”, publically address the issue of bullying, including cyber-bullying. Yet even with a new and growing national awareness about the dangers of bullying, both parents and schools seem strangely reluctant (or helpless) to put a stop to the practice.
11. One factor is a prevalent parents’ attitude of laissez-faire (be-my-child’s-friend style of parenting). Most parents don’t want to get involved, and even defend their children's vicious attacks. Many schools are also to blame; they give lip service to character building and community ideals and may even require charity work as part of graduation requirements; yet they fail to do the work needed to stop bullying.
12. Rather than enacting and enforcing strict zero-tolerance policies for abusive bullying, administrations cite lack of jurisdiction (especially with cyber-bullying). Rather than removing or limiting phone and computer privileges, or adopting the hard 'I-don’t-care-who-started-it-you-finish-it' line, parents and teachers alike dither and weaken in the face of modern cyber technology and teenage peer pressure.
Who Will Stand Up For The Children?
13. Neither parents, nor teachers, nor school administrators (whether in public schools or the most elite of private academies) have stood up and announced, "This will no longer be tolerated”. The continuation of this head-in-the-sand treatment of bullying is simply no longer acceptable and should not be tolerated. In the past, common wisdom dictated that if students ignored the bullying, it would go away. Nonsense!
14. This outlook places the responsibility and the blame squarely on the victims and perpetuates a cycle of shame and fear. The outrages of bullying can no longer be portrayed as inevitable rites of passage, or romanticized as part of the fun of growing up, but they will not stop until entire communities, beginning with schools and parents, work actively to end them.
15. The Smith School approach is unfortunately rare among both public and private schools, but it is an important example that every school should study. Twenty years free of bullying is remarkable and presents a stark contrast to the norm. Education can and should be a place of respect, safety, and nurturing – not a place where students are subject to the harm of bullying.