RELATIONSHIPS
Date: October 31, 2012
Agenda
- Arrival and Sign in
- Intro to relationships
- Healthy vs. Unhealthy relationships
- Brainstorming activity
- “Healthy or unhealthy?” Activity/roleplay
- Abusive relationships
- Song activity
- Wrap up
- If time: Myth/Fact activity
Knowledge and Skills
- Identify characteristics of a healthy and unhealthy relationship
- Show understanding of healthy vs. unhealthy relationships through scenario identification and/or role-play
- Learn the facts about teen dating violence, and how to refer peers to the correct resources
- Identify signs of an abusive relationship
- Understand the role of communication in a relationship
- Practice communication skills
- Introduction to Relationships
Relationships come in all forms, and does not necessarily mean a “romantic” connection. It means any sort of connection you have with a person – you have relationships with your family, friends, teachers, coaches, and more.
What is important to you in a relationship?
Individual activity: think about what you value in a relationship, and write a list of these characteristics on your paper. Think about all types of relationships (not just romantic). After a few minutes come back together as a group, and share what you want.
(Tip: if you are having trouble, think about specific people with whom you have relationships, such as parents, friends, or significant others. Think about what you like about the relationship, and what you do not like. This may help to see what you value.)
Materials needed: Paper for each student, pens
III. HEALTHY VS. UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
Activity: brainstorm in a large group the characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships. Ask for volunteer scribes or write on a large sheet of paper.
Materials needed: 2 large sheets of paper or whiteboard and markers
Healthy Relationship
-Communicate needs, wants, and limits respectfully; Intimacy; Commitment; Passion; Communication; Trust; Respect and appreciation; Caring; Self-acceptance; Shared values/interests; Address conflict effectively; Support; Ability to be vulnerable…
Unhealthy Relationship
-Pressure (ex. to have sex early in the relationship); Verbal putdowns; Jealousy; Possessive (keep you from spending time with other friends and family; Disrespect; Distrustful; Humiliation; Clingy; Controlling; Manipulation (threaten to hurt you or themselves if you leave them); Threats; Economic control; Physical harm…
When talking about high school, what are some reasons that people want to be in a romantic relationship? (think about all reasons, not just your own)
Activity:
Scenarios – healthy or unhealthy?Print scenario slips (see end of document), have students read aloud and categorize as healthy or unhealthy. These scenarios are all unhealthy, discuss what makes them so.
Role-playing: given the scenario, create a short skit that clearly displays a healthy or unhealthy response. See role-play cards below.
- Activity: Relationships in songs – healthy or unhealthy?
Eminem and Rihanna – Love the way you lie
Verse 2
You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you're with 'em
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah, them chills you used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em
You swore you'd never hit 'em; never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit them
You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, hit 'em
Throw 'em down, pin 'em
So lost in the moments when you're in them
It's the rage that took over it controls you both
So they say you're best to go your separate ways
Guess if they don't know you 'cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her
Next time you show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window "pain"
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie… / Gym Class Heroes – Stereo Heart
My heart's a stereo
It beats for you, so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every no-o-o-te
Make me your radio
And turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo
Gym Class Heroes baby!
If I was just another dusty record on the shelf
Would you blow me off and play me like everybody else?
If I asked you to scratch my back, could you manage that?
Like yea fucked up, check it Travie, I can handle that
Furthermore, I apologize for any skipping tracks
It's just the last girl that played me left a couple cracks
I used to, used to, used to, now I'm over that
'Cause holding grudges over love is ancient artifacts
If I could only find a note to make you understand
I'd sing it softly in your ear and grab you by the hand
Just keep it stuck inside your head, like your favorite tune
And know my heart's a stereo that only plays for you
[Chorus:]
My heart's a stereo
It beats for you, so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every no-o-o-te
Make me your radio
And turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo
Pitbull – Give Me Everything
Take advantage of tonight
Cause tomorrow I'm off to Dubai to perform for a princess
But tonight, I can make you my queen
And make love to you endless
This is insane: the way the name growin'
Money keep flowin'
Hustlers move aside
So, I'm tiptoein', to keep flowin'
I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan
Put it on my life, baby,
I make you feel right, baby
Can't promise tomorrow
But, I promise tonight
Darling
[Pre-Chorus: Pitbull]
Excuse me (Excuse Me)
And I might drink a little more than I should
tonight
And I might take you home with me, if I could tonight
And, baby, Ima make you feel so good, tonight
Cause we might not get tomorrow
[Chorus:]
Tonight I want all of you tonight
Give me everything tonight
For all we know we might not get tomorrow
Let's do it tonight
Don't care what they say
Or what games they play
Nothing is enough
'Til I have your love
Let's do it tonight
I want you tonight, I want you to stay
I want you tonight
Grab somebody sexy, tell 'em hey
Give me everything tonight / Bruno Mars – Just The Way You Are
[Verse 1:]
Oh, her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shinin'
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying
She's so beautiful
And I tell her everyday (yeahh)
I know, I know
When I compliment her she won't believe me
And it's so, it's so
Sad to think that she don't see what I see
But every time she asks me "Do I look okay? " I say
[Chorus:]
When I see your face (face face...)
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing (amazing)
Just the way you are (are)
And when you smile (smile)
The whole world stops and stares for a while
'Cause girl you're amazing (amazing)
Just the way you are (are)
HEALTHY OR UNHEALTHY? SCENARIOS
I like sports and outdoors. She doesn’t. I’m very high energy and like to try new things, but she never seems to want to try anything. We mostly watch movies when we’re together. But, she’s hot. It’ll work out, we’ve got chemistry.
Sex means a lot to her, she’s probably thinking it means we’ll be together forever. My values on sex? Well, why not get what you can whenever you can?
My boyfriend’s got a lot of problems. I don’t like his friends and some of the stuff he’s into. But, he’s gorgeous and I think I can change him.
I broke up with him. It just didn’t feel right. I always had to pretend I was someone I’m not. I am not going to change who I am just to keep his attention.
I told my girlfriend to shut up in front of my friends and then shoved her pretty hard. I was mad, but later in private I told her I was sorry. I’ve got a bad temper; she should know not to push me.
He keeps cheating on me, but always comes back and says he’s sorry. But he’s got a great body. I’m lucky to have him. I guess I have to put up with it if I want to keep him.
(from dibbleinstitute.org)
ROLEPLAY CARDS – FOR PARTNERS
You have 2 tickets to go see your favorite band but your date wants to go to the homecoming dance. What do you do? / Your date accidentally made plans to hang out with you and his/her sister on the same night. What do you do?Your bf/gf texts you, asking you to send a “sexy pic”. What do
you do? / Your bf/gf starts texting you so much that your friends refer to him/her as the “stalker”. What do you do?
Your bf/gf is jealous whenever a boy/girl flirts with you. What
do you do? / You see a comment on your bf/gf page from a boy/girl saying that your bf/gf’s profile pic is hot. What do you do?
Abusive relationships
Dating violence occurs between two people in a close relationship.
Physical – when a partner is pinched, hit, shoved, kicked, etc.
Emotional – threatening a partner or harming his or her sense of self-worth. Examples include name calling, shaming, bullying, embarrassing on purpose, or keeping him/her away from friends and family
Sexual – forcing a partner to engage in a sex act when she/he doesn’t or cannot consent
Stalking – a pattern of harassing or threatening tactics used by a perpetrator that is both unwanted and causes fear in the victim
Teen statistics from loveisrespect.org
-Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner/year
-One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner (this exceeds the rates of other types of youth violence)
-One in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped, or physically hurt by a bf/gf
-One quarter of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse
Consequences:
-Teens who are victims are more likely to be depressed and do poorly in school. They may engage in unhealthy behaviors, like using drugs and alcohol, and are more likely to have eating disorders. Some teens even think about or attempt suicide
-Six times more likely to become pregnant, twice as likely to get an STI (loveisrespect.org)
-Lack of awareness – most people don’t know it is an issue or think that it is not one. Only 1/3 of teens who were in violent relationships ever told anyone about the abuse.
Is it abuse? Warning signs.
Checking your phone and email without permission; constantly putting you down; extreme jealousy; explosive temper; isolating you; making false accusations; mood swings; possessiveness; telling you what to do; physical harm (loveisrespect.org)
Does your friend…
- Constantly cancel plans for reasons that don't sound true?
- Always worry about making their boyfriend/girlfriend angry?
- Give up things that are important?
- Show signs of physical abuse, like bruises or cuts?
- Have a boyfriend/girlfriend that wants them to be available all the time?
- Become isolated from friends or family?
If you think a friend might be in an abusive relationship, try taking an indirect approach to help them open up. Here are some suggestions:
"You don't seem as happy as usual -- are you okay?"
"Is there anything you want to talk about?"
But if you think your friend is in serious danger, tell an adult you trust immediately. Do not try to handle the situation on your own.
Also think about the way you see relationships portrayed on TV
What shows do you watch? Tell me about the characters and their relationships. Next time you watch these show or listen to your music think about and see if you can identify aspects of healthy or unhealthy relationships.
Activity: Dating myths and reality
MYTH: Relationships are easy.
REALITY: Not much in life is harder than maintaining a relationship; it takes communication, sacrifice, and a lot of patience to keep a relationship healthy.
MYTH: He/ She may not be perfect but you can change him/ her with a little work.
REALITY: Real love means accepting your partner in all their perfections and in all their flaws. If you find yourself constantly wishing he were taller or she was more popular, maybe you're with your partner for the wrong reasons.
MYTH: I can show my partner how I really feel by having sex... even though I don't want to.
REALITY: Sex is not a bargaining chip or a way to prove your love. And someone who would pressure you in any way is certainly not someone who loves you.
MYTH: If you break up, you'll never find someone else.
REALITY: Life is long and, right now - in high school - your world is fairly small. The number of people you will meet and experiences you'll have are limitless, so don't assume this one person is the only one for you.
MYTH: You're automatically cooler if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
REALITY: If you pin your popularity hopes on being coupled up, you're not being fair to yourself or your partner. Relationships aren't a means to an end - like social climbing - but should be meaningful
Resources:
Healthy relationship quiz: